Actor, Writer, Jedi, Singer,

Actor, Writer, Jedi, Singer,
You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you

Friday, May 25, 2018

My Senior Year! :O


Well....I just finished my senior year of college...and I've graduated and then I'll be moving on to the next stage of my life. This is gonna be fun O_O

Before this happens, though, I wanted to write down my thoughts on my last year at uni. Oh and by the way, I got straight A's both semesters! :)

The Fall semester was a pretty fun one overall. I did some cool non-major (but minor-related) classes, which I enjoyed a lot. I got a better appreciation for poetry, we had some really cool in depth and I got to WRITE fun stuff for homework! :) I also got the role of Sadel in "The Desk Set", which is one of the lead roles, in a play during this semester, which was a lot of fun and I was so happy to get to do it! :) I also made a friend with a girl in one of my classes and we had fun talking about books and writing and the like. The kids I was around this semester were weird to me, which I didn't understand and I wish I knew why this was going on?

This semester was also good in that I got to take some classes I'd always wanted to take in college as well as finally getting to read some stuff I've wanted to read for a while.

Oh, and I watched season 13 of Supernatural during this time. This show, which I started at 17, has kinda been my college show friend throughout these past four years and it was certainly a good one :)

Theater History I - This class was really fun and interesting, especially cause we got to read a lot of fun plays from all over. For example, I'd always wanted to read Greek Drama and I got to read two of them! :) We also read a Roman Comedy, a Japanese Noh play, a Sanskrit Drama, and various plays from England, France, Spain, etc. Here are some I remember - Antigone, Medea, Psuedolus, Atsumori, The Little Clay Cart, Dr. Faustus, (we read Hamlet too but I had already read it in my Shakespeare course), Fuenteovejuna, Phedre, and The Rover. I also enjoyed learning about the history of all these different places and how theater grew and developed in these areas. I also did a really funny presentation about Euripides which I had filmed. 

Shakespeare - In this class we read various Shakespeare plays, discussed them, and through that I was able to gain a greater appreciation for Shakespeare's abilities. The plays we read were - The Comedy of Errors, The Taming of the Shrew, The Merchant of Venice, Richard III, Othello (I didn't read this one since I'd already read it and remembered it very well since I wrote a paper on Desdemona), Hamlet, Julius Caesar, and King Lear. I was very happy that I finally got to read so many Shakespeare plays since I've been meaning to read some for a while now.

Creative Writing course - This class was a lot of fun and, as a writer, I had fun getting to do things that were actually fun for homework. Since it was an introductory class, we worked on writing fiction, poetry, and creative non-fiction (as well as reading examples of these). We had to write lots of small stuff but our main stuff was writing two big projects, where we had to choose two of the three genres (I wrote a fiction piece and a creative non-fiction piece. Message me if you would like to read them). A lot of the kids were pretty awful at writing, but some were good, which made me happy. There was an annoying girl in my class that liked to argue with me for no reason but thankfully the teacher made her stop.

Literature course - This was another fun course where we read short stories, plays, and poems and analyzed them. I had fun going into depth on the various stories we read and we had some really good discussions in class. I also got to give some good points in discussion and I was actually decently well liked in this class, which was a new thing!

Gender Studies - I've always wanted to take a feminist class and I was really happy I got to take one. In this class, we talked about women's issues, race issues, and LGBT issues. A lot of our reading was diverse too, which was nice. We also read some stuff that led credence to a lot of beliefs I've had that have been contested by others (so yes, I was right, the 'men are stronger' thing is total bullshit'). We also did a physical movement thing for a couple of class periods which was a lot of fun (I got to flip my teacher in the AIR :D And one time me and this one girl were able to do this leaning on each other thing and hold each other up thing and we were used as an example...which is weird since I hate physical contact but with her it was ok).


Now, my last semester. This one was super busy and I don't know how I managed to get everything done but I did. All the while, I was  doing 18 hours, 3 of which were practicum(I had to do crew work for both shows and I had to work in the shop for 80 hours, booo), working part time where my work load got a lot more often, and getting my black belt in TKD. Also, I had to FILM (which I'll get into more below) and memorize lots of monologues and scenes as well as do lots of reading and do an online course! D: All in all, it was long but I was able to complete my major and my minor, which is all that matters!


