From the holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice. Final entry

(I never did finish this fanfiction, so I thought I might as well finish it and give it a resolution :) Hope you enjoy!) (for 14/15 +) (Triggers for some hinted-at previous r-pe.)

The type of time keeping has changed since I last wrote. I'm going to stick with my way of measuring years and say 1005 ARR. That's all I have left of my past life, really, besides my lightsaber and the Force.

It's been so long since I last wrote to you, diary, and for that I am truly sorry. But I entered a really dark time and I was so ashamed to face you again, to face my Master again who was the one who placed you into my then-innocent hands. But now, as I hear the celebrations of the empire's fall outside, I realize I'm no longer the boy that made his way onto a terrible world and struggled with himself, with his loss, and with things he did not want to think about. I'm now nearly forty, almost the same age as my Master when he first chose me as his apprentice.

And, really, I believe it is time to face the last 23 years and tell you what has happened to me. I may not be the naive Padawan I was then, but I'm still very much a Jedi. And Jedi don't hide.

I still can't believe the empire has gone. I didn't help as much as I would have liked, but I still joined the rebellion, as a pilot, keeping my prowess to a minimum, to keep under the radar. But young Skywalker's bravery, his valor, his ending of the evil Siths holds me in awe. I've heard some snatches that he is the son of Anakin Skwalker, which I would undoubtedly believe- who else but the child of the Chosen One could take down the Chosen One and his Master? What will I do now, though? Now that the war is over, that the nightmare is over. Master, I know I am old enough, but I still don't feel wise enough to be a Knight- or even a Master. I can't even decide what route to take. I could restart the Jedi Order but I don't feel like that is my calling and the Force is silent to me. Young Skywalker, he would be a much better candidate. He is a true hero. Unlike me, a washed up Padawan stuck in a Knight's body. A Jedi Knight who couldn't even confront the Sith. I'd heard of others- other Jedi who had stood up. But most of them had died or been run offworld from the major worlds. Or worse. Maybe I did right. Maybe I didn't. I'll never know now.

Oh Master, I'm sorry I failed. I didn't do anything right. Or did I? Oh force, my mind keeps going in circles. Maybe I should just go through what transpired over the last twenty three years, to reorder my thoughts.

Yes, it was Kyla I saw on that day, on that dreadful world, which seems like so long ago now.

I can still remember that nasty meat stew I had made myself eat, still remember how I'd caught sight of her familiar hair by what was a brothel house, a place filled with the most disgusting of customers. I was convinced I was wrong, that I was seeing things in my all-consuming grief. But I'd gotten up, I'd rushed over there, breath held, sillily hopeful.

And I stopped dead when I realized I wasn't mistaken, that it was indeed my friend.

And she looked terrible. Gaunt cheeks, an outfit that barely fit her, her formerly muscular body now skeletal thin.

“Kyla?” I'd tentatively asked and she'd turned to me, her eyes the worst of it all. They were dead, gray, unseeing.

“Who's asking?” her voice was gruff, her eyes wandering up to the smoky sky where they seemed to catch onto the tangled knottings of smog and cloud above. I'd wanted to grab her, to take her shoulders, and I would have, but nausea at the last physical contact I'd received- Kayla's violence, her violation, blossoming before my eyes, tearing me to shreds, nearly sending me into a raging, sobbing ball of terror- stalled me.

“Kyla. It's me. Aran.” Her face swung towards me, eyes clearing just slightly, and she appeared to see me.

“Aran. What the kriff are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” I whispered, tears suddenly clotting my eyes, vision blurred. I wanted to embrace her, but her wary stance, the recoiling her body made me decide it was probably a bad idea. Who knew how many bad things had happened to her since last I'd seen her.

“I thought you'd died.” Her voice sounds sorrowful, yet empty, all life sucked out of her. It wasn't just her body that looked like it had wasted away. Her spirit seemed to have done so as well. I swallowed, and gently reached out and tugged on her sleeve, being careful to not touch her skin.

“Come on, Kyla. Let's get out of this place. I'm sure we can find ourselves better jobs and leave this planet.”

But she wouldn't come. Her feet rooted to the spot and she wouldn't budge when I tried to get her to follow me.

“No, Aran. We can't. I tried. I attacked the Senate myself, along with some others. They all died and I fled, from system to system. I tried to find jobs but I was recognized from my folly. No one would take me. Except this trash heap. Give up. It's hopeless.” She turned away, black hair covering her face in a dark veil.

“Kyla, we can't give up! We have to carry on. Who will continue the Jedi Order if we don't?”

“You're lying, Aran. You don't really believe that.” Kyla's voice was hushed, a soft, gentle whisper, her old kindness surfacing, a strange fragility emanating from her. The Kyla I had grown up had been tough, rambunctious- immature yes, but still strong and kind- a better person than me, who had always been too curious for his own good, too anxious, too trusting. But that Kyla was gone, just like my old self was too gone. Had the empire really rendered us ghosts?

And it struck me that Kyla was right. In a way, I had given up hope. I'd tried not to, but I had. Otherwise, why was I even on this stupid planet? Why had I been weeping so much, why had I written in my journal about ….about what Kayla had done to me? Why had I punched that pole dancer I'd seen earlier that day? The old Aran, the one who was a good Jedi would never have done that, would never had even ventured near that place, looking for work.

The old Aran wouldn't have been so hurt, so decimated, so violated and ashamed, pushing things out of mind. The old Aran would have faced them head-on and not shoved them down, not shoved them so far down inside himself that he'd twisted his memories. That Aran would never have lied to himself.

I remember to this day, with violent recollection, how ill I'd felt at that realization, how it felt like she'd punched me in the stomach. I'd sunk to my knees, not caring that the mud squelched against my pants, smearing it's filth all over me. I was already dirty, wasn't I? I had given up. I'd lied to myself. I'd betrayed my inner self.

“Take this, Aran. And leave this place. Please.” I'd felt her enfold my fingers around some crumpled money bills, pressing them into my palm. I looked up at her, abruptly realizing that my face was damp, tears crawling sickly over my cheeks.

“Come with me, then. I can't do this without..without someone good. I need you, my friend.” Her bleak physiognomy briefly parted its clouds and she smiled.

“All right, Aran. Let's go. We can leave later.”

Of course, that's not what happened. My luck- which I don't believe in, of course, but it's the only word I can think of for this- just, well, you know, is pretty awful. I was so ecstatic, you wouldn't believe it, at being reunited with my friend. It even made the ghostly pain in my mouth, in my skull, fade away. Even the creepy man who I was sharing the room with- who had stared at us leeringly before falling into a snoring slumber- could take the feeling away from me.

