Actor, Writer, Jedi, Singer,

Actor, Writer, Jedi, Singer,
You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Supernatural 30 Day Challenge :)




1: Dean or Sam?:




Dean has always been my favorite from day 1 :) I do like Sam, but Dean is just one of my most favorite characters ever. 


2: Favorite episode



My top two are "The Man Who Would Be King" and "Alpha and Omega". The first cause it's such a beautiful tragedy, with amazing writing and good character studies (and heartbreaking Destiel). The second cause it's a beautiful mix of the culmination of the Faith arc and Dean's great heroic moment.

I also love: Swan Song, Fanfiction, Goodbye Stranger, Hunteri Heroici, Faith, Baby, Heaven Can't Wait, Houses of the Holy, What Is and What Should Never Be, The Born Again Identity, Angel Heart, Stairway to Heaven/Do You Believe in Miracles?, Free to Be You and Me, In My Time of Dying,  Phantom Traveler, Dream A Little Dream of Me, Don't Call Me Shurley, The Rapture, Lucifer Rising, On the Head of a Pin, Mystery Spot, LARP and the Real Girl, Into the Mystic, The Devil in the Details, The French Mistake, The Things We Left Behind, The Executioner's Song, Meta Fiction, Let It Bleed, The Man Who Knew Too Much, Dead in the Water, Croatoan, All Hell Breaks Loose parts 1 and 2, Roadtrip, Bad Day at Black Rock, A Very Supernatural Christmas, Dark Side of the Moon, Changing Channels, A Little Slice of Kevin, The Vessel, Devil's Trap, Scarecrow, Bloody Mary, The Bad Seed, Jus in Belo, Lazarus Rising, Exile on Main St. Asylum, Folsom Prison Blues, Clap Your Hands if You Believe, The Girl With the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo, Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, Stuck in the Middle (With You), Regarding Dean, Frontierland, My Heart Will Go On, What's Up Tiger Mommy, Freaks and Geeks, I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here, The Prisoner, Meet the New Boss, Hello Cruel World, Tall Tales, It's A Terrible Life, Don't You Forget About Me, Crossroad Blues, Everybody Loves a Clown, Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie, Roadkill, The End, Adventures in Babysitting, No Rest for the Wicked, Slumber Party, Wishful Thinking, Hell's Angel, Two and a Half Men, Live Free or Twihard, Holy Terror, Inside Man, The Book of the Damned, First Blood, Just My Imagination, All in the Family, We Happy Few, Everybody Hates Hitler, Torn and Frayed, Form and Void, Survival of the Fittest, Reading is Fundamental, First Born, Bedtime Stories, Criss Angel is a Douchebag, Abandon All Hope, Red Meat, All Along the Watchtower, Who We Are, The Song Remains the Same, Appointment in Samarra, Ladies Drink Free, The British Invasion, The Future, Season Seven Time for a Wedding, Time After Time, Sacrifice, Bad Boys, Keep Calm and Carry On, Mamma Mia, The Purge, Thin Man, Alex Annie Alexis Ann, Soul Survivor, Ask Jeeves, There's No Place Like Home, Paper Moon, About A Boy, The Werther Project, Beyond the Mat, Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, Safe House, Plush, The One You've Been Waiting For, Rock Never Dies, LOTUS, etc.

3: Favorite season

It's a toss up between seasons 5 and 11. :) Those just..were very powerful <3 nbsp="" p="">
4: Favorite male character (besides Dean or Sam)


Castiel, obviously, my second favorite character after Dean :) He's just an awesome character and I love him so much :) 

I also love Bobby, Kevin, Garth, Benny, Chuck/God, 


5: Favorite female character


Jo Harvelle :) She's just a badass and I loved her the moment she appeared.












6: Favorite SPN actor/actress


Jensen Ackles is my favorite :)



7: Favorite Angel (besides Castiel)


I will always like Hannah. I enjoyed her journey in season 10 and I liked how we saw Hannah later in a male vessel and nothing between the character and Castiel changed. 


8: Least favorite character

Well, even though they served a purpose and important ones at that, I dislike Alistair and Amara and Zachariah as individuals.


