Thursday, January 19, 2012
From the holodiary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice
I'm home. We arrived earlier this morning and I was able to have breakfast in the refractory for the first time in years. It was so soothing to sit there and see the wizened Yoda along with the few members of the Council still here up near the front of the room; their calm, steady presences having a relaxing effect on everyone in the room. I wonder it must be like for them; the galaxy is on their shoulders and yet they make sure that we, the younger generation, is calm and at least somehow at peace.
However, not is all that it seems. The Temple seems different; I sense a thick, confusing tangle of blackness splintering through the very air of Coruscant. It's corrupting everything slowly; even the Temple seems doused in faint shadows. My heart is heavy to see this in my once pure home. It's like the darkside is slowly taking over.......Force forbid that from becoming true. Everything seems clouded, even with with the Council, and I don't know what to make of it. Even though we are all calm and serene I can see the haunted looks in the eyes of the Padawans, Knights, and Masters who have seen battle as well as the ancient look that has come over everyone, even the youngest initiate.
I'm happy to be back, don't misunderstand me, it's just.....it's just that I feel out of place here......
I feel like I'm dirtying my home....and I feel like...I feel like I'll never be the same again. This place is my home and I'll always love it but....but I feel like we've both twisted away from the way we once were and now there is no going back.
But, by the Force, I am so glad to be back. I'd never known how much I truly missed the Temple until I walked off the ship and into the hangar to see a clan of younglings rifling through some of the ship and droid parts. The sight made me smile and tear up slightly. I remembered doing that with my friends Kyla, Rune, and Lint. After breakfast I went in search of Kyla and her Master but they aren't here; they're still out there, fighting, in danger, seconds away from death.......But I know they are safe. Because of something had happened I would have felt it. And because...because I can't loose another friend. I know I would continue on living, continue on serving the galaxy and the Force as a Jedi, but I'd me filled with such pain, such pain.
But today is a happy day and I need to stop dwelling on the tragedy and the 'what ifs'. We can only analyze and prepare but it doesn't do good to look back and regret. My Master and I are going to spar in the training room for the first time in what seems like forever then we shall walk around the Room of a Thousand Fountains and go out and to help with some relief work for those poor destitute beings who were made homeless by the attack on Coruscant.
Before I go, I'd like to...say something. I know your not real, your just something for me to write into but I've...noticed something I'd like to say in here. Something...strange is happening with Anakin. I've never doubted Anakin Skywalker and I never will but something is wrong; he's under a lot of stress and filled with some sort of fear. I can't quite explain it but I felt it, a tangle of confusing emotions, as he passed me in the hall. I'm worried for him. I also saw his former Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi and he too radiates a sense of worry and even though his is not as tight and mangled as Skywalker's it's..heavier, I suppose you could say. I could be wrong since everyone is like this now days- even the highest Masters on the Council, even my Master...even me. Maybe it's because I've heard so much about this duo that they've been rendered superhuman in my eyes and I'm just surprised that they are like any Jedi, any being. See, even I've fell for the holonet broadcasts. What would Kyla think of me? Just thinking of my friend makes the heaviness and sorrow lift slightly from me. I wish she were here now; maybe she could make some sense of everything going on around me....
Well, my Master is calling me to start our training routine, so I'll say goodbye for now.
May the Force be with you....forever and always. And may the Force grant speed in capturing Grievous and ending this war.