Thursday, January 5, 2012
From the holodiary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice
My meditation didn't work out very well; I am still as exhausted as I was when I started. But my mind seems clear so that's a relief. After meditation I went exploring the stronghold to keep my mind busy, and stumbled on an old shower room. After checking to see if they still worked, I went to find my Master and told him of my finding. He told me that he was proud that I had come to tell everyone of my finding before using it. My heart sang at his praise.....Our troops, my Master, and I used these showers to get a quick clean. It felt so good to scrape away the dirt and filth that encrusted my skin; I feel as if I've been reborn....physically anyway. Sometimes I wish I could be reborn..but than I realize I would forget everyone I love and that would be worse than the pain and grief I am experiencing. Sorry, got to go, my Master's calling me.
I'm back. My Master and I trained for about an hour; running through my katas over and over till he was sure I had remembered everything he'd taught me. Then we sparred. My Master is still loads better than me and beat me after about ten minutes but...that was the longest I've fought against him in a spar so hopefully I'm improving. My Master expects an attack soon so he told me to get some sleep but I've given up on sleep and since meditation isn't working I've decided to write in here some more.....I really want to return to the Temple since I haven't been there since......at least a year. I miss it's clarity, it's tranquillity, it sense of home. There, my mind was always clear and I never felt conflicted. Now that's all I feel.
And- wait, I heard something. Someone's contacting us. I'll be back-
We got some terrible news, so terrible I can barely write it down....Coruscant has been attacked and Chancellor Palpatine has been captured by General Grievous! I've only met the General once and I had so many vivid nightmares my Master had to hold me to calm me down. My Master was so pale when he got the news; I've only seen him that scared when I was nearly killed at the beginning of the war. I hate seeing my Master scared....because if he's scared I know it's really bad.
I can only think of the horrors the people on Coruscant are thinking....of what they are suffering. And I fervently hope that the Chancellor is all right; I don't think the Republic will survive without his leadership. I am afraid...so afraid. What will happen if the Sith take over? What will happen if we can't protect the Republic and it's people. What if...but, Jedi don't deal with the what ifs, we must keep on going and think not of the past.
My only consolation is that Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are being sent to rescue him and if there's anyone that can do this, it's them. I only wish I could do something but impatience is not the Jedi way. All I can do is hope and ask the Force to grant Master Obi-Wan, Anakin, and the Chancellor safety......
I can tell my Master wants to return to Coruscant but we both know that we still have to free this world; that is our mandate and we will follow it through. Hopefully after we save this world we can return to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple. And hopefully by then, Obi-Wan and Anakin will have rescued the Chancellor..........
I'm still scared however and I can't seem to release this fear into the Force; it just keeps gnawing at me......I'm shaking and I can't stop. I-I-
Fear is the path to the darkside Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to Suffering. Beware the darkside, Jedi. Beware.
I am still cold and still afraid but I'm going to try and sleep. I just wish I could take that pale, tight look from my Master's face. He doesn't deserve this, he is too good a person to suffer. He should never suffer and if I could I would take it all away from him. And as I lie here on the cold metal staring at my Master in the light of hologram of Master Yoda, who is still talking to him, I see him age right before my eyes.....and it's horrifying. May the Force be with you, everyone on Coruscant, Obi-Wan, and Anakin, and the Chancellor.