“I thought you had died in that firestorm, that purge,” I had said to her as we huddled in the small corner I'd rented. We had booked passage on a vessel out of this system, away from this wretched world. I hadn't felt so hopeful in...well, since before the war, if I'm being honest. I was stupid to be too trusting, of course. I didn't notice how much Kyla had changed.

“I didn't- I escaped, albeit barely. My Master went to find you but when she did, and she didn't come back...well, I ran, like she told me too. Where is your Master? Did he-”

“Yes,” I'd responded quickly, a sour note entering into blissful emotions.

“I'm sorry, Aran,” she'd said, gazing disjointedly at the corner. I wanted to ask her why and how she had ended up in a brothel house, but I decided against it. She wasn't ready to talk about it, just like I wasn't with my sickening realization. She was more broken than I was, that much was obvious, and I would have to handle her, and myself, delicately. Our training was amazing, of course, but we had never been taught how to handle such terrible things, one after the other, watch our whole world crumple and rip itself part until there was nothing left. I kept babbling to her, about nothing really- actually, I can barely remember what I even said- but I do remember having a lighter sensation hovering in my chest, like maybe the worst was over.

I was wrong.

The next morning, I awoke to find my friend gone, as well as half the money, with just a note where her figure had once lain. I picked it up, paper rumpled and spotted with stains of some greasy substance. I don't want to relate it completely- it still hurts to think about it too much, even now- but it basically stated that she couldn't be around me anymore. That I reminded her of a happier past and that it hurt too much. And that she was sorry.

I don't know how long I cried, balled up on the floor, but it must have been a bit, and I must have been loud, because the creep snoring in bed was suddenly on me, shaking me, shouted obscenities wresting me from my despair. The man catching me weeping wasn't the bad part- that was fine, there was no harm nor weakness is tears- it was the contact, the rough grabbing of me around the arms. It brought those memories, that I'd forced from my mind, that I'd twisted into something different, something less and tamer, up from the ugly dregs of my soul, blaring them like a bullhorn so that they rattled in my skull.

The forced kissing hadn't been the only thing Kayla had done to me that day.....

This time, I wasn't held by a stun, and I lashed out, a force push gone so arry and sloppy that it could have been done with more finesse when I was three, striking the man- and various other things- back and away from me. The man was unconscious, everything in the room in disarray, and I knew I couldn't stay. How I fought through my heaving and sobbing to gather all of my belongings and flee I'll never know. But I got out, in a daze, and hurried to that ship I'd booked along with...Kyla.

Once aboard I didn't look back.

I know it's been years, but I still can't believe she left. I know I'm probably being selfish, but it still stings. I'd lost my other two best friends, and my Master, as well as my innocence and, well, that kind of innocence as well.... How could someone walk out on me like that? But then, Anakin Skywalker, who I thought was the Chosen One, turned out to be the man who killed my Master and many other Jedi and the nice, sweet girl I thought Kayla was turned out to be a psychopath who hurt me in such a way that I still...I..never-mind. I can't. I just.....

And no, I never heard from Ky- her again. I did hear that she died a month or two later in a firefight, saving a family- whose mother was a member of the rebellion- from an avenging wave of stormtroopers. All my friends are officially gone now....

As I stated earlier, I did join the rebellion as a pilot. I didn't do anything overly heroic, but I did save as many people as I could and I feel like I did my part. But still, I wish I could have served as a Jedi. Am I still even a Jedi?

I made no friends in the rebellion, though. Everyone must have seen my secrets inside of me, known that I wasn't like them, and shunned me. They weren't all cruel or anything- some were even amiable- but it was like they didn't want to get to close, lest I turn into a raging freak who “kidnapped people's children”. Or what other crap people believed about us.

Maybe I'll contact Ben and Natalie. Let them know what happened to that boy they took in so many years ago. I'll thank them for what they did for me, giving me a small bit of happiness after the Sith wrenched it away from me.

******

Ben and Natalie are officially the only people in the galaxy to still care for me. They were so old now but they seemed happy enough to hear from me. I apologized for not calling sooner, but they understood. They didn't even seem to care that I was a Jedi, which was a first.

I know I've sounded unfair- I know most people don't really hate me or the Jedi, but...I just...well, I still have fear about all of that after everything that happened to me. After my Master died and my home went up in smoke and my family died, almost everyone left me or hurt me. But Natalie and Ben have given me some hope....

* * * * * * *

Good news! I have heard that Luke Skywalker is planning to restart the Jedi Order. I can't quite believe it. I haven't even picked up my ligthsaber in years, its sight too heartbreaking. But here it is before me. A chance to reclaim my life, to pull myself from this choking smoke that had descended on my soul. I will join once I visit Natalie and Ben. I have let the young Skywalker know that I was once a Jedi and he seemed glad to have found another Jedi of old, someone who knew the old customs. I only hope I will be up to the task. I'm such a disappointment......

So, diary, I guess it's time for me to put a close on this chapter of my life. I embark on a new journey until I rejoin my Master and my friends and fellows once again in the Force.

Master, I'm so so sorry I wasn't able to do much, but I hope I've earned the rank of “Knight” which you bestowed on me.

I don't belong in this time, that much is certain, especially with how I hear Luke- or Master Skywalker I guess now- talking(he seems to think we should allow marriage amongst the Jedi Order- something that will be hard to watch). Natalie and Ben remember what it was like, oh so long ago, but I know they won't live for forever and eventually I'll have to say goodbye to them. Until then, I plan on visiting them as much as I can. They're the only family I now have and I owe that to them. The new Jedi Order might be a good fit, who knows, but it will never be home.

Because I don't have one.

(Goodbye)

Aran Liander

25 ABY

Jedi Master Aran Liander died at the age of 65 in one of the first battles of this war(which I'm going to tentatively name the “Yuuzhan Vong” war. Uncle Luke- I mean, Master Skywalker- hasn't decided what to call it yet, to be honest). Normally I wouldn't do this, it isn't in my department of expertise nor a part of my job, but since I was with him in the battle and heard his last words, I feel like it's my duty to do so. And what better way than to put it in the diary I was given? I didn't read it of course- I understand privacy and he was a very private man. But I do think, if anyone who cared about him were to want this diary, they deserve to know how he ended up.

Aran Liander was a loner but I did get to know him well enough on the few missions I went on with him. He was a kind soul, yet extraordinarily sad. He never married, nor had any kind of relationship with anyone, still clinging to his old ways. And while I couldn't understand it, I do get why in a way. I know I still tinker with ships and mechanics even though I don't need to. It's a way to connect me to my carefree(well, mostly) childhood. And we all need that, a tie to our innocent youth, a way to show us where we come from. So, I don't blame him. I just wish he could have had more happiness in his life.

Master Liander did train an apprentice- a female Twi-Lek- and she was the only one who could bring a smile to his face, bring a light into his eyes. He loved her so much, that much I could tell from what little we worked together.