9: Favorite overall villain


Like most everyone else, I am getting a bit tired of Lucifer, but originally he was an AWESOME villain. I particularly enjoyed seeing Misha play him. 


10: Favorite Misha character

I like Misha best when he is playing Castiel but I also enjoyed his Emmanuel, Jimmy Novak, and Lucifer.




11; Favorite character introduction


Dean's, cause the moment he came on screen, I was 'he's my favorite!' 


12: Scariest episode

Bloody Mary scared me a bit when I first watched it, but that was probably because I was home alone or the first time ever and it was dark and night.

13:  Favorite Bobby scene

When he confronts his abusive father and tells him to go to hell and comforts his childhood self. Such a powerful moment. Especially when he says how Dean and Sam grew up to be heroes and how he is proud of them.

14: Ruby 1.0 or 2.0

I love both but I just really liked Ruby 1.0. She was badass.

15: Episode that makes you cry


"Red Meat" in season 11 made me cry. Poor Dean was just so distraught :'(

16: Favorite demon


Meg! :) She was a cool villain and I liked how she started coming over to the good side. Also, her crush on Cas was kinda sweet. 


17: Favorite SPN ship

DESTIEL


They just really work and I think they would make each other happy. Also, it makes for an excellent love story. Like, the author's were given something special, they should use it.

I also ship Eileen and Sam.

18: Favorite ghost/monster

The ghost in Roadkill.

19: Favorite gag reel moment

It's from season 9 and it's when Jared is laying in the bed and comes up and is "wahhhh!! I'm not dead!" and Jensen is just so done XD

Also, when Jensen is being Demon-Dean and Jared screams and Jensen is making weird faces and fake crying/mocking noises XD

Also



20: Favorite crying/sad scene



Basically any scene with these two that has emotions. They just have such good stories between them and a good connection, that when something threatens it, it is heartbreaking. 


21: favorite sex scene

Eh, not really a big fan of them? I guess the Dean and Cassie one and the Dean and Lydia one.

22: Least favorite episode and season

Least favorite episode is "Dog Dean Afternoon" cause it is creepy. My least favorite season was season 4 for some personal reasons,  but I rewatched it and I loved it, so? I don't know, I like them all.

23: Favorite Winchester family member (besides Dean and Sam)

Henry Winchester :)


He seemed like a decent guy. I used to like Mary but- while I still like her as a character- I don't view her as a good person. 


24: Funniest episode

Mystery Spot, Hell House, The French Mistake, etc.

25: Favorite season premiere

Either "In My Time of Dying", "Lazarus Rising", or "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here" or "Exile on Main St"



26: Character you'd most like to see return

Eileen and Charlie and Kevin and Chuck.

27: Favorite SPN Sam quote

"I lost my shoe"


28: Favorite SPN Dean quote

His whole conversation with Amara was very powerful

Dean: Is this what you wanted? 
Amara: No! I just wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him pay. Dean: Yeah, that's revenge. It'll get you out of bed in the morning, and when you get it, it feels great... for about five minutes. I've been there. Me and Sam -- we have had our fair share of fights -- more than our share -- but no matter how bad it got, we always made it right because we're family. I need him. He needs me. And when everything goes to crap, that's all you've got -- family. Now you might be a -- an all-powerful being... but I think you're human where it counts. You simply need your brother. 
Amara: [ Scoffs ] Just stop. 
Dean: You don't want to be alone. Not really. I mean, hell. Maybe that's why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn't really want me... 'cause I'm not him. So maybe I can kill you. Or maybe I can't. Maybe if I pull this trigger, we all live happily ever after, or maybe we die bloody, or maybe it doesn't matter, because maybe there's a different way. So I'm gonna ask you again. Put aside the rage. Put aside the hate. And you tell me... what do you want? 

"Cas, I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Cas, it’s me. We’re family. We need you. I need you.”


"Sorry, but I'd rather have you. Cursed or not"

"Cas...we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us."

And both scenes where he is confronting something about his childhood (his demon self in Dream A Little Dream of Me and when he confronts Mary in Who We Are).





29: Meg 1.0 or 2.0

Meg 2 is my fave :)


30: Favorite season finale

Alpha and Omega, hands down. SO GOOD. 