Theater History II - This class wasn't as fun as the first one, but that was to be expected since it was more modern. I also had an issue where the entire class turned on me and I had to shout over them because they took something I said and twisted it up (what I said was RIGHT. Jeezz....). We did learn some cool stuff about more modern theater and I got to read some stuff I'd always wanted to read, which was good. We read - The Escape: A Leap for Freedom, Ubu the King, Machinal, Death of a Salesman, The Good Woman of Setzuan, Waiting for Godot, and Angels in America: The Millennium Approaches. If you want to read a good play, READ Angels in America cause it's GOOD.

Auditions - This class was SUPER helpful. Not only did I learn how to audition better, but I became a better actor in general and I feel much more prepared for the outside world. Our teacher (and the substitute we had there for a bit who directs in a fairly major theater company not too far away) gave super helpful tips on how to perform better monologues and scenes and I loved watching everyone grow better over the semester. We did monologues from a variety of different types of plays and we even learned how to act absurdism, which was FUN :) We also learned more about the business in general and how to go about doing things.

Film acting - This class had been my most anticipated class of all time and sadly I was kinda let down :/ I hardly got to do ANY acting in front of the camera and most of it was business related. However, we did do some cool stuff too. We had a famous TV director come to our class and direct some of the kids in a scene (not me D': I'm not well liked enough :( ), we got to do motion capture, and we did get to make a film and we did some cold readings as well as a scene and a self-submission. At first I had some trouble with the transition to acting on camera (since I'd done a lot of theater lately) and the teacher and I had trouble with communication (we just didn't click, it happens) but I finally figured it out and got good notes on my Self-submission :) :) (and my grades went UP UP UP :) ). I also aced my last quiz which made me happy.

A Class about diverse American works - In this class, we looked at plays about diverse topics and discussed not only the play itself but the issues surrounding them. I was glad the plays talked about a variety of issues, since I could see it being pretty "we are only going to talk about the African-American experience and the white gay man experience", which it didn't (those things did get talked about but it branched out more). The plays we read were - Flyin' West, The Laramie Project, Zoot Suit, A Piece of my Heart, Disgraced, How I Learned to Drive, Joe Turner's Come and Gone, Yellow Face, Fun Home, Getting Out, and In the Next Room. While I didn't care for a couple of the plays, most were good and I enjoyed reading them (especially A Piece of My Heart. You need to read it NOW).

Online music course - This class I learned about music from all over the world, which was pretty interesting, especially since we got to listen to snippets of it. Everything was online and I had to take notes for the quizzes and exams as well as write short responses to questions. It was time consuming but it wasn't hard and I managed to get everything done on time, so YAY.

Crewing the shows - I had to do run crew for both shows (a straight play and a musical). Neither were plays I liked all that much (the first one I HATED) but it wasn't too hard thankfully and I enjoyed getting a lot of reading done backstage in between my cues, so that was nice. Had some troubles during the second show due to scheduling but I figured it out.

Working in the scene shop - This would have been ok had the hours been less but I spent way too much time working here. I had to do six hours a week almost every week and it took a lot of my time. I did learn more about how to use the different tools and my painting got better, which was nice. I was glad when I was done though.

Overall, I am glad to finally be done. My college years have been a trial ride of ups and downs, with positives and negatives about each of the uni's I attended. I am glad I had the experience I had, though I would change things now that I'm older and I know more. While I am disappointed in myself and in others due to things like only getting cast in one main stage show my entire college career (the other two were in different places), which wasn't fair at all. I had really hoped to get the lead in one show but I guess I'll just have to wait :( I also wanted to make the whole 'life long friends' thing you hear about in fiction. but that didn't occur and neither did me finding a boyfriend (which si going to be harder now that I'm not in school). There are a few other things but I won't go into that.