Sadly he lost her in an earlier skirmish in the war. I think that's what finally broke him, what made his death so easy, so quick in the battle I emerged from relatively unscathed. He was a strong Jedi, he should have made it through.

As I stated above, I was there when he died- I caught him when he fell in fact, my friend Tenel Ka helping me to shield him from the firestorm that raged around him. It was then when I felt him palm something- a holo-diary- into my hands.

“Take it,” he'd whispered.

“Finish my story. I don't want to be forgotten. Please.” He'd passed soon after that, and my twin brother and I had carried his body into the ship as we'd made our escape, Tenel Ka and my other sibling covering us.

His words haunted me for quite some time. So much in fact, I went looking in the old archives Uncle Luke had managed to find for anything relating to him. I didn't find much, but I was able to glean two things. The first was an old, grainy, holo-vid of himself as a small child, a youngling in the Jedi Temple in the creche, playing with the other children in his clan(not sure which one it was). He had been so happy then- giggling, smiling, all adorable and happy like I know my aunt's nearly born baby will soon be. He looked even more different in the faded image I'd found, somehow still there from an old security camera. He'd been older here- no older than thirteen I'd guess- and just a Padawan. His face was serene in the picture, with a touch of nobility about it. However, there was a humble hint in his physiognomy, a sense that he, while aware he the regard he held in society, didn't view himself as better, as superior, than anyone else. He looked so, so different from the morose man I had known and worked with. He still had that spark of life in him then, that desire to be and to do good. How he survived such loss, I'll never know, Somehow, he, Master Kenobi, Master Yoda, and all the others I learned about and know dealt with it were able to go on after losing their family, their friends, their family, their whole lives. And even when they find it again, it's not the same, and it never will be. I know I could hardly bear it if I were to loose everything like that. I'll always respect their strength.

Okay, I lied earlier. I did read some of it, the last few lines. I didn't mean to, completely, but I felt like I should, since how could I finish his story if I didn't know what to write about. But that was all, I promise. And what I read was so very sad.

So Master Liander- Aran- if you can hear me or somehow can read this, I want to let you know. Your Master, your Padawan, they both loved you. I hope you know that. And you didn't fail. You were a good Jedi, and an honorable one. I believe, I believe your family is proud of you. And nothing was your fault.

And one more thing before I wrap your tale up and finally give it an end. You had a home here. You belonged. You may not have realized it, but I think it's important to for you to know that. We may have not been your Jedi Order, but I hope we were enough.

You will be missed

May the Force be with you

Jaina Solo

****

(later)

(Thank you)  

From the Diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

982 ARR

We're going to be arriving today and I have a few things to tell you before we get there.

Number one is I'm sorry for not writing in here in such a long time- I've been really....I guess you could say 'despondent' lately and I don't feel like writing anything. It's all the same old stuff- my depression over Order 66, death, Kayla, my friends, and so on. The nightmares just get worse and I sometimes still feel a phantom pain in my mouth or in the back of my skull. I don't know how much more of this I can take...

Anyway, I tried to contact Ben and Natalie but I couldn't get through....or it might have been that they don't want to answer my comlink. I felt crushed that they would ignore me like this but in a way I'm glad they haven't answered. That way, I don't have to see the hate and shame in their eyes. I don't have to see the hatred.

Well, the bell just rang, so that means we're here. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

I wasn't able to buy anything with my measly amount of crumpled credits so I was forced to comb the streets for currency, like I did after Order 66. I used what little I could find to rent a corner in a room since I don't have enough to buy a full room. The man I'm 'rooming' with is a middle aged man about my Master's age and roughly human; all comparisons to my Master end there, however. He is dirty, grunge-faced, with darting eyes that I find very unsettling. I think I completely understand girl's wariness now, especially after Kayla. If that instance has taught me anything, it has taught me about the monsters inside certain people and how it can take away everything that makes them alive. I don't want to loose hope but...but I can't believe in living beings anymore.

Damn Kayla, why did you take my last bit of Jedi out of me?! You gutted me and left me for dead! You took something away from me that I'll never get back now and how can I be a Jedi if I have this big burning hatred for everything in myself?! I HATE YOU!!

….

I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I promise, I promise, okay?

Since I don't have anymore currency with which to pay my owner and rent is tomorrow, I went job scoping. So far I've managed to piss off several store owners when they tried to pickpocket me, and totally humiliate myself when I punched a pole dancer in the face when she made a move on me.

And now, I'm sitting in a wretched restaurant eating an unrecognizable-meat stew from some place that takes credits. I've been looking at job opportunities, not believing I'm doing this, and I have some ideas which I'll write down now.

1 – I could be a body guard or something- I am very skilled in combat and my Force sensitivity would definitely be a bonus. And it would definitely be better than every other karking job here that is crooked and, quite possibly, immoral. I may have sunk far, but I'm NOT going to betray myself anymore than I already have.

2 – I could-....Oh, who am I kidding, I'm a Jedi! I can't do anything on this damn, rotten world! I shouldn't have come here, I know I shouldn't have! It was stupid. And now I'm stranded here...alone..

Wait, that girl over there by the brothel house....she looks familiar..

Oh...

Oh my Force, is that Kyla? What's she doing here? Didn't she die, didn't-?

Forget this, I'm getting a closer look.

Aran Liander 

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

(Here you go, Solace and Covert Knight, just as promised :D)

982 ARR

There is a dead Jedi lying in my room and I can't stop shaking, the terrible noise echoing in my hearing like a thousand booming drums, going on forever and ever and ever and.......

The door swinging open before me, I had nearly thrown up when I saw her, when I saw Kayla, grinning savagely down at me from the opening.

“Hello sweetie, did ya miss me?” All the kindness she had once had was gone, as was that fractured pain I'd seen in her eyes when I'd been taken. I had tried to speak then but my throat hurt too much so I just nodded. Smiling even wider, Kayla had sauntered in and leaned down over me, her hair brushing my cheeks.

“You don't look so good, Aran, dear. Why I ever liked you is a mystery to me.” The bitterness in her voice had clenched in my heart so that I had cleared my throat and forced myself to speak.

“So-, so you work for the empire now, do you, Kayla?” She had backed up, blanching for a second before she grinned again, driving that speck of vulnerability off her face as if it had never been.

“Are you lonely, Aran?” she asked after a moment. Of course I was lonely but then, as I do now, knew I couldn't exactly tell her that. I couldn't tell anyone. No one would understand. So, instead of answering, I'd just turned my head away and shut my eyes.

“Aran, answer me! If you don't, I'll do something horrible.” I am ashamed to say, I didn't believe her. No matter the horrid betrayal I had witnessed at her hands, I still believed she wasn't capable of extreme cruelty. How wrong I was. How wrong....