Monday, July 10, 2017

Autism 30 Day Challenge

Day 1.      Make yourself known.  Tell the world your name and age.  Talk about your diagnosis.  Are you self or professionally diagnosed?  Do you think self-diagnosis is valid?  When did you realize/find out you were autistic?  Post a photo of yourself if you’d like.

If you are reading this, you know my name. I am 21 years old and I self-diagnosed myself with autism (after having had a family member- who has a child with autism- tell my mom to look into it for me and after having read a lot about it) when I was around 17. I obviously think self-diagnosis is valid (I have dealt with enough incompetent psychologist people).



Day 2.      Talk about passing and/or being out.  Are you out as autistic?  How have people reacted?  Do they treat you differently after they found out?  Do you attempt to pass?  If you do try to pass have you experienced autistic burnout from trying to pass?: 

Not really sure I like the ' being out' description here, since it seems like it is being high-jacked from the LGBTQA+ group (and, while I'm asexual, I'm not a part of that group, so I feel I shouldn't). But, am I open about being autistic? Yes, very much so. I also pass....kinda. Like, most people wouldn't be "SHE'S AUTISTIC!" but I know people get this 'off' sense about me, even if they refuse to say it. I do attempt to pass but I usually fail and then feel sad :( 

Day 3.      Talk about relationships, both platonic and romantic.  Do you have anyone special in your life?  Have your relationships been affected by your being autistic?  Have you found it hard to make and maintain friendships?  Do you have a lot of friends or very few?  

I have never dated or been in a romantic relationship, sadly, and I believe a part of that is the fact that I am autistic. I'm not the type of girl people usually go after and men generally show no interest in me. I have had friends and I have found that it can affect friendships and it often makes it hard for me to MAKE friends in the first place. I have always had few friends. Weirdly enough, I had good luck when I was in the Shakespeare group while studying abroad :) 



Day 4.      Talk about your family and support.  Who in your life has helped you?  Have medical and mental health providers served your needs?  Do you feel like your family is supportive of you being autistic?:

I have good family support from my immediate family. Even when we didn't know I was autistic, they did a pretty decent job dealing with my issues. They aren't perfect- no one is- of course, but they did better than many parents and I am very lucky. I went to a psychologist when I was younger for a time but she didn't help much sadly. I do feel like most of my family is supportive. 



Day 5.      Talk about employment and your career.  What do you do to support yourself?  Are you on disability?  Was it hard to get?: 

I am still a student, so I haven't gotten anywhere with my main career paths yet (but I am hoping to get published soon). I DO have a current part time job which I use to pay for things like Taekwondo, books for school, and gas (and for my travel while I was in England). No, not on disability. 

Day 6.      Talk about music, art, writing, and other forms of creativity.  Are you a creative person?  What do you create?  Do you include autistic themes in your creations?  Does your creativity help you to deal with your autism?: 

I AM a creative person :) :) I LOVE to act and write and I also sing and do Taekwondo. I used to play piano and clarinet and do dance as well. 
As for creating, I create characterizations out of the characters I act out AND I create stories and characters in the books I write. As for autistic themes, I do have characters that are autistic in some of my stories (including my current one) but I don't want to focus on 'issues' but instead let them be explored organically in the story, since that's how life is. I feel like my creativity does help, yes. 

Day 7.      Talk about community.  How are you treated by your local community?  Do you participate in any online communities?  How have they reacted to you being autistic?: 

I don't fit in with the autistic community some of the time. A majority of people have ideas I don't agree with. But, when I have talked to some people online, they were nice. I do all right online and that's where I've made a lot of my current best friends. But I have never been popular online. 

Day 8.      Talk about traditional media.  Have you been influenced by autism themes in the media? Have you had to correct misinformation about autistic people that others got from the media?: 

I haven't, tbh. I have always just kinda been myself and done what I thought was right for me. I have had to correct misinformation but people don't listen often. Instead of doing that, I tend to just share things online. 