On the other hand, I did learn a lot in my four years and I managed to FINISH in four years and keep a strong GPA the entire time. I never skipped class, I turned in my homework on time, and I never wrote a paper the night before. I never flunked a class and I managed to love almost every class I took in some capacity. I managed to hold down a part time job to help pay for things as well as train for and eventually RECEIVE my black belt in Taekwondo. I have become a better actor and a better writer as well as a better athlete and academic. With my diploma and my training, I think I have what it takes to take on both the acting and the writing businesses with the same dedication I gave to my classes. And that, at least, is a good thing.

Shena Tokala, singing out.




Sunday, December 31, 2017

My Christmas :) And a retrospective of 2017/New Year's Resolutions


Happy New Year and Happy Holidays to everyone (though most won't see this). Hope everyone's holidays went nicely :)

I had a pretty good Christmas, though we didn't do too much. We did go to my mom's side of the family but since we have so many grandkids now, we only stay for a day (so no more plays :'().


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For Christmas at my maternal grandparent's house, I got Percy Jackson: The Battle of the Labyrinth, a classic rock CD (with such songs as "Carry On My Wayward Son", "Renegade", "More Than A Feeling", "Surrender", "The Spirit of Radio" :D), and a bag of Dove chocolate.

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At my home, in my stocking I got shirt, socks, Chocolate Orange, gloves, Supernatural headphones, chocolate santa, and things for my apartment when I eventually move out, such as salt and pepper shakers, a spatula and scoop, T-spoons/table spoons, peeler, can opener, etc.

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Presents wise, I got - Supernatural shirt, Guatemalan table runner, Star Wars: The Clone Wars comics, a Supernatural book from one of my friends, a notebook (with a cool moodboard) and Star Wars socks from one of my friends, Last of the Jedi books, Supernatural seasons 7 and 8, WOnder Woman movie, lock pit set, Castiel dolly, Styx CD, and the book Chemistry.

Now for New Years stuff! :D (since I already have talked about my year)
Here are my new Year's Resolutions from last year. Let's see how I did :)


To get cast in more plays

I got into TWO plays :) :D

Get an Agent for my book (and work towards publication)

no, sadly :(

Finish re-writing book 3 (I'm getting close to the end) and start re-writing book 4

I would have but I lost my book one edits :'( 

Get my Black Stripe in Taekwondo

I did :) :D

Rip America back from the cold, evil hands of Dump Head and his cronies and stop the Republiklans in the government from ruining the US. 

Working on it!

Do well in college and get straight A's (since I didn't this past semester :'( most were A's, but one was 87%, ).

I got straight A's this past semester, so yay!!! :D

Read even MORE books

I did indeed :)

Watch some more TV shows

I finished Scarlet Heart Ryeo and Weight-Lifting Fairy, I continued Supernatural, got caught up on Doctor Who, and started Gotham :)

Keep working and making money

I have done this :)

Get my face cleared up more

Eh, it looks ok I guess :(

Work out and get some muscle 

I have, actually :) 

Travel all over England and see many things and take pictures 

THIS did happen :)

Make friends

I did this, surprisingly :)

Stand up for the EU even MORE >:D 

As always :) 

Now, for 2018, I want to- 

Graduate from college!!

Get book one's edits done before school starts

Finish my re-write of book 3 before summer and start the book 4 re-write

Work on getting an agent

Get another job

Help the country in whatever way I can (vote in midterms, for example)

Keep up with my friends better

Keep reading stuff 

Write some fanfic

Get further in my Star Wars EU reading :)

Continue to stand up for myself more

Get a boyfriend FINALLY. Or, at least, start working on talking better to guys.





Supernatural season 12 review

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Sorry this is late! Been pretty busy with everything happening this year :O

Overall, I felt season 12 was a dip in quality from season 11, but since season 11 is one of the best of the show, I was expecting that going in. And, overall, I was able to enjoy the season as a whole.
In particular, I found that several episodes really stuck out to me and the Destiel was really nice. Also, season 13 has returned to the level of awesomeness I expect from the show, so it was clear I was right and it was just the new writers finding their sea legs.