“Oh, don't wanna talk, do you? Well, I can fix that. Troopers, bring him in.” I heard the door pushed farther open and after a second, a scuffling, dragging noise. I had parted my lids slightly to see two stormtroopers march in, carrying a limp figure, the head hanging, between them- and the figure was in Jedi robes. I had gasped, cowering instinctively, fighting the urge to take my lightsaber from my pack. Kayla had approached me again, crouching and leaning forward, that vulnerability back on her face so that she almost looked like my friend from school.

“Aran, please, say you like me. PLEASE.” she had grabbed my hand and pressed it to her mouth; I was so tired and freaked out, I didn't even resist. I had glanced at the seemingly-boneless Jedi, searching for any indication that they were alive. I'd seen their caved-in chest moving up and down rapidly and I took a breath of relief- they were alive. Then it had hit me, so hard I nearly doubled over. A Jedi was captured and apparently badly hurt. I had to do something, I had to. Out of the corner of my eye, I'd seen something flashing towards my face and before, in my sluggish feeling mind, I could stop it, Kayla's hand was a tight vice around my face.

“Aran, don't look at that wretched thing. Look at ME.” Her face was hard and her eyes filmed over with thick tears, somehow a fire burning in the water.

“That is a Jedi, Kayla, an alive, sentient, being. What do you want?” her lips had pursued and my stomach had twisted into a million knots. I'd had a very bad feeling, right then. I should have listened.

“Say you want me.” In another time, I would have laughed, embarrassed, while simultaneously feeling ill but then I'd just felt saddened.

“I'm sorry. I like you as a friend, but I don't like you in that way.” her face had crumpled then, the skin flushing crimson as she began to sob. I had reached out to touch her shoulder to comfort her, to apologize, to get her to stop sobbing. But before my fingers had reached her jumpsuit sleeve, a hard, stinging palm crashed into my already sore jaw, jerking my head sideways.

“Shut up, you kriffed up barve, just shut up!” she'd screamed, backing away from me, hands slipping into her pockets.

“Kayla, do you want me to-?” one of the troopers asked, their voice different then that of the engineered clones. This must be a recruit. Maybe even one who knew Kayla well.

“Say it or I'll have you killed!” she'd screeched shrilly, cutting the trooper off.

I met Kayla's agonized gaze, my heart aching in my chest.

“You won't do that, Kayla. I know you and you're not a killer.” One hand slid out from her pocket, the bloodless, pallid fist gripping onto a blaster. Shakily, she'd leveled it towards me.

'She's better than this. I know she is.' Grunting and gritting my teeth against it, I'd managed to push myself to my throbbing feet, raising my hands over my head.

“Kayla, stop. I'm sorry but you can't do this. You have no idea what killing will do to you, especially if you haven't mastered yourself. I know. I know and its the worst feeling in the universe.” Squeezing her hands even tighter around the handle of her blaster, she had glared at me with something that looked almost crazed. Panic had gripped me.

“Satana was right. You want her and not me.”

“Kayla, that isn't true-”

“I said SHUT UP!” I faced her, willing her with every fiber of my being to stand down, to lower the weapon. But she didn't. Instead she smiled again, a smirk, a horrible, twisted grimace.

“Landy, initiate phase two will you?” The trooper, the one who had spoken so familiarly with Kayla, nodded.

“Yes, ma'am.” Kayla turned her face back to me, all vulnerability gone.

“Well, if you don't want me then I'll make you.” I saw her hand jerk at something in her gun and I wanted to use the Force, so badly it hurt like a bruise on my heart, but I'd known I couldn't- I couldn't let any of them die. I locked eyes with her, reaching out a hand, knowing what she was about to do and screaming in my mind for her not to.

“Kayla, no-” The stun dart hit me, a numbing, dizzying sensation sending me dropping to my knees. Through my blurring vision I looked up at the Jedi and saw that it was a human male and a Knight by the looks of it. Suddenly, as if he sensed me staring at me, he looked up, his eyes baring his soul. Then recognition lit his face and a deep understanding filled his ancient-seeming irises.

“Aran?” he whispered, his voice a thick slurry in my hearing. Then, behind him, I heard a shot and those eyes, that face, was gone in a shower of blood and gore, the now, nearly-headless body falling forward, soaking in puddle of their own leakage.

And through the fuzziness, through the clouds clotting my brain and eyes, through the sludge in my blood, an emotion had exploded up through me and I'd screamed in painful denial and horror, reaching forward with agonizingly slow hands, the sound howling around me and I'd fallen to my hands and then my face when my elbows buckled beneath me.

A foot had gently eased me onto my back right before a heavy weight descended onto my lower stomach. I had looked up and through my tunneling vision I'd seen Kayla leaning over me, a warped grin stretching her lips into a terrifying grimace. Her hands fisted into my robes, her knuckles grinding into my chest.

“I wanted you was all. All you had to do was be like all other guys and at least want me back. But you couldn't, could you, you damn Jedi. So, since you won't want me, I guess I'll just have to do it for you. You know what rejection feels like? Well, I'm going to make you damn well FEEL IT!”

And she'd leaned forward. I'd tried to move, tried to turn my face away, to squirm free from her but I couldn't move, my limbs were completely immobile. I wanted to scream, to black out but I wasn't, I wasn't. She came closer, much, much closer then I ever wanted, and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it.

Now, as I write this, hugging my torn shirt to me and staring at the remains of his mangled, gory-smothered face, I realize I knew the dead man in the room. He'd been a healer, a kind soul who had looked after me during times I'd been injured- I'd even been taught my him. He was one of the most peaceful persons I'd ever met, he'd even refused to carry a lightsaber. And since the numbing agent injected into me has gone, I can't stop crying. I'd finally found another Jedi and he was killed becayse of my poor judgement. A good man was dead and it was all my fault since I had trusted in Kayla's goodness. I should never have trusted her. I couldn't trust her or anyone, not anymore, especially since I was considered pure evil in this galaxy we all lived in. Even the best of people could have a monster in their heart. Like Kayla. No wonder the Jedi preached so much about the temptations of the darkside and the temptations of the flesh. Now I fully and truly understand why attachment is forbidden.

I now know I have to escape. No one else can die because of me and I can't let anything like that happen again; not the death and not what Kayla did to me. My mouth still hurts and when ever the pain crosses my radar, I feel sick in my stomach. I never wanted to be kissed, never wanted to break the code, but she'd stolen that from me and I feel like I lost something I will never get back. Did I even break the code? Did I?

Okay, I need to think. I have to escape. Kayla promised to come back and from the vehemence and crazed emotion in her voice, I know what will happen cannot be good.

Hey, you know that idea I had earlier? Maybe I'll try it. Maybe if I just...HIT at my scalp....

* * * * * * *

So many things have happened today, diary, and I feel it is only right that I transcribe it all in here.

