From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

I have some good news, some bad news, and some really bad news. My Master always said to stay positive that is what I will do, even if it is so very hard.
The good news is that I've been getting through my basic exercises faster and without as much exhaustion each night. I've even begun to practice Force jumps, pushes, and pulls. I've careful, of course, but each each time I go(which is about twice a week) I feel more and more like a Jedi again. If only that feeling would last when I go to school.
The first of the bad news is that I got into trouble at school today, which was something I swore I wouldn't let happen.
I had been standing in the mens' bathroom, washing my hands at the sink, when I heard voices coming through the door from out in the hallway. They sounded mean and felt something wrong emmanating from them. Closing my eyes, I used the Force to weave through the sound of running water and air traffic outside to get a sense of what these people were saying. Then I felt a warning rush towards through the Force and I spun around, hands lifted, just in time to see the three of the Imperial Youth Instructors come in, the leader charging at me.
“I'm gonna kill you, you damn little whelp!” I nearly used the Force to shove him back, but I flinched and instead punched my fists out before me, slamming them into his compact chest. He stumbled backward, his ankles tangling so that he crashed to the floor in an undignified sprawl.
The other two thugs with him spread out on either side, flanking me. I steadied my breathing, standing as still as I could, arms loose at my sides. When I heard their feet zipping towards me, I leaped forward, spinning out of their charge, just when they slammed into each other, dirty curses ringing in the air around me. I swung around, fists raised, as I watched the three stand, all clutching at some part of their body, wincing in pain.
“I don't want to fight you. Now, stand down,” I said, putting as much emphasis on these words, a feeling of dread welling up in me as I remembered that stupid party where I helped that ungrateful Satana. I had knocked the leader out that night and now he wanted revenge. I wanted to beat myself over the head at forgetting about that important information; I had been too caught up in my sadness of loosing Kayla's friendship and still simmering with anger over Satana's lies, I had forgotten.
Now I faced the wild pack of angry gundark-like bullies, their huge faces puffy and flushed scarlet with rage and pain.
“You damn little punk. Who do you think you are, picking fights with us?” the leader growled, cracking his meaty fists against each other.
“The only ones picking a fight, are the three of you,” I answered bitingly, drawing in breath through my nose and exhaling it back out through my mouth. The leader roared with rage and charged me again and suddenly I felt as if I were in the flaming Jedi Temple, Anakin looming towards me, my body frozen beneath his stony cruelty. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I let loose a scream, the sound ripping from my chest, and sprang into the air, spinning into a 360 crescent kick, which I slammed into the boy's face. He thudded to the ground, eyes shut, an ugly bruise beginning to clot the right side of his face. The other two stood staring at me, mouths agape, and eyes wide.
“TROOPERS! TROOPERS!! COME NOW!!!” The bigger of the two yelled into his comlink.
I tried to move, to open my mouth to protest or move to intercept the boy's comlink, or even to run. But I couldn't. Blood-red smog seemed to have filled the room and I couldn't see straight. It was just like the nightmares I'd had right after Order 66. Blood was everywhere, running down the walls, clouding in the air, chocking me to death in my mouth. I was shaking; I tried to stop myself but as I said, I couldn't move, my muscles and bones turning to stone beneath my skin.
I looked down through the blood-clotted air to the crumpled form of the boy on the floor and I suddenly felt as if all the air had been knocked out me. I swayed and crashed into one of the sinks, the hard, marble edge jamming deep into my stomach before sucker-punching me in the forehead. I nearly blinked out, the cold tile underneath me reminding me of those cold nights of hiding from Imperials. The shaking got even worse and I felt myself chocking, my eyes raw. My hearing seemed to echo around me and as I somehow managed to thrust myself to my feet, I heard the sound of the pounding footfalls of Clone-I mean, Stormtroopers coming. The door was jerked violently open and five troopers came in, guns raised. A felt another scream bubbling up my throat but I clamped my jaws shut. I couldn't scream or I'd be done for.
“What happened here, sir?” the leader of the troopers said to the biggest of the conscious boys while another trooper stooped by the unconscious one still lying heavily on the floor.
“He-he fought us sir. I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen. He-” he made a face that I supposed was meant to look embarrassed and mumbled.
“He blasphemed the Emperor.” The stormtrooper turned his blank, helmeted face towards me. I wanted to protest, to shout that he lied, but I couldn't summon the resolve to. Looking back, I am horrified at how despondent I had been feeling right then. It wasn't befitting a Jedi or me.
“Come with me,” the trooper said evenly in his iron voice, and took my arm. I didn't even try to remove my arm from his grip, instead just following him passively out the door. The waves of crimson still swayed before my vision, the scream a bubble in my chest, ready to pop at a moments notice. I inhaled and exhaled through my nose as I shuffled along, wishing with all my heart to just drop through the floor and loose myself for a time. The agony that I had managed to stave off for so long had come back and I didn't know how I would ever be able to force it back again.
Suddenly, I had found myself in front of the headmaster's office.
“Enter,” the trooper told me tersely and I obeyed, pushing the door open and walking in. Why I did, I still don't understand. Maybe I hoped a punishment would be able to numb the bleeding mess my pain had caused inside of me. The headmaster stared down at me, his brows pinched in disapproval.
“Please sit, Mr. Shyn.” I had dropped into the chair, staring blankly ahead, as the headmaster rambled and shouted about how my behavior was unacceptablle and how if I broke one more rule I would be thrown out and blah, blah, blah. I didn't really pay him much attention turning his tirade. What did it matter? My family what dead and I was forever going to be alone and nobody cared. Not one person in this kriffing galaxy.
This is where the really bad news comes in. I had been fighting back tears, when I heard a voice spoken my the headmaster.
“Vader.” I snapped back to reality, the shaking stopping and the blushed smears vanishing from the air.
“What was that, sir?” I asked, trying to keep the alarm out of my voice.
“I said, Mr. Shyn, that Lord Vader will be coming tomorrow and I don't have the time to deal with the likes of you picking fights with out esteemed Imperial Youth Instructors.” He looked down at a paper before him.
“Now for your punishment, you will have to lead Lord Vader from his ship to my office where he will speak with me.” A smile, a wicked smile, spread across his face.
“How does that sound, Rune?” I barely heard him over the sound of my beating heart.
Vader? Vader was coming?
Now that would be bad enough, but you see, Vader is also Anakin Skywalker. Anakin who killed my Master, Anakin who nearly killed me but didn't. He would recognize me and I'd be dead.
Now as I sit here in my room, writing this entry, I know I have to do something. I can't let him see me. But what can I do? I'm not even a proper Jedi Knight. I'm just a kid who's braid was cut way to soon.
I have to do something. But what?

Aran Liander