The season begins where we left off with our heroes- Dean is with Mary who he has to convince his identity to, Castiel has been banished and lands on the side of a road (and steals a truck), and Sam is captured by Toni Bevell of the BMOL. The plot line of this season surrounds the conflict between Team Free Will and both the BMOL and also (sadly) Lucifer who isn't dead like expected.

The first three episodes are very strong and I like how it sets up what the characters' arcs will be about. I know I read some things differently than others but I still liked the focus on the mother's relationship with the boys, showing Cas and Mary bonding, and the nice camaraderie and love between Dean and Castiel which keeps getting better and better. Also, we GOT A HUG AND IT WAS AMAZING LET ME TELL YOU <3 p="">
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(gif from tumblr)

Something that shocked me was Mary leaving the bunker in end of episode three. While I can understand her need for space, she is STILL their mother and WANTED to be their mother so she really should have been much kinder in her way of doing things (and she continues to hurt the throughout the season, just like John did when they were children). I was happy that this was addressed at the end of the season in a very poignant way (more on that later) and I hope we get more closure on that.

The episodes after this until the big batch of excellent episodes are mostly all very solid. However, I couldn't stand "American Nightmare" (since, why did the horrible family have to be homeschooled. WHY WHY WHY??? We have shitty representation as is, PLEASE don't villainize us like this!). GRRR...I did like Sam and Magda and I wish she hadn't died since maybe he could have looked out for her (the boys interacting with younger girls is nice since we don't see that much of the time in fiction and if it does happen, it's generally kinda creepy).

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photo from Fangasm's blog.

The next episodes are all enjoyable, though none particularly stand out as the later ones do.

"The One You've Been Waiting For" was heart warming for me even though many felt the opposite. To me, Dean killing Hitler showed me that even though evil exists, we can overcome it (plus, considering Hitler actually committed suicide in real life and no one got to kill him, actually having him be killed was good to see, honestly). Plus, the girl in it was pretty cool and I loved how she saved herself at the beginning and helped to save the day at the end (without her, the boys would have been shot).

"Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox" was a fun and enjoyable episode with the return of Jody Mills AND a mystery. I enjoyed seeing everyone trying to figure out what happened with Asa Fox and the demon, as well as seeing more of the hunting community. The opening montage was also badass and I love LOVE seeing Jody with the boys (and she comforted Dean in her own way; the poor guy needed it :( ).

"Rock Never Dies" was also pretty strong and I loved seeing the boys all dressed up

Dean in a leather jacket. Now THAT is hot!


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The episode definitely solidified my view of Lucifer as a villain and a childish one at that. Like, seriously, you got what you wanted and you are STILL bitching and griping? Get an effing GRIP.
Though, it was fun to see Rick Springfield over the course of the first third of hte season play Lucifer (too bad they didn't have him sing "Jesse's Girl"). If I were Jensen, I would have gotten him to sing it :)

ALSO, I love that Castiel was the one who got a lead on the case from his source (Agent Beyonce indeed) <3 nbsp="" p="">
LOTUS, while not as strong an episode, set up the next half of the season very well with the dramatic ending of the brothers being carted off by the secret service :O It ALSO gives me a nice name to call mr. idiot currently playing president (yes, I am calling him Satan basically, cause he is). This sets up Lucifer (possessing the president) having a nephilim with a woman named Kelly, as well as causing Castiel is be even more desperate.

"First Blood" is overall a strong and exciting episode. I loved how they showed Castiel's growing despondance but also his growing closeness to Mary as family (Mary is kinda Cas's mom and, since Bobby was kinda his dad, this makes me happy. MORE OF THIS). Dean and Sam also look nice in their outfits XD

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(runs hands through the hair).