Days 9 and 10 are a little different in that they have two prompts.  I know the issues that many autistic people have with autism speaks and with cure culture so for these days there is an alternative prompt should you feel uncomfortable talking about those topics.  You can answer either/both/any combination of the prompts that you wish and I’ve attempted to have the secondary prompts be more fun/lighthearted.
Day 9.      Talk about Autism Speaks.  Do you support them?  What’s your opinion about their policies? And/or  Talk about special interests.  Do you have a special interest?  What is it?  Feel free to infodump.
Day 10.  Talk about a cure.  What is your opinion about seeking a cure for autism?  Do you want a cure?  Why or why not?  And/Or  Talk about stimming.  Do you stim? How?  What are your favorite stims?  Do you have different stims for when you are happy or agitated?: 

About autistm speaks...well, from what I've heard they aren't nice at all. I don't know much, but I don't like the demonizing they do of autistic kids and I feel like they should give more of their money to HELP the families of autistic kids instead of just searching for a cure. In regards to a cure? I don't think a cure is possible, perse. It's not a disease so you can't fix it completely. There ARE things to do to prevent it and things you can do to make the negative symptoms more manageable, but I think searching for a cure is a bit silly. Just finds ways to make it better. 
SPECIAL INTERESTS!!?? :D :D OKAY! So, acting, writing, Taekwondo, music, Star Wars (particularly the EU), Supernatural, the Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Siri Tachi, Dean Winchester, Castiel, SiriWan, Destiel, Jaina Solo, Middle Earth stories, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Whedonverse, any person I have a crush on at a given time, etc.

In regards to stimming, I do. And I do different ones when I am excited/happy and when I am upset/agitated.


Day 11.  Talk about sensory issues.  Do you also have sensory processing disorder?  What kind of clothes do you wear?  What foods do you eat?  Are you sensitive to light or sounds?  How do you deal with overstimulation?: 

I do have sensory issues. The main one is sound but other ones bother me too. I have had trouble recently with food. I tend to wear unisex clothes and modest clothes cause more revealing clothes make me uncomfortable. I like being covered up. For foods, certain dry meats bother me as do certain overpowering tastes. I can be sensitive to lights but it's not that much. Sounds YES. Also, I have trouble with most physical contact. I DO like hugging specific people but me actually LIKING and enjoying a hug are only things I have gotten from 1-3 people in my entire life. I typically dislike or feel indifferent to hugs (sometimes I seek them out from my mom when I am upset but otherwise, no). 


Day 12.  Talk about ableism.  Have you experienced discrimination?  Have you been the target of hate speech or slurs?  Have you been a victim of abuse or violence?  What’s the rudest thing someone has said to you about autism or you being autistic?: 

Not discrimination, no, but I have had people be mean about things or rude. And no one had ever try and be violent towards me cause I will kick their nuts so hard they break. No hate speech either, thankfully. 

Day 13.  Talk about something funny.  Has anything humorous or ironic ever happened to you because you were autistic?: 

Well, there are but I don't want to post about it online since it's personal (nothing bad, but just personal) so if you want to know, write me on FB or something. 

Day 14.  Talk about role models.  Who are your role models?  How have they influenced you?: 

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Siri Tachi, Jaina Solo, Jude Watson, Matthew Stover, Ewan McGregor, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, etc.


Day 15.  Talk about identity.  How do you identify?  Autistic?  Asperger’s?  Person with Autism?  What’s your take on person/identity first language?: 

I identify as both austistic and as having aspergers. I prefer "autistic person" since it's not a big deal. Person with autism is silly and cumbersome to say. Though...I HATE HATE HATE people saying differently abled. It's just...NO (and most disabled people- physically or mentally- that I have heard speak on that sentence also think it's stupid). 

Day 16.  Talk about treatment.  Have you been through any therapies?  What ones did you like?  Which ones didn’t you like?  Do you think autistic people need therapy for their autism?: 

I have went to a psychologist and a counselor and neither helped much with anything :/ 

Day 17.  Talk about empathy.  Many people think autistics do not have empathy.  What’s your experience with empathy?  Are you hyper empathic or not empathic at all? : 

Okay, the empathy question. I think people get confused on what empathy means. Number 1, autistic people don't lack compassion or sympathy, we have loads of that. But the thing with empathy is...if we don't have that experience, we have trouble relating. Like, someone could be upset about something or be excited about something and I'll be thinking 'but why??' OR we might know someone is upset but we don't know what to do so we are silent. Or it's something far removed from us and we don't know how to react. But, honestly, we do care about people and I think people need to remember that. 