I did the thing I promised myself I would never do- cause physical injury to myself. But I swear, I had no choice. Digging with the hilt of my lightsaber, I'd managed to pull the chip in my head out, holding my mouth shut as hard as I could to keep myself from throwing up. Dizzy from the remaining remnants of the drug and the blood coursing down the back of my head, I'd gathered my bag and clipped my lightsaber to my belt. As I headed towards the door, I tore off my shirt and wrapped it around my skull, blood immediately beginning to soak through it.

I'd taken a deep breath and ignited my lightsaber and stabbing into the invisible door. Hearing a hiss behind me, dioxys flooding the room, I quickly cut a hole in the white plasteel and climbed through the burning hole.

“Prisoner, stop immediately and hold up your hands!” I turned and saw the stormtrooper who had spoken to Kayla, who had killed the Jedi. I swung around, slashing the blade into his gun and spun, slamming my heel into his breastplate, sending him flying.

Klaxons wailing, I'd sprinted down the passage, weaving on jelly legs, my wounded body beating in time with my heart. Storming footsteps clamored behind me and I ran even faster, the forever gray walls swaying and smearing before me. I'd known I had to find a way to hide before they found me. I'd known that, in my pathetic state, I wouldn't have stood a chance. I couldn't even stop Kayla...

I had spied a air duct, just large enough to occupy my emaciated form. Tearing it from the wall, I'd crawled inside and replaced it before taking off down the cramped passage as quietly as I could on my hands and knees, blinking the blood dripping into my eyes; the scarlet droplets reminding me of the dead man back in my cell. I didn't even give him a burial....

Somehow I forced myself not to think about it as I pushed myself along, alone, alarms and the stamping of boots growing into a cacophony of unbearable sound. Somehow, I found the exit in the maze of narrow passages and got away, blood leaking onto my bare shoulders and onto the bottom of the tunnel.

As I'd stepped out into the weak light of dawn, a cold wind had swept passed me and I shivered, wishing I could put on my Jedi top but knowing it was a stupid idea. Of course, I had to wear something so I dug out that oversized shirt I'd gotten during my desperate days on the streets and pulled it over my head, the cloth hanging off me like a second layer of skin. I knew I had to find a ship and I had to find one fast. The only problem was- How?

Suffice to say, I did find myself a ship- a large one carrying over a thousand passengers, all poor, all as desperate as I, maybe even more so. I used the last of my credits to get the small, cramped room that will be my home until I get off.

I don't know which planet to try but I looked at a list on the ship's data-board before I'd boarded. Maybe I'll look over it again after dinner and pick one out; I don't care what its like as long as its far, far away from Coruscant and the Empire. Maybe I can even find other Jedi like myself out there in the darkness of space, though I doubt it.

Now I'm standing in one of the large galleys, staring at the humongous, wall-spanning transparisteel window, watching as Coruscant grows smaller and smaller in the viewport, watching as my Master, my home, my dead friends, and a lost Order vanish from my sight forever. I can't stop weeping because I know I will never come back, not now that all my pain festers on the beautiful and cruel world below. I hate that I think this but I almost hate the world below that had been my home and light once upon a time. There are too many cruel people and even though I know it's not everyone, I somehow can't except that right now. I have much to work on. I thought I could somehow take on the Empire but I was wrong.

Goodbye Master, I'm sorry. I failed you, I failed all of you. And now I will forever atone for it.

Aran Liander 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer review: Seven Seasons

WARNING: Spoilers follow. I'll try to be vague but some plot points will be revealed. 

              On my birthday, I finally finished the seven season long science fiction TV show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".  Starting in 1997 the show follows the life of Buffy Summers who is the Slayer which is, as described - "Into every generation a slayer is born: one girl in all the world, a chosen one. She alone will wield the strength and skill to fight the vampire's, demons, and the forces of darkness; to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their number. She is the Slayer."
                Recommended to me by two friends(who also got me into Star Wars), I immediately fell in love with the television show. I loved seeing a strong female lead who was the chosen one and was an extraordinary fighter(she's the best out of all the characters). Wanting to turn the horror film stereotype of the pretty blond girl being killed by a monster in a dark alley, Joss Whedon made the core statement woman empowerment and it certainly shines through brilliantly. 
          Not only was the lead, Buffy Summers, physically strong she is, as well as the rest of the cast of characters, a very strong character in her own right; while watching the show she definitely feels like a real person as do everyone else. While the show is about vampires and demons and magic and evil, the people in it are very real and seem like people you could meet on the street. Joss Whedon and his group of writers sure know how the human psyche works and how different people act, react, and handle situations. The characters are by no means perfect- each screws up royally- but that is what makes them extraordinary. I love the main characters of this show and while at time I want to smack them in the face and shout "What are you doing?!" I wouldn't have them be any other way. 

Since the show is seven seasons long, I'll give my highlights, thoughts, and favorite episodes of each season and tell you what I think about the characters progression and the Big Bad. 

Season 1- The season starts off with Buffy, a troubled girl, moving to the town of Sunnydale with her mother after having burned down her previous school when fighting vampires; while unwilling at first to accept her destiny as the Slayer, she begins following what she must do when her new friends are in danger.
                 The first season, which was sort of half a season, is an awesome opening to the show. With it's monster of the week episode progression, hilariousness, and epic story arch, it makes up for some of the cheap animation that is prevalent in the first couple of seasons(it greatly improves over time). It introduces you to Buffy, your typical popular, Californian girl that loves shopping and girly things who just so happens to be able to beat up and fight anyone she wants; to Willow, the studious, timid, easily frightened geek who begins to have an interest in magic; to Xander, your average guy, who is also a bit of a geek, who proves to be the most loyal of the group; to Rubert Giles, Buffy's Watcher as well as the school's librarian, who teaches her what it means to be a Slayer, and eventually becomes the father figure that is absent in her life with her parents divorce and her father's distancing behavior; and to Angel, a vampire with a soul who is brooding and ridden with guilt from all that he had done before gaining it. 
The villain this season, a vampire called the Master, is a good one; while not the show's best, he is a solid villain and was perfect for Buffy's first foe. 