Dean and Sam's badassery here is off the charts, where we see them take down an entire group of soldiers without killing any of them. Like...DAMN. That made me happy to see. Then, Castiel kills Billie and there shall be...COSMIC CONSEQUENCES (now that I'm in season 13 I am laughing cause SHE'S NOT DEAD SHE'S DEATH XD)
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">After this came a successive trilogy of episodes.
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">"Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets" is probably my favorite episode of the season. Through this, we see not only some of Castiel's past (and Cas in a female vessel :D), but we also get some good exploration of Dean and Castiel's relationships. If you watch this episode and don't see that Dean and Castiel care about each other, then I don't know what to tell you (this goes both for the type of bitter Cas stans who hate Dean AND anti-Cas people). 
<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">This scene in particular is powerful 
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Image result for dean winchester in 12x10
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">It's a wonderful flip of the "The Prisoner" (in season 10) and it really shows how much Dean loves Castiel.
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Not only this, but we get lots of humor and great moments with every character and it's definitely an episode I'd share with everyone :) 
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Also, I will never be over the layers and themes surrounding "You held him long enough" (I can't believe no one else screamed over this -_-). 
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Here are my thoughts from when I first watched it 
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">"You held him long enough" 
Lots of great stuff in last's night's SPN episode. Steve Yockey is a new writer and this is his second episode of the show, but I can already tell he's a GOOD one to have on board; congrats sir! Was SO happy to get a Castiel centric episode. I liked getting to hear more about people from his past (I was sad his good friends died like they did  But I'm glad he took out Isham, that guy was a CREEPER. But I do feel bad for Cas because he doesn't WANT to kill angels at all). The focus on Cas was really nice and I loved seeing Castiel, Dean, and Sam interacting throughout the episode and I'm happy both that the ramifications of last week's episode were felt in this one (and Dean and Castiel were snippy with Sam in the middle being "come on guys!!") and that the three of them had a good TALK about everything in the end of the episode. Getting to see a flashback of Castiel (in a female vessel) was really nice thing to see  And the focus on Castiel's angel-ness is always something I enjoy- I know a lot of people want him to become human, but I kind of want him to keep some of his angelicness; he was an Angel for billions of years, he shouldn't have to give it all up and he shouldn't have to choose. Oh, and the DESTIEL was nice too- because Dean is Castiel's HUMAN WEAKNESS and Castiel is DEAN'S (it should be CANON now!). Though, I was surprised that many of the fans didn't see Dean's anger and snippiness as him actually being worried and not mad- because that's exactly how I am when I'm worried or scared about something. The twist with what really happened with Lily Sunder was an excellent one and I liked how Isham contrasted his creep obsession with Lily to Castiel and Dean and how it's obvious that Dean and Castiel REALLY love each other in a way Isham never could understand (also, Castiel's angel friend, Benjamin, had a really pretty vessel).
"and you're about to storm in riiiiight now" *Dean storms in*. And then all three of them are sitting in one booth like the cuties they are  .
Also, my mom was right- often, when people go ON and ON about hating something, it can sometimes mean that they have a little secret involved with it. Because, here, Isham was all "ew, humans, mud monkeys, GROSS" but then he was all obsessed with Lily, soo...hypocrite dude! Stop being mean to Castiel about Dean and Sam, at least he DOES love them.

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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Next, we got the episode "Regarding Dean" which is a great character study of Dean Winchester, showing that, no matter what, even if he loses his memories, he is still one to be a hero, save the day, and try to be good. Basically, Dean is a good guy and if you don't see it, you aren't paying attention.<3 3="" :="" a="" also="" always="" and="" badass="" cute="" day.="" dean="" deeply="" distressing="" from="" hero="" hilarious="" is="" it="" nbsp="" overall="" ranges="" sad="" save="" shows="" sweetheart="" that="" the="" to="" us="" who="" will="" work="">
Also, he likes curly hair, which mad my day :)
But..but...THIS SCENE :'(



Next we have the awesomely fun (and Destiel-heavy) episode "Stuck in the Middle (With You)" :D
The main two things about this episode to remember is the Tarentino style of filming and references TO his movies (such as the non linear storytelling, the briefcase with the glowing thing inside, and the parallels to "Reservoir Dogs") and the whole, well, CASTIEL TELLING DEAN HE LOVES HIM :D I will never be over this
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<3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Also, we finally get answers on what the Yellow-Eyed demons are (Princes of Hell) and we get the COLT back :D