Day 18.  Talk about functioning labels.  What is your opinion about functioning labels?  Where are you on the spectrum?  If you don’t like functioning labels how would you describe your functioning ability?:

I do find functioning labels to be rude but I sometimes use them as a short-hand since I don't have better words to explain things. But I wish we could come up with better descriptors. 

Day 19.  Talk about your struggles and strengths.  What things are difficult for you because you are autistic?  What are the positives of being autistic?  Do you have a special skill or talent?: 

I have trouble with social conventions sometimes. I can hold short convos and long talks with people I am friends with, but otherwise I often make social blunders which are embarassing. Also, I have meltdowns sometimes and I also have sensory issues so I will be sitting there covering my ears or I will move away from people chewing/crunching loudly and people think I am being anti-social when really I am trying to avoid the noise driving me crazy. I also rant a lot and I can be..not nice when I am angry. 
Strengths? I am very resourceful and that has been commented on before. I also am good at my talents and I can read maps and get around places I have never been pretty decently. 

Day 20.  Talk about communication.  Are you verbal? Nonverbal? Partially verbal?  How do you usually communicate?: 

I am verbal. I like to talk a lot. I also like to write. 

Day 21.  Talk about comorbid conditions.  Do you have any other disorders commonly related to autism?  Were you misdiagnosed as something else first?: 

I also have OCD, which I was diagnosed with when I was 10.

Day 22.  Talk about autism parents.  How do you feel about this section of the community?  Do you feel as if they speak over you?  Do you find the term ‘autism parent’ rude or offensive?" 

I...haven't had a problem with them, to be honest. As long as they love their kids and let others talk, I welcome them in. 

Day 23.  Talk about your living situation.  Where do you live?  Do you live alone or with other people?  Are you happy with your current living arrangements?: 

Currently I am living at home but I plan on getting my own apartment after college. I will live alone until I get a boyfriend. 

Day 24.  Talk about the stereotypes and misconceptions that neurotypicals and allistics have. What stereotypes have you heard about autism?  How do you respond to people who have incorrect stereotypes about autism? What kind of things should people not say to autistic people?  What’s something you wish NTs/allistics knew about autism?: 

Well, once people know they often treat me like a baby, which is aggravating. I also know people will often think I am supper special or something dumb and like...I am not some freaking genius. UGH. I am smart, yes, but I'm not like...Einstein... 

What kinds of things should people not say? Well, I would rather the infantilizing stuff go FAR away. Also...I don't like how some dudes treat me like a child instead of a peer. Or when adults ignore me when I am trying to explain myself. Eh...

Day 25.  Talk about meltdowns/shutdowns.  Do you have them?  How often?  What are your triggers?:

I usually have meltdowns first, then they go into a shut down (though I can have shutdowns on their own). Metldowns usually are caused my stressful situations and things upsetting me. Shutdowns are usually caused by embarrassment. 


Day 26.  Talk about echolalia and scripting.  Do you use echolalia?  What about scripting?

I do use echolalia, yes, I have found. Sometimes I repeat things people have said or things I have said and I will often go over my plans to myself over and over. I do scripting too, as well, since it often helps me relate to things. Or I think it is funny >:D


Day 27.  Talk about eye-contact.  Do you make eye-contact?  Why or why not?  Does it make you uncomfortable?: 

I don't normally make eye contact but I will if I am in a situation I feel like it is a good idea I do OR I like-like the person. 


Day 28.  Talk about autism as a disability.  Do you think autism is a disability or a difference? Or both?  Do you feel more disabled by society than by your autism?:

It is a disability to me, yes. I don't like the idea of it being a different way of thinking. That's just ridiculous. It affects your BRAIN, it's not something you can freaking CHANGE like you can change your way of thinking. UGH. 
I feel like both disable me. Society doesn't help but I know that even if society was ok, I would still feel different and feel bad about it. 

