Monday, July 16, 2012
From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice
What in the nine Corellian hells am I going to do? I have to leave for school in ten minutes and Darth Vader will see me and kill me without a second thought. I'm going to die today. I know I will. I saw it in my dream last night after I'd managed to fall asleep after tossing and turning for unbearable hours. In my dream Vader had descended from his ship and came towards me, raising his right arm and clenching his hand into a fist. Through the Force, I'd felt as if two tree trunks were being pushed against my neck. Vader- Anakin -had stared at me with that blank face until my vision had been ripped to red fractures before turning black, a million voices screaming of indescribable terror in my mind as I fell forever....
He'd killed me like he hadn't before. Why had he spared me the last time? Why?
I had awoken screaming, so hot, so scared. Natalie hadn't come in this time and I'd lain there shaking and crying.
I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm sorry Master, I'm so sorry. I failed you.
* * * * *
I'm at school, waiting for Vader's ship to arrive. I'd brought my holo-diary and lightsaber with me. If I was going to die I wanted my only friends left in the galaxy with me.
I know it's cowardly, but I don't want to die. Especially not by the Sith Lord who slaughtered everyone in the Temple. Maybe I can fight him...? No, no that would be futile, he's older, stronger, and more powerful than I'll ever be. I don't stand a chance. I'm going to die.
I wanted to apologize to Kayla for whatever I did to her but she completely ignored my stumbling efforts. I broke into her locker and put a single flower inside, along with a note. I want her to know I will always be her friend and I'm sorry that I hurt her or gave her the wrong idea. Now I'm going to die alone and friendless. I see something long and metallic nearby. Maybe....
I hate myself. I'm covered in blood and my arms are stinging. Why the HELL did I do that? Where did that rage come from? I'm scared. I'm so, so scared. Master, please come help me. I need you.
I went to the bathroom to wash the blood off my arm, but my skin still hurts. How could I have done such a thing? Who am I anymore? Am I going crazy?
The water running out from the faucets is soothing; maybe I'll just stay in here. They won't find me, Vader won't find me, Natalie, Ben, Kayla, and Satana won't find me. I'll be alone like I should be.
I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense. Get your act together, Aran, you can't keep doing this. You have the Jedi Order to uphold.
But I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I?
* * * * * *
So much has happened in the last hour and I'm going to try and write it all down.
I had went back stood where the headmaster had told me to stand, and looked up into the sky, waiting for Vader's ship When I'd seen its black, sleek form appear as a dot in the sapphire heavens, I'd felt myself start shaking all over again as spider-webbed hands of the darkside began stroking the insides of my skull, causing nausea to nearly overcome me. As the ship landed before me, I felt wave after wave of the darkside buffet me and I nearly collapsed to my knees. How could I stand against such evil? Somehow, perhaps from that strong, Jedi boy I'd once been, I stood tall, face squarely facing the ship as the ramp lowered and Vader strode down it. His cape had swished around his booted feet as he approached me and I readied myself for the invertible, waiting for his hand to lift and clench, waiting for my life to me finally be jerked from my grasp. In a vain effort, that stronger, Jedi part of me again, I thrust up metal shields, blocking my Force presence, but I'd known it was no use. Vader would recognize me, I'd known it.
I'd been so surprised when instead of feeling my lungs being reduced to shriveled paper, I'd heard Vader speak in his deep bass tones.
“Well..” I'd opened my eyes, suddenly realizing I'd had them squeezed shut. Elation had flooded me, momentarily blocking the sheer pain in both my cut forearms. He didn't...recognize me?
I bowed hastily, apologizing to the entire Order over and over in my head.
“Yes, Lord Vader, right this way.” My mouth had been dry as I'd spoken those words. I'd begun walking, constantly conscious of him a hairbreadth away from my throat. I remembered how I'd suffocated in my dream last night and kept waiting and waiting for it, but that throttle through the Force never came.
“You have the Force,” Vader suddenly said and I felt myself go tight and stone-hard.
“Y-yes. Yes M-...Lord Vader.” We had continued walking in silence for some time, before he spoke again.
“Have you ever thought of joining the Imperial Academy? We have needs of the likes of you in our ranks.”
“Yes, Lord Vader,” I had said again, using all my Jedi training to hold back my trembling.
Just as we reached the Headmaster's office, he turned and faced me. I had froze, my gaze immediately dropping to his gloved, mechanical hands which hung by his sides.
“It's been a long time hasn't it...Aran Liander.” I really had frozen that time at those words.
I hadn't heard my name spoken in such a long time and hearing from this man, no this monster, was almost more than I could take. I hadn't said a word, just stared at Anakin, my heart bursting in my chest.
“Why---? Why...why didn't you kill me?” Vader turned and partially paced away from me.
“You weren't a threat,” he sneered, his voice chilling my skin with silky, cruel voice. My arms stung even more and I felt hot shame pour through me.
“But I couldn't let all die, now could I? My Master has plans, big plans, and we need as many of us as we possible can.” I could hear the cruel smirk on his face through his mask.
“What—what plans?” Vader suddenly was standing just inches from me, his life support systems nearly touching my face. His gloved hand had shot out and grabbed onto my throat, his muscles taut and strong against my neck, fingers pushing deep into my flesh. I'd stared deep into the empty eye globes in his mask, agony from the memory of his brutal murder of my Master pulsing rawly in my mind.
“I'd kill you now. I could you know, squash you like a little big, watch the life leak out of you. Your powers are weak and your resolve weaker.” I felt the gloved fingers of his other hand touching the spot on my hair where my braid had once been.
“I see your a Knight now. Pitiful. The Jedi must be running out of Jedi.” I don't know exactly what happened, but I'd felt hate howl around me and I'd screamed. And suddenly I had been sprawled several feet away, on my back, severely drained. I heard slow, steady footfalls approach me and as I blinked, I saw the imposing black form of Vader swim into view.
“I'd kill you now. I would have killed you with your Master and the rest of your brethren, but my Master wants at least a few left. He wants...” he abruptly had stopped talking and strode off, but not before whispering.
“We will meet again, and next time I might not be so obedient.”