Next we have a stretch of episodes I found to be good but not amazing overall. They do set up the rest of the season, showing Jack growing in power, giving us some great stuff with Claire <3 3="" a="" all="" almost="" also="" and="" antagonists="" are="" as="" at="" bmol="" brainwashed="" character="" characters="" compassion="" dean="" eileen="" enjoyed="" eventually="" exploring="" fact="" faves="" feelings="" for="" genuinely="" get="" has="" have="" heart="" her="" highlight="" him="" i="" ick="" interesting="" is="" just="" ketch="" love="" mary="" me="" mick="" much="" my="" nbsp="" no="" of="" one="" relationship="" return="" s="" see="" seems="" so="" stand="" starting="" sure="" that="" the="" those="" to="" two="" up="" we="" well="" who="">
<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Also, I do think Castiel was being brainwashed. Cas would never knock Dean and Sam unconscious and LEAVE THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF A PARK AT NIGHT.
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Also, DEAN GAVE CASTIEL A MIXTAPE! IT IS THE BEST THING EVER :D
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">This all culminates in the finale, which I'll post my thoughts about from when I watched it for the first time.
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12x22 

Dean, Sam, and Toni - HOW DO WE GET OUT  
Sam: I know, we can use magic! 
doesn't work
Sam:  

Dean: Now it's time to SMASH with pick-axes like the dwarves in Snow white! 
*doesn't work*
Dean:  

Dean talks about how they had it made- he felt- and now they have lost both Cas and Mary  Sam regrets working for the BMOL, which I was happy to see. YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD! That was a STUPID idea! 

Also, Dean in a black t-shirt, all sweaty and muscly. SO HOT O_O    (we are pretending I didn't say that...)

Dean: I NOW SHALL FINALLY USE THIS GRENADE LAUNCHER I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO USE FOREVER!!!
Toni: You are insane AMERICANS WHO EAT TOO MANY HAMBURGERS
Sam: Come on, let him do it.
Dean: YESSS!! *shoots walls and it explodes* 

*Sam stumbles around and the air is nearly out. But the lights turn on just in time and it is DEAN who has saved everyone! :)* 

Go Jody and Alex, tie up the brainwashed Mary!! 

Mr. Ketch is weirdly obsessive about Mary. I found this interesting, considering his character, and I wish it had been explored later in the episode. OH WELL. 

Poor Dean and Sam, their brainwashed mom is being mean  

Ha, they brought Toni with them, which is amusing XD How does it feel now, lady, to be the one captured. At least they aren't mean like you (and Dean is going to let you go). 

Jody *comforts Dean and Sam and is more a mom to them than Mary* 
Mary: You want to me a mom to my boys! You can have them!
Dean and Sam:  
Me: well, she's been more of a mom to them than YOU have. 

All the hunters are going to go do Revolutionary War part 2 on the BMOl and whoop their ass. Sam gives a good speech and I'm glad he seems to have learned his lesson.

The two hunters that killed them in Dark Side of the Moon are back XD hahah, awkward!! XD 

Sam: I'd take a busted up Dean Winchester over 10 hunters any day.
Me: Me too, Sammy, me too 

Dean is going to save his mom! Toni helps him connect his mind to his mom's. 

Dean and Sam hug and they do the 'bitch, jerk' thing  I am glad to see Dean maybe healing from the parentification that was forced onto him at 4  

Sam and the hunters are kicking ass here, hehehehehehe >:D
*starts singing "World War Me" for some reason, even though it's Revolutionary War 2.0* 

Dean and Mary's scene is just......   šŸ˜­šŸ˜­

Like, Mary is in a dream state and we see bebe Dean and bebe Sam and they are so cute and Dean is so sad  And Mary is ignoring him as he keeps trying to get her to see him and get her out, but it's obvious she's choosing the dream rather than the real him and Sam. 