Day 29.  Talk about executive functioning.  Do you experience executive dysfunction?  How do you deal with it?: 

Overall, my executive functioning is good but I do have times where I can't focus on anything and I procrastinate or I obsessively save pictures and stuff. 

Day 30.  Talk with pride. Are you proud to be autistic? How do you show the world your pride?: 

It's just a fact about me. Why would I be proud of it? That would be like being proud of being a woman or being white or being demisexual. It's something I am, not something I did. I'd rather be proud of what I do and what I create. Others may feel differently, but that's how I feel. 

Monday, June 12, 2017

Supernatural and Finding my Religion (basically, how Supernatural helped me figure out what, exactly, I believe)



Most people would think that an Urban fantasy TV show couldn't help someone in regards to their faith. In fact, if I told that to most people, they would probably give me a strange look (in fact, this has happened). 
But that, oddly enough, is what ended up happening. It isn't the only thing to do so- Godspell also helped me in my religious beliefs, and- adjacently- Star Wars (and the Jedi Order) helped me to formulate my moral code, while Lord of the Rings taught me the meanings of heroics and hope. However, Supernatural has a special place (alongside Star Wars and Lord of the Rings), in that it finally got me to gather all the ideas I'd had swirling in my head for years, and come to some conclusions. 

A question that seems to have plagued humanity for many hundreds of years is- "how can evil and God co-exist?" People have found many ways to explain it to themselves. Some become atheists (if they were believers before, since many grow up atheist) or at least agnostic, and some go the complete other direction- proclaiming that everything happens for a reason. This has been seen time again and is often something many writers struggle with (we were reading and discussing Alexander Pope in my lit class this year and this was a common topic in his writings, for example)

I've always been religious but- many a time- what I was hearing from many religious individuals (especially the more modern church people or youth groups or even some of my peers; I didn't get it from any of my pastors or any of my really close friends, thankfully, which really helped)  just didn't click with me. I never liked the whole 'everything happens for a reason' or that 'God has a plan for everyone's lives and we shouldn't worry about things' (I remember being a kid in Sunday school and saying I was worried about the environment and being told that I didn't need to worry, since God would take care of everything). Because..that just doesn't sound right. Bad things happen in our world, things that don't make any sense, and how could they all have meaning- did the Holocaust have some kind of purpose in a master plan? Did what is happening in Aleppo? Or bigotry in general? I don't think so.
 I also never liked the type of preachings that either centered only on what I call the 'me me me gospel' (which is when people only seem to care about one's personal relationship with Jesus and forget to acknowledge, you know, what he commanded us to do) or the ones that act like our only purpose is to worship God and that we shouldn't do anything else, cause this world sucks and we aren't supposed to enjoy it at all. I also dislike the whole 'only Christians go to heaven' belief, which I'm glad the show decided to not buy into, what with God telling Donatello that it was fine that he was an atheist, because he believed in himself. Because, to me, what matters is that you are a good person and that you care just because it is the right thing to do; I never believed that anyone would be damned to hell or to oblivion just because they didn't believe in God. That's cruel and doesn't sound right and has NEVER sat well with me.

None of these above ideas made sense to me and were things I struggled with. 
Faith, while I have had it- mostly- for the majority of my life, was something I did debate with myself on. I remember being confused when some of my fellow Christians would act like they were superior to everyone else when- to me- they were no different than non-Christians. I also never liked how some people only talked about how things could benefit THEM, such as when they expected us to list all of the ways WE benefited from a Mission Trip. It shouldn't have been about OUR growth, it should have been about how we helped others (and we really, REALLY didn't).
I even remember questioning things as a child. I remember my sister and I discussing how we felt God had matured throughout the old Testament. I also would often debate within my Sunday school groups as well as my Confirmation groups, voicing opinions that made many uncomfortable.

However, I think the beginning of this faith journey happened when I first learned about deism in elementary school. I don't remember how old I was, but I can recall reading about how many of the founding fathers viewed and the world and thinking '..that makes a lot of sense.' However, I kinda forgot about it and didn't really touch upon it too much as my faith evolved and changed throughout the years. 


