From the Holo-Diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

School has been amazing lately. Well, not 'amazing' but you get my meaning. In the last two or so weeks since Kayla said she wanted to be friends with me, I've been feeling lighter than I have in such a long time. I've been doing better in school, top of my class in fact, and the shameful slashes of weakness on my arms are fading fast. Natalie and Ben, seeing that I wasn't insane as they'd thought, haven't said anymore about a 'psychologist' and for that I am glad. I don't want to unload my heart to anyone who isn't a Jedi. No one but a Jedi would understand and would be able to help me.

But enough of that, Kayla is my friend again! I don't think she's quite over her crush on me, but at least she hasn't said anything and for that I am thankful. I may be able to face an army of droids without feeling too much fear, but I don't have the courage to deal with someone liking me.

Santana, of course, as been all sulky and babyish as always, sending me what she thinks are dirty-looks but instead make her look like she's either over-acting on pouting or constipated.

Kayla, I'm happy to see, is no longer friends with Satana. I wish I knew what had happened to make her suddenly drop the girl she's been so obsessed with being all buddy-buddy with, but since she hasn't told me, I've decided not to push it. I just want to enjoy it while it lasts.

Besides Kayla's surprising renewal of friendship, I haven't had any problems with the bullies from the Empire. I'm not sure why, but everything seems to be going to well.

Of course, even though everything has been going so well, I haven't forgotten what Vader said to me.

That's why I've been bringing my pack of my past with me to school everyday. Just encase.

Well, I'm off to school. I'll see you after my training session tonight, diary.

The cell is cold.

I've been curled up in the corner for so long that I don't know if its the same day or if a night has passed. Maybe it doesn't even matter. At least they left everything with me. I tried to cut through the walls of the cell but I shouldn't have bothered; they were lightsaber resistant. Of course.

I was soaring too high and my wings were incinerated by the sun. Guess Jedi aren't supposed to be happy anymore. I can't believe it. How could this have happened. How-

I'm probably not making much sense, so I think I will start from the beginning.

I went to school like I did everyday, happy especially because Kayla was my friend again. Was that only this morning? Yesterday. Whatever. Well, anyway, when I got to school, everyone seemed to tense, even the teachers who never let anything but an annoying student faze them. I remember I could feel the intensity pulsing in the very air around the hallowed halls and stuffy classrooms. But I'd tried to ignore it, not wanting the strange sensation to ruin my good mood. I was a kriffed up idiot it turns out.

I should have followed my instincts and trusted that little warning voice inside me.

It happened at lunch. I'd sat down with my horrible has usual meal at the table I always sat and waited for Kayla, forcing the nasty soup down my throat. Nothing had seemed amiss, but I'd felt a flutter of foreboding in-between my ribs and insides, as if a winged insect was beating about inside me, trying to find a way out. I'd tried to dismiss it, but just as I managed to push it to the further-most parts of my brain, it surged back; such a deep tremor of warning in the Force I nearly fell from my floor.

The doors had swung open with a bang and a mass of Clones-I mean, stormtroopers, swarmed in, their feet thundering against the stone of the floor. I'd instinctively thrust my hand to my left hip, which was weaponless, before remembering that my lightsaber was in my bag. I hadn't pulled it out at first, instead just letting my palm rest against the soft cloth. Keeping my head down, I'd tried to look not involved but it didn't matter because I heard the lead stormtrooper shout loudly to us all words that froze my blood to sludge.

“Where is the Jedi? We have information that one is hiding in this school and we need to know who it is.” I had felt dread hit me so hard in the stomach that I almost gave myself away by gasping. I clenched my jaws shut to lock the rest of the gasp inside me as I fought the urge to bolt.

My first thoughts had immediately turned to Satana. She had done this. She'd somehow found out who I was and reported that there was a Jedi at the school. I remember wondering how she could have possibly figured it out. I hadn't let anything slip, had I?

Then was when I heard the horrible. I heard her say.

“I already told you who it was, you idiot. It's him.” The Clones had toward me then, guns raised. I somehow managed to push through the shock that had reduced my mind to gelatin and pull my lightsaber from my pack and ignite it, the blue blade a zigzag of vividness. I heard a crescendo of gasping from those all around me; so well synchronized that they could have been doing a performance.