Dean: I hate you... You lied to me. I was a kid. You promised you'd keep me safe, and then you make a deal with Azazel. Yeah, it saved Dad's life, but I'll tell you something else that happened, because on November 2, 1983 old Yellow-Eyes came waltzing into Sammy's room because of your deal. You left us. Alone. Because Dad was just a shell. His perfect wife, gone. Our perfect Mom, the perfect family, it was gone. And I-I had to be more than just a brother. I had to be a father, and I had to be a mother. To keep him safe. And that wasn't fair. And I couldn't do it. And you wanna know what that was like? They killed the girl that he loved, he got possessed by Lucifer. They tortured him in Hell and he lost his soul. His soul. All because of you. All of it was because of you... I hate you. I hate you, and I love you. 'Cause I can't-I can't help it, you're my Mom. And I understand. Because I have made deals to save the ones I love, more than once. I forgive you. I forgive you. For all of it. Everything. On the other side of this, we can start over, okay? You, me, Sam. We can get it right this time. But I need you to fight, right now. I need you to fight. I need-I need you to look at me, I need you to really look at me and see me. Mom, I need you to see me. Please.

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HIM TO SAY THAT!!!?? 12 SEASONS!! I am SO glad he was able to get that out. I also loved how in the part where he's talking about his brother, that it flashes from his face to bebe Sam in the crib.  

JENSEN'S ACTING IS SO GOOD, DAMN, AND NOW I WANT TO WORK WITH HIM MOREEE!!!! *gives him heaps and heaps of Emmys and Oscars* 

Dr. Hess is so stupid XD She can't tell Dean from Sam. She tries to get him to work with her, by showing that LUCIFER is back, dun dun DUN. But Sam- even though he's terrified- is like fuck you, lady, and shoots the monitor. She tries to kill Sam but Jody shoots the bitch in the head >:D

Uh oh, Ketch has shown up and pulled Dean out of his mom's head before he could get through to her (but he nearly had). Toni is dead  What will happen to her son?  

Dean and Ketch start to brawl and Dean does a good job considering his LEG HIS BUSTED UP. I have fought while in pain and it do-able (I handled it fine), but especially if you are bleeding, it is a BITCH, and he did a good job. Mary shoots the murderous ass in the head XD 

Mary apologizes to Dean and says she's worried how they could ever forgive her for her mistakes. And she doesn't know how to face Sam. However, Sam comes in and says he has forgiven her long ago. 

Family hug  

SPN 12x23 

Mary Dean Sam : Lucifer is back, holy crap! How dare Crowley!
Crowley: Hello boys
Dean: BANG BANG INTO YOUR FACE 

In a house by a beautiful lake and ring of mountains, Castiel sees something SUSPICIOUS in the air and goes in and finds a creepy looking world and bumps into a familiar face! >:D

I LOVE the little domestic stuff between Castiel and Kelly. It isn't romantic, but it's sweet and kind and I just love seeing Cas interact with all kinds of people. I also have to say- I usually hate the mystical/monstrous pregnancy story lines, but the show did it well, I feel, and I wasn't uncomfortable at all. 

And I love that he read over 200 books on how to take care of a baby, bought WAAYY too many diapers cause the books all referred to pooping, and then watched online Douala classes (and knew all about contractions, but used the wrong word XD). Ladies, get a man like that! XD

I found it sad that, since Kelly couldn't be there for her son, she felt that she could at least build the crib for him  

Dean, Sam, and Mary finally find Cas. Castiel is all DEAN  . Castiel thankfully heals Dean's hurt leg. But the grace is a different color  Hmmmmm....

Dean and Sam ALSO find the suspicious thing and go in with Castiel. He tells them that it is a Alternate Earth and is basically a world where they don't exist, where angels and demons are evil and at war, with the few humans left caught in the middle. There, we see an alternate Bobby Singer  Poor Dean and Sam  
But it is a cool idea and I REALLY HOPE WE GET MORE OF THIS. 

They all prepare for Lucifer's coming, even with Crowley. Mary tries to help Kelly and get her to relax (glad we had this scene, since Mary has given birth before. Poor Kelly though  ). 

