I saw a medic on the ship who administrated bacta to me yesterday; I could tell she wanted to know where I got my injuries from but I was thankful she fought the impulse. While I'm still in pain, it isn't as sharp as it was; I am especially glad that the wound to my skull is looking much better now. That bacta immersion definitely helped.
I began having nightmares again- this time it was a replay of the brutal killing of the Jedi and Kayla's...craziness(which was so disturbing...). I awoke last night, covered in a sweat, and hearing the sound of my screams echoing my ears. At breakfast this morning I saw several people glaring at me and I guess I woke them up with my cries last night.
I feel like such a piece of poodoo.
That reminds me, I have chosen a planet to stay on. Well, not really a planet; it's actually a moon, a moon called “Nar Shaddaa” which orbits the Hutt world of Nal Hutta. I can't believe I'm going to the smuggler captial of the galaxy but I think it will be a good place to get lost in for awhile. The imperial leader, from what I learned by doing research last night, is very lax on keeping order on the world(he's most likely paid off handsomely by the Hutts). I don't know when I'll leave that moon but I should be there for awhile since my escape will have most likely caused the Empire to want to search for me- not that I'm important, it's just that they want all Jedi dead.
Oh no, I just saw some stormtroopers.
Sorry I had to abandon you like that. I returned to my room after seeing a few stormtroopers enter the dining hall and I had to run for it. Luckily, they didn't see me sprint out of there.
I'm debating on whether or not to contact Natalie and Ben to tell them that I'm okay. They seemed to care about me while I was staying with them but I don't know if they are on my side or not.
I shouldn't! Just look at Kayla! I trusted her and she turned into a total creep. I think I hate romance even more now than I used to. I'd seen and heard about people behaving that way but I never expected to actually meet someone I cared about be that way. I never expected to see someone I cared about be fine with murder just to get at someone. Calling them would be a terrible mistake, wouldn't it diary?
I wish I had another Jedi to talk to- they'd understand me, they'd get this fear I have that I've been loosing it all again, just like I did after Order 66. They'd understand my fear and help me control and accept it.
And I wish that Jedi was my Master.
I also wish I could see my friends Kyla, Lint, and Rune. After seeing Kayla betray my trust in such a horrifying way I want that innocent, kind, complete trust I had with my friends. I miss our quiet talks, sitting together in meditation, all connected.
But missing won't help them or me now, will it?
I was lucky enough to have had such good friends and such a good Master in my life. I shouldn't expect to have anymore. I may not be fine but I have my lightsaber and the Force is with me.
Well, I'm off to meditate on the terrible things that happened yesterday. I still haven't been able to get them out of my mind- my heart and mouth won't stop hurting, and I can't think about anything without beginning to feel nauseous. Wish me luck.
May the Force be with me in my new home when I get there and lend me the patience to live in such settings.