However, last year, I feel like I finally shed the last of my doubts and confusion and finally figured out what I believe. 

Supernatural, up until now, has had a plot-thread of faith and what it means running through it. Whether or not you take it how I do is your prerogative (since many viewed it as negative while I got positives from it). However, it has been there and it finally culminated in the main character's meeting God. 

Now, in the show, God is not exactly how I view him in real life. God in Supernatural is flawed and, while not a bad individual, he is shown to have both the positives and negatives of the human experience, which makes sense: humanity being made in God's image, after all. But, I feel, on the whole, the show tapped into something truly right. I don't know if the authors intended it or if I am reading into it differently, but I got something out of it. I am not quite sure when I had my realization, but I think it may have started with this quote below.

God: I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created... would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being over-involved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It's enabling.

This dialogue really spoke to me and I was saddened that many people didn't quite grasp the importance of this above line. Because, while many think it's giving excuses (and in show, it kinda was), but when looking at it on its own? It makes a lot of sense. Humans do need to grow up and we have been- with setbacks, yes, but we have grown and changed. It reminds me of what I've heard various people throughout my life say and what I have said too. Why would God create humans imperfectly and then damn them if they made mistakes? Some people say that God is involved in everything but then, why DO bad things happen; as Dean says in the show, wars happened, millions of people have died because of senseless wars and famines and plagues and because of hatred. Genocides have happened, slavery has happened, lands have been stolen and the people boxed into little areas where they couldn't survive. How could these things happen and it all be a part of a plan? 

And, that quote, to me, answered that question. Because, what would be the point of having an existence if you didn't learn from it? How can you choose to be good when the choice has already been made for you. Being good means something in our world because we choose to be that way. Because we- as the show has stated- have free will. To me, it makes sense that God would want us to make our own choices, to choose whether we will be good or bad. In affect we- humanity- have to grow up and it's up to us. God loves us, so he refuses to control us through his whims. He wants us to choose to do the right thing, rather than be pulled by strings, having no real voice. 
Because, while unlimited freedom is bad, freedom is- in and of its self- an important thing.

God: There's a value, a glory in creation that's greater and truer than my pride or my ego. Call it grace, call it being! Whatever it is, it didn't come from my hands. It was there waiting to be born. It just is, as you and I just were. Since you've been freed, I know that you've seen it.

God (known as Chuck Shurley at the time): So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. [Flashbacks play.] Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? 
No doubt – endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it? 


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Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 in Retrospect and 2017 New Years Resolutions


Gif found on tumblr 

Happy New Years, everyone! :) 

2016 was a year of many ups and downs for me. I started at a new university, which was the right decision, and I FINALLY got cast in a main stage college play AND got my Red Stripe and THEN my Red Belt. I also was accepted to go study abroad in England, which I'm excited for. I also got a job at a restaurant and worked out (got better endurance).
However, in the world, 2016 SUCKED >:(. We had the WORST election in the history of America and the most disgusting, vile, piece of vomit and radioactive bigoted, rapist, aligned-with-RussiaTRASH won the election. I cannot believe it and I am so hate-filled towards all who voted for that bigot and rapist. So now, whenever bad things happen, I will blame DUMP HEAD and his SUPPORTERS for it. We also had other terrible things happen like Aleppo, and the treatment of those living near Standing Rock and Flit, Michigan. Police brutality and gun violence are still major problems, and women are losing their rights again. Russia also hacked the elections and I'm so pissed that people are all okay with that. 
We also lost many well-loved actors and performers and musicians who did a lot of good, which was sad :( 

Here's to 2017 being better. I am prepared to fight against the resurgence of bigotry and hate (the rise of Nazis here in the US, which is so ICKY). So, Dump Head supporters, be prepared. We won't go quietly into that good night. 

