The Holodiary of Aran Liander- Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

There was a battle today. The Separatists found our position and launched a surprise attack on our stronghold. We lost half of our forces and the fortress is in flaming ruins; which still burn even through the fiendish rain that continues to pelt us. I am currently hiding under a piece of durasteel alongside my Master and a couple troopers; all of us covered in thick lathers of mud that clings to us like the terrifying muscle maggots. It's cold out here and the ice-speckled mud just makes it worse. I try not to look at smears since they are maroon in color and I can't tell whether it's just the natural color of the soil on this world or if it's mixed with blood.........
The battle was extremely vicious and the droids just kept coming, swarming over us like a nest of hungry gundarks, ready to rip our exhausted bodies to shreds. The dead litter the ground everywhere. I can see them now- bodies twisted, necks turned at obscene angles, and battered armor covered in filth. The air and rain even smells like death..... And I felt every death like an avalanche. I worry sometimes that it will crush me like the thought bomb of nightmare....I wish I hadn't thought of that............................
Why is there a war? I know why there is and I believe in our cause but.....I just want it to END.
Every time I see the dead a piece of me goes numb. How long till I break? Will I even break? Will I.....get used to it? Will I become so numb that I will long for war after it's already come to an end?---------------------------------
I was wounded in the battle-. It was just a graze but I can still fill the flayed skin burn with each passing moment. But I don't complain; I'm still alive at least. A lot of beings can't say the same......
I am not afraid of death, as a Jedi we know that death isn't the end, it is merely the beginning. But sometimes it is hard to follow these teachings when death is all around you, burning inside your soul, bleeding along your skin. But I will conquer this slight fear, this fear I sometimes feel right before a battle or in the instant of surprise in an unexpected attack.
We must triumph. We HAVE to. Because if we don't the galaxy is doomed to be ruled by the Sith......The name itself gives me shivers. The great Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi defeated one as an apprentice and Count Dooku is also one. My Master has told me that there is another one we do not know the name of. That is why I keep fighting- to keep the Sith's grimy, evil hands off the innocents of the galaxy......I probably should stop writing about Sith and death. I'm not sure what my Master wants me to write about. Maybe I'll just tell you about him. That way I can stay....focused on something besides death.
My Master is a human like me- He is quite young- a contemporary of Obi-Wan Kenobi in fact. They were in different clans so my Master never really knew him. He is a little taller than I and slightly muscular in build. He has trained me since I was thirteen and knows me better than anyone else. He is like a father to me and has made me who I am today. And...................I love him. I know it's wrong; we Jedi aren't aloud to have attachments but this..doesn't feel like an attachment, it feels like what I've heard people call pure, unconditional love; which is like compassion, so maybe my love for him isn't wrong. I know, I know, that sounded strange but that is the best way I can put it into words. He's always been there for me. He taught me how to use a lightsaber, he trained me in the Force tirelessly so now I am able to use it without hesitation. He has helped me with my Force Empathy which makes me feel others emotions far stronger than most beings do. He has helped me with my fears and answered my many questions. I would be lesser of a Jedi if not for him. I would be a lesser person.......
My Master just told me it is time to go; we're moving our troops to a different location so I'd better gather what I have, which isn't much, and prepare to leave. Thank the Force, I was starting to feel like ACTUAL muscle maggots were crawling over my skin..........
Well, we're leaving now so May the Force be with You and all those you call dear.
Aran Liander