“Surrender, Jedi.” I swallowed hard, looking around at all the teens sitting around me. I could fight, I could but someone would get hurt. Someone might even day. I deactivated the lightsaber, the thrumming, which had felt so assuring against my palms, vanishing completely. I dropped it into my pocket and made a run for it.

I had made it to the door before they hit me with a stun beam- powered down so that I was still conscious. But I hadn't been able to move. Two stormtroopers had hefted me to my feet, my arms hanging limply against their shoulders as they dragged me to the door.

And there she stood, red hair fanning out around her shoulders, a hard look on her face, her tears wet with angry tears. I had felt tears sting my own eyes. I had known it was her when she'd spoken but up until that moment when I saw her there, I hadn't wanted to believe.

Kayla...WHY???? I'd tried to speak, tried to whisper that to her, but I even though I could speak through the stupor my body was in, I just couldn't force the words out. Instead, I am ashamed to say, I said

“Kayla, please. What did I do?” Her face twisted and she spat in my face.

“You....you want to know what you did?” She flashed a look at the troopers who dragged me to the hallway entrance and tossed me into an undignified heap on the ground. Kayla had leaned down over me, the strands of her scarlet hair touching my face, and her right hand jammed into my chest, grabbing onto my stiff shirt with a vicious strength.

“You chose Satana over me, didn't you? You were with her at that party, weren't you?” Before I could answer, she shoved her fist against my lips.

“Wait, don't even answer that. I know what you did. Satana told me all about it. She told me that the best way to get revenge was to find something out about you. I didn't want to do it at first but I finally decided to. So I called you and when you weren't looking, I read your diary.” I'd felt an audible gasp escape me, pain a ever-growing stone at the pit of my stomach.

“Not all of it of course. Just enough to know who you are.” Her fist pressed harder against mouth and after that, I'd felt her other hand dig hard into my stomach.

“And you know what?” She had leaned even closer then and her voice had fell to a feathery hiss.

“I used to like the Jedi. I had felt bad for them when they were all slaughtered. But now I see they are just as the HoloNet said. Hypocrites. Pathetic hypocrites. I'm glad they were killed.” Her hands fell away suddenly and she was coming straight towards me. Realizing what was about to happen, I turned my face away and her lips fell against my cheekbone. When I had turned my face back to her, I saw that her eyes were red and clotted with tears. Tears of hurt and rage and such warped emotions that I finally understood what she'd meant.

“No, No, Kayla, I didn't. I swear. You don't have to do this.”

“Shut Up!” She'd screamed and her hand had slapped me so hard, that if I hadn't used the Force, my head would have slammed into the floor.

“That is quite enough, ma'am,” one of the troopers said, pulling her back. She'd fought to free herself from his grip but to no avail. She looked me straight in the eye and suddenly I didn't see a young girl. I saw someone older than I. Too old to be in school. I don't know who she was but she wasn't a student. Not in the least. How had she done that?

“You've been duped, you damn Jedi, and I hope you rot.” The troopers had lifted me up again and had set off with me towards the school's docking bay and all I could do was cry.

They brought me here on a ship. I'm not sure, but I think I heard something about the Imperial Academy.

I know I should be working on a solution to getting out. I know I should be planning my escape, meditating, practicing, doing SOMETHING.

But all I can do is stare at the wall.

The cell is cold.

And I no longer care.

Aran Liander 

My Jedi Costume: CVI

Since I'll be heading, as you know, to Celebration VI, I thought I would take some new pictures of me in my Jedi Robes. :D

Favorite Song Monday: Star Wars Edition!! :D

Since I won't be here for the next two weeks(I'm leaving later this week) due to the fact that I'm going on vacation (Celebration VI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D) so I thought, since I'm going to a huge Star Wars convention, I'd post Star Wars related stuff this week. So today I'm going to post all of my favorite Star Wars songs :D


Duel of the Fates!!!! :D :D The totally epic song that plays during some of the coolest battle scenes


Duel of the Fates Remix. It's a video and it's really good! :D


The Star Wars main theme :D Who doesn't love it?


Victory Celebration :D Definitely the happiest song in Star Wars. It's so wonderful! I actually played this as my recital piece for piano one year


Binary Sunset, also called The Force theme. One of the most beautiful songs of the Star Wars soundtrack.
It truly shows the best of Star Wars in it's brilliance.