While I loved all the episodes this season, my absolute favorites were
1 Nightmares 
2 Prophecy Girl
3 Out of Mind, Out of Sight
4 Witch
5 The Puppet Show
6 I Robot....You Jane
7 Never Kill A Boy on The First Date 

Highlights of this season would be 
1: Buffy, after having been revived via CPR by Xander, kicking the Master's butt(in a dress) and sending him crashing through a glass ceiling and onto a spike below "I may be dead, but I'm still pretty" 
2: Buffy helping Billy with his fears, saving him from the 'ugly man'(his subconscious' rendition of his coach who beat him into a coma) by beating him and telling the little boy to wake up; I also like it when she confronts the actual coach(as does Billy) and helps to put the man in jail
3: Buffy's reaction to finding out she has to die "Giles, I'm sixteen years old...I don't wanna die". Sarah's performance in this scene was her best this season. I was really impressed with her here. 
4: Willow, Xander, and Giles running from a clown with a knife in "Nightmares" and Xander's "Your balloon animals stank! Anyone can make a giraffe!!"(or something like that)
5: "You forgot sunrise....which is in another nine hours you moron!"
6: The whole concept of the unpopular girl turning invisible because she felt so isolated and ignored by the world around(and because of the mystical nature of the hellmouth on which Sunnydale resides). Since I know a thing or to about feeling left out, I at first felt bad for the girl but once she started going insane and wanting to kill someone in revenge, I stopped feeling sympathy for her. 
7: Buffy saving Cordelia in "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
8: How Buffy defeats the demon Moloch and Willow punching him in the face saying, sarcastically, that they can still be friends after their breakup(I was laughing a lot during this scene). 
9: Buffy saving Xander and another boy from the evil She-Mantis(who is CREEPY). I won't say what was going to happen- let's just say I'm glad she died. 
10: Buffy, Xander, and Willow preforming a play in the talent show at the end of "The Puppet Show" 

Season 2: The second series of Buffy has to be my favorite. It had the best villains(Spike, the soulless Angel also known as Angelus, and Drusilla), the character of Oz is introduced, it has the best plot, some of the greatest growth for all the characters, and an amazing show down. The season was wonderfully dramatic, had a ton of awesome fight scenes, and had some of the funniest humor as well as one of the best Buffy episodes to date. 
         After a moment of true happiness with Buffy(I'll just let you figure that out), Angel looses his soul and becomes once again the evil Angel. Having Buffy have to deal with the guy she loves being evil and out to kill her was such a brilliant move. It really helped Buffy grow and mature and begins the pessimism she has about romantic relationships that persists till the seventh season finale. 
        Besides the evil Angelus, we are introduced to several new characters who become key players in the show. First is Spike and his sire/girl friend Drusilla. Spike, who ends up becoming a lead on the show, is a hilarious, punk vampire with a sarcastic attitude and a disgust with the ritualistic ideas of the Sunnydale vampires that we see a lot of in season 1. He is such a great villain and character and one that you will grow to like, even though he is still evil. Another new character I really liked was Oz, who ends up being Willow's boyfriend. He is the calm, quiet, deep thinker type and was very likable and played fantastically by Seth Green. Another character I liked this season was Kendra the Vampire Slayer(the girl who was activated when Buffy dies at the end of the first season); she was a great character and I was sad when she was killed
        I also really enjoyed the darker tone of this season, with Buffy's depression, the death of Jenny Calender by Angelus and him then planting her in Giles's house in a romantic setting(that was so disturbingly good and Giles's reaction is heartbreaking). With a fantastic midpoint episode and ending, this is definitely a season you won't want to miss out on. 

While I loved all the episodes of the season, my favorites were
Innocence 
Passion
Becoming part 2
Becoming part 1
I Only Have Eyes For You
Killed by Death
School Hard
Halloween
Phases
Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered
Inca Mummy Girl

Highlights of this season would be -
1: When, in Innocence, Buffy shoots at the Judge(who, before being resurrected, had been taken down by an entire army) with a crossbow and he's all "No human weapon can kill me". In response to this, she discards the old weapon and draws out the huge rocket launcher, saying "That was then, this is now" and blasting him. Such an awesome moment!!! :D
2: When in Passion, after Buffy saves Giles from Angelus and the fire that ensued  he yells at her that it wasn't her fight(he wanted revenge for a person's death) and she punches him before sinking to the ground and hugging him, saying 'I can't do this alone'. Such amazing acting and dialogue. 
3: Buffy and Angel's sword fight at the end of the season- it was really well done and exciting to watch(I loved when Buffy catches the sword between her hands). The end was especially sad :( 
Poor Buffy 
4: Buffy and Spike having to join forces to stop Angelus from sucking the earth into hell. The scene where he tells he he wants to join her side is hilarious(they kept punching each other)- "The earth could get sucked into hell and you want MY help because your girlfriends a big ho!?" I also love it when Buffy brings Spike to her house and is planning things- Spike and her mother have some pretty funny interactions. 
5: Spike singing randomly(someone's in the ceiling) in School Hard
6: The sadness between the dead spirits in "I Only Have Eyes For You" and how Buffy and Angel were possessed by them- I especially liked how it flashed back and forth between them in the final confrontation. 
7: "You were my sire, man! You were my YODA!" XD
8: All the girls chasing Xander- that was so BAD XD
9: "That was me favorite shirt! It's me ONLY shirt!" *starts pummeling bad guys*
10: Giles's reaction to the Werewolf Bounty Hunter thought he was involved with Buffy 

Season 3: While not as awesome as season 2, Season 3 is a perfect follow up to the best season and is in fact, my second favorite season. In this season we are given the awesome villain of The Mayor as well as the great character of Faith, another Slayer who was activated after Kendra's death and is quite unstable. The Mayor was definitely one of the best villains since he's not fully evil, he does seem to care about Faith.  Oz also becomes a series regular which I really enjoyed since he was one of my favorite characters. While not as dark as the second season, season 3 was still pretty dark, with characters having to deal with numerous amounts of bad things. This also ends the show's scenes at high school and how it can be just as hellish as the hellmouth (Oz's words at the end are definitely very poignant as is the battle at graduation which is a metaphor for breaking out into the world). 
       This season starts off with Buffy having run away from Sunnydale after her having killed Angel and having to deal with tons of guilt. Buffy grows even more in this season as does Faith, who kills a man she thinks is a vampire and is driven to cruelty by and her own messed up past.   Another great thing about this season is a brief appearance of the First Evil which plays a major part in Season 7

My favorite episodes
Graduation Day part 2
Graduation Day 1
Earshot
The Wish
Gingerbread
Helpless
Amends
Lovers Walk
Band Candy
Anne
Dead Man's Party
Homecoming
The Zeppo 

Highlights
1: The battle at the end of the season(Cordelia stakes her first vampire!) where all the students take on vampires and the Mayor-turned-giant-snake in an epic battle. The whole thing was awesome and Oz's remark at the end was perfect and summed up the three seasons. 
2: Buffy stopping Johnathon from killing himself in Earshot; it was a showing of great acting from both actors and I loved seeing Buffy be such a hero
3: Buffy being able to hear everyone's thoughts in "Earshot"; several funny things happen though in the end it is really bad :(
4: Xander seeing the lunch lady poisoning(before that he'd seen jello and was all "oo jello!") the soup with rat poison and running out into the cafeteria, knocking people's food out of their hands and yelling "RAT POISON! RAT POISON!"
5: Giles saying "Look at my mask, isn't it pretty? It brings people back from the DEAD. Americans." in Dead Man's Party
6: A drunken Spike trying to make Willow cast a love spell on Drusilla and then crying about how upset he is
7: Buffy stopping Angel from killing himself
8: Buffy killing a crazed vamp during a test by making him drink holy water. That was such a good idea! :D It shows that she is resourceful and can fight a vampire even when her powers are weakened. 
9: Giles cleaning Buffy's wounds in Helpless and Giles being fired from the watcher's council because he has a "Father's love" for Buffy.
10: When Cordelia's wish causes the world to be changed and Giles, right before he switches it back saying to Anya, who had asked how he knew that world was better then this one, "It Has to be"