My New Year's Resolution's are

To get cast in more plays
Get an Agent for my book (and work towards publication)
Finish re-writing book 3 (I'm getting close to the end) and start re-writing book 4
Get my Black Stripe in Taekwondo
Rip America back from the cold, evil hands of Dump Head and his cronies and stop the Republiklans in the government from ruining the US. 
Do well in college and get straight A's (since I didn't this past semester :'( most were A's, but one was 87%, ).
Read even MORE books
Watch some more TV shows
Keep working and making money
Get my face cleared up more
Work out and get some muscle 
Travel all over England and see many things and take pictures 
Make friends
Stand up for the EU even MORE >:D 

Hope you all have a good 2017! :) And May the Force Be With You

Books of 2016



Definitely read a lot of good books this year :)


How many books read in 2016: 
40-50 something? 


How many fiction and non fiction?: 
Mostly fiction. Read textbooks in college as well, about science (geology and geography), history, stage management, logic, Diversity in Film throughout history, etc. 



Male/Female author ratio?: 

About the same- maybe more girls?


Favorite book of 2016?: 
The Trials of Apollo: The Hidden Oracle 
The Raven King
Carry On
Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom 
Rebel Force books (I read the first two, Target and Hostage)
Star Wars Republic and Clone Wars Comics
Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard: The Sword of Summer
Running Barefoot 
Supernatural: Cold Fire
12 Years A Slave
Coming of Age in Mississippi 
Othello
Amadeus

Least favorite?:

Half-Bad
The Way of the World
Gidion's Knot
The CallMacbeth
The True Gift


Newest?: 

The Trials of Apollo: The Hidden Oracle, The Raven King, or Crooked Kingdom


Longest and shortest book titles?:

Longest - Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard: The Sword of Summer
shortest - Clariel 


Longest and shortest books?: 
Longest was probably Carry On or Crooked Kingdom or The Raven King


How many books from the library?: 

Most were



Any translated books?:

Winterfrost, I believe was.



Most read author of the year, and how many books by that author?: 

I didn't really do that this year. I read a variety.



Any re-reads?: 

No :( (with fanfictions? YES). 


Favorite character of the year?
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Ferus Olin
Leia, Luke, and Han
Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Matthias Helvar, Wylan Van Eck from Six of Crows
Blue, Gansey, Roan, Adam, and Noah from The Raven King
Simon Snow, Baz, and Penelope from Carry On
Apollo, Meg, Nico, and Will from Trials of Apollo
Magnus Chase, Samirah, Blitzen, and Hearthstone from Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard
Josie and Samuel from Running Barefoot



Which countries did you go to through the page in your year of reading?:

Italy, fantasy worlds (like Ketterdam), worlds in Star Wars, The Netherlands, England, Denmark, etc.

Which book wouldn't you have read without someone’s specific recommendation? 

Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom (I would have read it eventually, but not this year), the plays I read for school, textbooks, etc.


Which author was new to you in 2015 that you now want to read the entire works of?

Leigh Bardugo.


Which books are you annoyed you didn't read?:

The Iliad, Huntress, Scarlet (and the rest of the Lunar Chronicles), More Than This, other Star Wars books, etc.

Did you read any books you have always been meaning to read?

YES

Ender's Shadow
Othello
Macbeth
Clariel
Shadow Games
Rebel Force books
Star Wars Republic: Prelude to Rebellion
Star Wars Clone Wars: The Defense of Kamino
Star Wars Clone Wars: Victories and Sacrifices
12 Years A Slave
Fangirl
The Crown of Ptolemy
Half-Bad
Carry On
The Trials of Apollo: The Hidden Oracle
Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard: The Sword of Summer
Six of Crows


What books are you planning to read in 2017?

Scarlet (and the rest of the Lunar Chronicles)
The Iliad
Made of Stars
Shadow of the Hegemon
Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard: The Hammer of Thor
More Than This
Huntress (and other Malinda Lo books)
Death in Venice
Maurice
Star Wars Republic and Clone Wars comics
Knights of the Old Republic comics
Finish the Rebel Force series
Freedom
The Summer I Wasn't Me
Morning is a Long Time Coming
The Torchkeeper series: The Raising
Galaxy of Fear series
Allegiance
Choices of One
Emma
Sense and Sensibility
David Copperfield
Oliver Twist
Brandon Sanderson fantasy novels
Read the next books in the Angelfall series
Juliet Immortal
6 Seconds to Life
Gone Gone Gone
Shadow on the Crown
Dark Space