From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

Last night I snuck out of the house, lightsaber hidden beneath my loose sleep-shirt. I didn't know what I'd do if stopped by stormtroopers; hopefully I could have just used the Force on them and went on my own merry way before they realized that they'd been duped. Luckily, I needn't have worried since I made it to the empty storage building without any Imperial-related incident.
The largest storage room in the building is mostly empty except for a few piles of boxes shoved against one wall. Dust clogged the air, though, and I wished I could have found a better place to practice. I forced away my whining thoughts- at least I had a place to practice.
First, I went through my stretches- doing things like both kinds of splits, leg stretches and exercises; then, I did 500 push-ups and 500 sit-ups. I was out of breath when I finished which greatly disappointed me, I used to be able to do that many no sweat not that long ago. However, I was glad that I was still able to do all of them; If I had caved in from exhaustion at, say, 100 I'd have been mortified at myself.
Then I took my lightsaber out from underneath my shirt. I nearly cried as I held it, the feel of the hilt against my hand so familiar, so comforting, I more a moment felt the sense of my Master's hand on my shoulder, the swish of a Jedi's cloak as they walked passed me in the hallways in the Jedi Temple. When I'd pulled it from the bag under my bed, I was glad to see that it hadn't collected as much dust as I'd feared it would. I guess the bag protected it for the most part.
I'd ignited the lightsaber, the blue luminescence hovering in beautiful, thrumming waves in the shadowy gloom. I started to weep in earnest when I saw the blade glowing before me. Stupid Empire. Stupid Sith. Why did you kill them all? How could you?
I started going through my basic Shii Cho exercises, beginning slowly but soon moving more and more vigorously. My body felt a little stiff, my movements not as fluid as they should have been, but I was thankful that I hadn't forgot anything. Every-time a I heard an imperial vehicle pass by the window, I'd feel panic enter my chest, worrying that someone had seen my lightsaber blade and had reported me to the authorities. But they always passed me by and I was able to finish my Shii Cho forms without a horde of stormtroopers bursting through the doors, ordering me to come with them.
When I finished, I'd tenderly deactivated my lightsaber, placing it sadly back under my shirt. I was exhausted but as I stood there, looking up at one of Coruscant's moons through the window, I felt elated for the first time in months....maybe even years. I don't really know.
“I love you Master,” I whispered to the moon as I turned and left, promising myself that I would return as soon as possible.

Sadly, school has been so much worse than I had ever thought possible. I hadn't realized how much Kayla's friendship had meant to me over the last few months. I had been lonely for so long and I'd come to enjoy our friendship and time spent together. When I'd been with her, my longing for my old life and friends and pain would lessen and I could be myself...well, almost myself.
Ever since that stupid party, Kayla has been avoiding me. When I came to the class we sat together at today, it had gotten worse; I saw she'd moved to sit next to Satana. At lunch it was the same thing; however, that time, as I walked passed she cast me a withering glance before turning to Satana who began to giggle with her about something. I'd felt about ready to cry again, so I hurried away and sat down at an empty table with my soggy sandwich, runny soup, and overly-sweet cookie.
Was she angry at me for leaving so abruptly at the party? Or had Satana told her a warped version of what had happened between us?(Oh my Force, I cannot believe I just wrote that).
I'm guessing it's a bit of both. When I walked passed the table to depose of my tray and plate, I saw Satana give me a smug, cruel smirk. She mouths “I'll get you” and waves her hand in a strange, fluttery way. That was when I realized she wanted revenge on me for turning her down at the party.
Why did she have to be so vindictive? I helped her, for stars sakes! You know, she really reminds me of that dark Acolyte, Asajj Ventress who fought for the Separatists during the Clone Wars, who killed my beloved friend, Lint. Looking at Kayla's stormy face, I realize again why Jedi don't let attachments rule their lives, especially the romance kind. It just makes things difficult and complicated which we Jedi don't need since our lives are confusing enough as it is. Of course, we sometimes fall for people, but we always put it aside. Well, except for Anakin Skywalker, that kriffing traitor.
Sorry for the language.
Now that Kayla is no longer my friend, all I have for a friend is this holo-diary. I remember back when I first started writing in here, I wondered why my Master wanted me to have it. Now I understand and I am so thankful it makes my chest hurt. If he hadn't given it to me, I'd be friendless.
I'd be completely and utterly alone.

Aran Liander