Season 4: While definitely the weakest season of the bunch, season 4 still has great episodes and new characters introduced, my favorites being Tara and Riley. The episode has a good villain in Adam and the return of the character Spike is a welcome addition(as is them putting a chip in his head). In this season, Buffy and her friends have to explore not being in high school anymore and being out in the college world(or living at home like Xander). Thrusting the characters into a different environment was a great idea and even though at first it is a little weird and a lot of the first season feeling off kilter, the season still has a wonderful episode and several very sad things. 
      One thing that I questioned from this season on outward was Willow being gay. I definitely support gay marriage but having Willow suddenly being that way was a little strange, since before we see her interested in boys. I think, instead, they should have had her be Bi since it would have made more sense in the story line. I also felt like hers and Tara's relationship was a bit rushed and didn't have enough build up for it to be believable, but later on in the show it works, so all is good :). Though, I really didn't like a rude comment Willow made during this season - it being "men haven't changed since the beginning of time". If you look back at history and compare it to now days you can see how ludicrous her statement is. I understand she was hurt and upset by problems she'd had with guys, but I think its dumb to say something so grossly over the top. It kind of made me dislike her for the rest of the season(I'm back to liking her now since she was great in the last three seasons). 

Favorite episodes
Hush
Pangs
Wild at Heart
Who Are You?
This Year's Girl
Restless
Primeval 
A New Man
Fear, Itself
The Harsh Light of Day
Living Conditions 

Highlights
1: The gentlemen coming to town and ridding everyone of speech so they have to communicate  without words, Riley and Buffy finally finding out about each other- Buffy being the Slayer and Riley being part of the initiative, a military unit created to defeat the supernatural. I also love how Buffy screams and destroys the gentlemen. 
2: Faith causing Buffy and herself to switch bodies and how the two of them come to understand the other. The two episodes revolving around this scenario are very well done(and at times hilarious) and we get a good idea of who both girls are.
3: The dreams in the last episode where the scoobies encounter the first Slayer who tries to dehumanize Buffy who, of course, rebuffs her, until she has no more power over them.
4: Spike's obsession with soap operas - "Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody and IF YOU MAKE ME MISS IT, I'LL!!" Giles: You'll do what, lick me to death? 
5: Giles(when he's turned into a demon) chasing Professor Walsh in revenge for her saying that Buffy didn't have a good father role model in her life
6: When professor Walsh tries to have Buffy killed and after it fails Buffy says something to the effect of "You have no idea what a slayer is"
7: The sadness that is Oz leaving because the wolf inside of him makes him cheat on her. Usually when couples have to be split up, I don't care, but the actors did such a good job I actually felt sad and was thinking 'NO!' 
8: Buffy thinking he roomate was evil(which ended up being true)
9: Thanksgiving!! :D Such a good episode :D It had a good feeling to it, was hilarious, and had some really good moments. Definitely a favorite :)

Season 5: After a slightly disappointing season, season 5 ratchets it up several knots and makes it my third favorite season! :D This season has some of the best episodes on the show and while I, at first, wasn't so interested in the addition of Buffy having a sister(Dawn), it worked out and now I'm glad they introduced her(even though she gets on my nerves).
The villain this season is Glory, a hell god, trapped on earth who is trying to find the key so she can return to her dimension and take it back. Glory is definitely a very good villain and is a great foil for Buffy to defeat. 
           The episode also has a really sad tragedy in it which turns into one of the best episodes on the show(I'll go more into it in a little bit). The actors are amazing this season and we see them all grow even more. Buffy ends up having to leave college and start becoming an adult(but this doesn't fully accumulate until the end of the sixth season). Anya, a former vengeance demon, introduced in season 3 and seen a lot in season 4, becomes even more prominent. 
Also this season, we get one of the best finales on the show ever and we even get to see Buffy take on the famous Dracula! :D Oh, and a certain character gets a crush on Buffy and we can some hilarious scenes! :)
One thing that confused me in this episode was that, I don't know who we're supposed to blame for her and Riley's split. To me, it seems to be Riley's fault but Xander blamed Buffy for it. *shrugs* Well, I'll just blame Riley since that seems the most obvious. 

Favorite episodes
The Body
The Gift 
Forever
The Weight of the World
Crush
Intervention
Real Me
Buffy v.s Dracula
No Place Like Home
Fool for Love
Spiral

Highlights 
1: The entire finale, especially Buffy's actions at the end and everyone's reaction. I can't decide between the end of season 2 and the ending of this one for my favorite, it's that good. Even though Buffy is a human who makes mistakes, her actions here are truly that of a hero. I loved how they ended the season, it was perfect. 
2: The entire episode of The Body. After watching this, I have to say, this episode has the best representation of death and people's response to it that I've ever seen. It seemed so realistic and actually how different types of people would react. The fact that the death, one so close and personal, was by natural causes and not something supernatural that Buffy can fight and take out. It really is a struggle for these characters who are used to death being caused by the supernatural and being able to take out their pain on a being but with this person's death, there is nothing to fight and nothing any of them can really do. My favorite scene of the episode is when Giles arrives- I won't spoil what happens, but the acting in that scene was amazing. I also liked the fact that they didn't play any music(except for the opening sequence) during the show the entire time and instead had silence and background noise be the melodies that accompanied it. 
3: Spike's crush on Buffy. While I don't like the "romance" between them in season 6, I really liked him here during this season. The whole thing causes a lot of hilarious moments for the two characters and ends up being a very helpful thing for the Scoobies. Oh and  Xander's reaction was PRICELESS XD
4: The funeral in the episode "Forever"(which immediately follows The Body); it was really well done and I loved how they handled the emotions of the characters in this episode as well. I also liked Spike bringing flowers and Angel coming to comfort Buffy. 
5: Buffy saving the monk and finding out about the Key
6: Buffy's duel with Dracula. Dracula is, of course, the most famous vampire of all time and having having the Slayer take him on was just awesome! :D Dracula was also really well played and I loved his accent. :D 
7: I really loved getting to find out more on what makes a Slayer. It was very interesting and sets up well for the final reveals we get in the last season :).