Augie's Great Municipal Band. One of my favorite happy songs in Star Wars! :D It's so wonderful! :D


Across the Stars, such a beautiful piece :) One of my favorite softer pieces from Star Wars :)


Battle of the Heroes :D


Imperial March, a.k.a Darth Vader's Theme

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

(sorry this is so short- it's kind of a bridge between larger events you could say.)

981 ARR

I am ashamed. I can't let what happened yesterday happen ever again.

When I got back home, Natalie and Ben freaked out over the slashes on my forearms; I'd tried to hide them behind my sleeve but part of it had shown and they'd demanded that I show them and when they'd seen my arms they'd began screaming and yelling at me like I was some crazy lunatic. Maybe I was.

Never again, however. I will NOT slip into such desperation again. I am a Jedi and we do not allow ourselves to let desperation drown us. I'm not sure how my resolve came back to me but I'm guessing that it might have had something to do with two things: hearing my name spoken aloud once again and actually doing something to Vader. I HAD knocked him back- not as much as he'd done to me, but still enough to know that it had surprised him.

I redoubled my efforts earlier this night at my training grounds; I'm not up to where I once was but I think I'm getting closer. I'm not as tired or as sore and I can do more and stretch further than I have in a long time. I'm very glad I decided to be training again since I think it's one of the few things keeping hope a kindled fire in my chest.

Natalie and Ben made me stay home from school today and I stayed in my room except for meal times and when I snuck out to train. From my door, ear pressed to the metal, using the Force to hone my senses, I could hear them whispering. About me. They kept talking about 'A psychologist' and 'mental problems'. I know that can't be good. Did they regret taking me in? I think so. I mean, who wants to take care of a wretched Jedi child anyway?

No, no, I'm not a Jedi child and I don't think I was even before Order 66- I lost my childhood the day the war started and I haven't looked back since. Wait, I hear something. I'll be right back.

Words can't express how happy I am! Kayla called on my com-unit and said she wanted to be friends again and that she is sorry. I then told her that, no, I am sorry, and that I'll see her tomorrow.

I haven't been this happy since before that dark day, maybe even before the Clone Wars. Kayla wants to be my friend again. I'll have at least one friend in this life. Should I tell her who I am? Can I trust her to keep my secret? No, no I cannot do that. I would only endanger her. I already have the worry that I'll be pressed into military service at the Academy and I definitely don't want that.

When I remember what Darth Vader said to be yesterday, I feel a cold chill zigzag up my spine; he said that we would meet again. He had said his Master, that despicable, evil emperor, had plans. What they were and why they included me I don't yet know. I'll have to be even more careful now; two Sith Lords want me for something and I know that it won't be good, whatever it is.

Great, now my good feelings are going away and that dread and shame is settling back in. I really don't want this, I really don't. But I will take it. I am a Jedi and I will take it.

We aren't the villains the public sees us as; we will still protect you galaxy, I will protect you, even if you all hate me and cry out for my blood. I will protect you as best I can because...because it is the right thing to do.

Good night now, dear diary. Tomorrow, go back to school where I know I will at least have one friend.

Aran Liander 

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

What in the nine Corellian hells am I going to do? I have to leave for school in ten minutes and Darth Vader will see me and kill me without a second thought. I'm going to die today. I know I will. I saw it in my dream last night after I'd managed to fall asleep after tossing and turning for unbearable hours. In my dream Vader had descended from his ship and came towards me, raising his right arm and clenching his hand into a fist. Through the Force, I'd felt as if two tree trunks were being pushed against my neck. Vader- Anakin -had stared at me with that blank face until my vision had been ripped to red fractures before turning black, a million voices screaming of indescribable terror in my mind as I fell forever....
He'd killed me like he hadn't before. Why had he spared me the last time? Why?
I had awoken screaming, so hot, so scared. Natalie hadn't come in this time and I'd lain there shaking and crying.
I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm sorry Master, I'm so sorry. I failed you.

* * * * *

I'm at school, waiting for Vader's ship to arrive. I'd brought my holo-diary and lightsaber with me. If I was going to die I wanted my only friends left in the galaxy with me.
I know it's cowardly, but I don't want to die. Especially not by the Sith Lord who slaughtered everyone in the Temple. Maybe I can fight him...? No, no that would be futile, he's older, stronger, and more powerful than I'll ever be. I don't stand a chance. I'm going to die.
I wanted to apologize to Kayla for whatever I did to her but she completely ignored my stumbling efforts. I broke into her locker and put a single flower inside, along with a note. I want her to know I will always be her friend and I'm sorry that I hurt her or gave her the wrong idea. Now I'm going to die alone and friendless. I see something long and metallic nearby. Maybe....