A wild Lucifer appears. SHIT. Cas goes for him, gets thrown, and Dean and Sam run away and lead him to the entrance to the portal. They go in and Dean is all "MWHAHAHA! I have a MACHINE GUN filled with Angel killing bullets! *screams*" 

Sam goes over to Crowley- who had been hiding there- and helps with the spell while Dean gets punched by the Devil. *running from the devil* . I WILL SAVE YOU DEAN! *tackles Lucifer from behind* 

Crowley reveals that it requires a life and then, saying "Bye Boys" (a reversal of his usual "Hello Boys") stabs himself and sets the spell off. I like this being the ending of his arc, so if he doesn't come back, I won't be upset, since it was a fitting and redemptive ending for the King of Hell who revealed he never really wanted the job anyway. 

Dean and Sam are about to run and leave Lucifer *who is screaming like a pair of balls* when CAS suddenly appears through the portal and charges at Lucifer to stab him.

Then we get a scene that clearly mirrors Dean pulling Sam from the room where his girlfriend Jess was burning on the ceiling (with the grabbing and yanking away from the scene, while the other is screaming the person's name. DAMN  ). 

Castiel appears through the portal, but IS PROMPTLY STABBED BY Lucifer the evil dick. Dean screams NOOO and Cas is on the ground with wing prnts Then Mary bursts in to save them and punches the devil in the face with the Angel warding brass knuckles all the way back to the portal, but falls in with him. Dammit, now she is trapped with the Devil. MARY RUN!!!

Dean is so distraught, he has lost pretty much everything now, so he just falls to his knees by Castiel and looks devastated  šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜°šŸ˜¢ I know Castiel will be back (Misha, Jared, and Jensen have all let it slip at JibCon this weekend), and I look forward to seeing how that works. 

Sam runs upstairs, closes Kelly's eyes, and sees the Nephilim in the corner. But it isn't a baby, but instead a grown up man, who smiles creepily O_O 



Destiel in season 12

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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">While one of the show's weaker seasons (they were trying to figure everything out, since season 13 has been excellent thus far), this season is rife with great Destiel moments and growth.
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Image result for dean and castiel season 12
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">Besides the obvious "I love you" and the mixtape, I think the most important part of season 12 was setting up an explicit 'why' in regards to why the ship has not gone canon yet. I'd had some idea but here the facts are laid out clearly and we are able to completely understand both character's perspective.
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">For Dean, the reason he hasn't said anything comes down to two major factors: he doesn't feel he is worthy of it and because Castiel keeps leaving. Now, WE know why Cas leaves, but Dean doesn't and when you see it from his perspective it's very HURTFUL. If I were in Dean's place, I know I would think the worst- that the person I love didn't love me back and not only that, but that they don't even want to be around me. Since Dean and I have somewhat similar worries (his are bigger since he's had a much harder life), I completely get why he doesn't act on his feelings. Whenever I've been kinda ignored by a crush, my first instinct is to shy away from them, since I worry I am bothering them. And, I feel, that is what Dean is doing while at the same time is trying to hint to Castiel that he WANTS him around (he's even said it), but at the same time is guarding his heart. 
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">For Castiel, there are also two major factors. The first is that he doesn't think Dean returns his romantic feelings and the other is the code that Angels follow which forbids a relationship between humans and angels. Since Castiel is autistically coded (and is someone I can relate to), while Dean thinks he's being clear with his hints that he wants Castiel around, Castiel can't read people that well and isn't going to be able to grasp the 'reading between the lines' thing (I should know, I can't do it either). Also, while I do believe Dean is bi, I don't think he's ever acted on it (or, if he has, it was a long time ago when he was hunting alone) and so Castiel doesn't know this fact about him. And Dean has called Castiel his 'brother' on several occasions, so I can understand him taking it at face value and not reading between the lines. 
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<3 p=""><3 p=""><3 nbsp="" p="">What I like and appreciate is that neither is demonized for this roadblock in their communications. Neither are at fault but both are understandable. I do think Dean is a bit closer to where he should be and once Castiel stops leaving, I think things will start to get better for the both of them.
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Regardless, from what I've seen of season 13, I'm feeling hopeful for a satisfying conclusion with this relationship :)

Also, SEASON 13 IS AMAZING SO FAR <3 nbsp="" p="">