Season 6: Considered to be the darkest season of the show's run, the sixth season definitely handles some pretty hefty issues that might bother some people. I, however, loved the dark nature of this season! :D Each character has a deeply rooted problem they have to deal with and truly shows human nature's flaws and how even the best of people have a dark side. We get to see pretty much everyone's dark side this year, but we also see the strength they have in facing adversity. 
      Our hero, Buffy, has to deal with being alive once again after being ripped from heaven where she was happy and at peace; I absolutely loved this idea, it was all very fascinating, especially since we see how much of a struggle it is for her to live in this world, seeing it as 'hell.' The dark side that springs from our hero comes from the bad things that seem to happen one after another to her- not only was she ripped out of heaven, it was her friends who did it and on top of all that, she has to shoulder the full responsibilities of being an adult in order to take care of her sister(she has to work at a fast-food joint and drop out of college.) Buffy's depression and lack of feeling leads her to begin a very unhealthy relationship with Spike. 
Along with Buffy, Willow undergoes a large transformation as well which all comes down to her overuse of magic; she is addicted and it causes many problems to herself and others which leads to the full of meaning finale- definitely up there with the best finales of the show. 
       While there are villains of a sort this season, three geeks called the Trio, the real villains of this season are the characters themselves and the hardness of life. While the season is very dark, there is hope too, especially in characters like Tara, who is at her best, and helps provide light and ends up helping Buffy during her time of need.
      The finale ends with a wonderful note and a very symbolic meaning. At the end, after having falling into a large hole in the graveyard, both Buffy and Dawn crawl out which shadows Buffy having dug herself out of her own grave at the beginning of the season after being ripped from the kindness of heaven; it also symbols Buffy being reborn again. When she first crawled out of the ground she hated life and did many destructive things to herself in order to feel again; when she crawls out the second time, her hope and her belief in life are restored and its like she's a whole person once again, yet different from her experiences. When I saw this parallel, I was so impressed and excited at how amazing it was. The writers are genius!
     The only thing that really bothered me was that Spike tried to do the evil R thing to Buffy in one of the last episodes and it took her a little bit to get him off her(but she had hurt herself and she was surprised, so that might have been the reason). As a stronger hater of the evil R, it really bothered me :P Though I was very glad to hear the actor who plays Spike say  that it was the hardest scene he ever had to film and he was never going to film a scene like that again. (oh, and I didn't watch the scene, I scrolled down from the screen*I was watching it on Amazon Prime on Amazon.com*). 

Favorite episodes
Grave
Once More, With Feeling 
Tabula Rasa 
Villains
Two to Go
Dead Things 
Wrecked
Doublemeat Palace
As You Were
After Life
Bargaining part 1 and 2

Highlights: 
1: The finale; it was great to see Xander, just a regular guy, save the world and to see both Buffy and Dawn fight with swords :D. The villain who appears in the last three episodes was very well done and perfect for the darkness of the season(I won't say who it is, just that you'll be pretty surprised). I also love the symbolism they had in the finale, it was so well done :D
2: The musical episode!!! While at first I was a little unsure, they pulled it off marvelously! The songs are awesome and the cast are all great singers, especially Anthony Stewart Head(Giles), Amber Benson(Tara), James Marsters(Spike; the actor used to be in a band), and Sarah Michelle Gellar(Buffy). The episode also has some great turning points for the characters and shows their vulnerabilities. Such beautiful songs :)
3: When, after Willow accidentally causes a forgetting spell to affect the entire group, the scoobies all forget who they are and wake up in the magic box with amnesia. It is really funny seeing all the characters without their memories, especially since several embarrassing and goofy things happen XD
4: When Buffy breaks down to Tara about how she can't believe what she's doing with Spike and how she doesn't know if she's using him or not. It was really sad and well done and Tara was so sweet and handled it very well. I loved Tara there.
5: Buffy and Giles's reunion at both the beginning and ending of the season. 
6: Buffy punching Spike and screaming how he's a "dead thing" and how she is really talking to herself. 
7: Willow going off the deep end with her addiction to magic and the terrible things that ensued; very good acting in this episode, especially from Alyson Hannigan(Willow) 

Season 7: While the weakest season since season 4, the seventh season ends the amazing show perfectly. Women empowerment is especially prevalent this season, especially the totally, rocking, awesome finale!! :D I don't want to spoil anything about how it ends, but let's just say, it is pretty much perfect. 
 The season starts off very strong with an almost season 1 feel to it. However, the middle episodes get a little weak and seem to lack something(I believe, like a lot of other people have pointed out, that it had to do with the introduction of the Potentials; however, the Potentials end up making the finale as awesome as it is, so that's fine). The season picks back up at the end, however, and puts forth a perfect ending to the show. Also, a lot of characters from the past return for the final battle which I really loved seeing- it was very cool :D(such as Angel and Faith) One really symbolic thing that happened this season was the so-called 'preacher' Caleb who is actually a murdering misogynist; Buffy's fight against him is like women fighting to free themselves from the sexism still prevalent in our world(It has really improved, but we still have some work to do).  
     The only problem I had with the season was how Buffy and her rift with Giles was never brought to closure. Since their relationship was something I really loved seeing, I was a little saddened by this. And there was something else that I didn't like, but that would give away a pretty big plot point, so I'll stop now.
    One thing that was kind of annoying this season was the relationship between two characters that felt WAY too rushed. However, it was just a little thing so it's not really that big of a deal. 

Favorite episodes
Chosen (DUH!!)
Conversations With Dead People
The Killer in Me
End of Days
Help
Lessons
Showtime
Lies my Parents Told Me
Storyteller 

Highlights: 
1: I absolutely LOVED the ending!! :D :D The action was awesome, the suspense was awesome, the acting was epic, it was perfect and completely empowered woman. Of course, they don't throw guys out the window; Principal Wood(a character introduced this season) tells Faith that most guys are actually decent(Faith has a very negative view of them) which I thought was nice. Yay for good feminist messages(since a true feminist wants equality between the genders and do not hate men; we just hate the misogynists) :D There is another thing that was so awesome in the finale but I don't want to spoil anything- let's just so, it's so, so cool! :D :D 
2: Willow having to come to terms with a certain characters death. How it happens is really well done and revealing to Willow's character. I loved how Alyson portrayed her character in this episode, definitely one of her best moments. 
3: Buffy trying to help Cassie from her upcoming death in the episode "Help". It was a very, very well done episode and I really liked the actress playing Cassie, she is very talented.
4: When Spike and Xander stole the infatuation inducing jacket away from this one guy so they could burn it- best part of that episode(as was when Xander freaked out) XD
5: How, after everyone else has gone their separte ways for the mission, Buffy, Giles, Willow, and Xander stand in a circle and talk about what their going to do tomorrow- it was really great and a nice throw back to the first season :)

Sorry that was so long XP