From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

982 ARR

I didn't know that physical pain could be this agonizing. Emotional hurt is still worse, but I am still thankful I was taught how to endure flesh pain as a Jedi initiate. I just wish I had the Force....I miss it.

As you can see, we have passed into standard another year and I spent that day in the wallows of this Corellian hell-hole. I heard that it was New Years Eve last night as I was taken back to my cell, bloody but still defiant; they may have taken much from me but they will NOT take my dignity.

I spent the night working out the jams in my body; I even had to pop a few things back into place- not something I relish doing. While nursing the bruises and tears in my flesh, I had thought back to what I'd been doing last year at this time. The war had been going on, of course, but I'd been with my Master and the Jedi Order had still been alive and well, if a little battered. And....I'm ashamed to say it, but I wish the war was still going on, if it meant I could have one more minute with my Master.

I know, I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I just want to go somewhere- anywhere, but here.

The beating was even more worse than usual today. They still haven't hurt me as much as that first day- I still fight back but the chip in my head just about kills me every time. In fact, I think I will have this mind-rattling ache on my brain perpetually. I wonder if the reason they were extra vicious today was because of the new year and they want to impress their pug-faced Imperial instructor. Not that it matters; the bruises on me are still black and huge and the cut on my forehead keeps on opening up and leaking blood.

I think I'll try to go to sleep. I haven't figured an escape plan out yet so hopefully rest will rejuvenate my brain a bit. All I can really focus on now is everything that is burdensome in my life.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

* * * *

I have an idea for escape but I don't know if it's a good one since it goes against something I swore I'd never do again. I might have to cut this chip out of my skull. I have a lightsaber so it IS possible but I told myself I'd never inflict physical harm on myself ever again. The memory of that moment of insanity, that moment where blood had blossomed from my arms and run down me in rivulets and how I'd actually felt better for a second makes me feel violently ill.

But it may be the only way for me to get out of here. I have many reserves of strength at my disposal but without the Force I don't know exactly how long I will survive. I could hold out for a life time, I know that, but what about my mind? How long till it cracks? I was knighted but my training was far from complete. How the hell am I supposed to know how much I can endure?

Sorry for the language, I'm just really, really worried.

Uh oh, I hear footsteps. Why are they back, it's not even morning yet.

* * * *

I have a bad feeling about this. It's a Jedi cliche, I know, but I can't help but say it since it IS true. Several stormtroopers are standing outside by my door and I have know idea WHY.

I hear something. Footsteps coming. It is a light sound- not the heavy tromping of imperial boots. Who would be here besides Imperials? Who could it b-

Oh my Force, NO!

Aran Liander