I hate myself. I'm covered in blood and my arms are stinging. Why the HELL did I do that? Where did that rage come from? I'm scared. I'm so, so scared. Master, please come help me. I need you.
I went to the bathroom to wash the blood off my arm, but my skin still hurts. How could I have done such a thing? Who am I anymore? Am I going crazy?
The water running out from the faucets is soothing; maybe I'll just stay in here. They won't find me, Vader won't find me, Natalie, Ben, Kayla, and Satana won't find me. I'll be alone like I should be.
I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense. Get your act together, Aran, you can't keep doing this. You have the Jedi Order to uphold.
But I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I?

* * * * * *

So much has happened in the last hour and I'm going to try and write it all down.
I had went back stood where the headmaster had told me to stand, and looked up into the sky, waiting for Vader's ship When I'd seen its black, sleek form appear as a dot in the sapphire heavens, I'd felt myself start shaking all over again as spider-webbed hands of the darkside began stroking the insides of my skull, causing nausea to nearly overcome me. As the ship landed before me, I felt wave after wave of the darkside buffet me and I nearly collapsed to my knees. How could I stand against such evil? Somehow, perhaps from that strong, Jedi boy I'd once been, I stood tall, face squarely facing the ship as the ramp lowered and Vader strode down it. His cape had swished around his booted feet as he approached me and I readied myself for the invertible, waiting for his hand to lift and clench, waiting for my life to me finally be jerked from my grasp. In a vain effort, that stronger, Jedi part of me again, I thrust up metal shields, blocking my Force presence, but I'd known it was no use. Vader would recognize me, I'd known it.
I'd been so surprised when instead of feeling my lungs being reduced to shriveled paper, I'd heard Vader speak in his deep bass tones.
“Well..” I'd opened my eyes, suddenly realizing I'd had them squeezed shut. Elation had flooded me, momentarily blocking the sheer pain in both my cut forearms. He didn't...recognize me?
I bowed hastily, apologizing to the entire Order over and over in my head.
“Yes, Lord Vader, right this way.” My mouth had been dry as I'd spoken those words. I'd begun walking, constantly conscious of him a hairbreadth away from my throat. I remembered how I'd suffocated in my dream last night and kept waiting and waiting for it, but that throttle through the Force never came.
“You have the Force,” Vader suddenly said and I felt myself go tight and stone-hard.
“Y-yes. Yes M-...Lord Vader.” We had continued walking in silence for some time, before he spoke again.
“Have you ever thought of joining the Imperial Academy? We have needs of the likes of you in our ranks.”
“Yes, Lord Vader,” I had said again, using all my Jedi training to hold back my trembling.
Just as we reached the Headmaster's office, he turned and faced me. I had froze, my gaze immediately dropping to his gloved, mechanical hands which hung by his sides.
“It's been a long time hasn't it...Aran Liander.” I really had frozen that time at those words.
I hadn't heard my name spoken in such a long time and hearing from this man, no this monster, was almost more than I could take. I hadn't said a word, just stared at Anakin, my heart bursting in my chest.
“Why---? Why...why didn't you kill me?” Vader turned and partially paced away from me.
“You weren't a threat,” he sneered, his voice chilling my skin with silky, cruel voice. My arms stung even more and I felt hot shame pour through me.
“But I couldn't let all die, now could I? My Master has plans, big plans, and we need as many of us as we possible can.” I could hear the cruel smirk on his face through his mask.
“What—what plans?” Vader suddenly was standing just inches from me, his life support systems nearly touching my face. His gloved hand had shot out and grabbed onto my throat, his muscles taut and strong against my neck, fingers pushing deep into my flesh. I'd stared deep into the empty eye globes in his mask, agony from the memory of his brutal murder of my Master pulsing rawly in my mind.
“I'd kill you now. I could you know, squash you like a little big, watch the life leak out of you. Your powers are weak and your resolve weaker.” I felt the gloved fingers of his other hand touching the spot on my hair where my braid had once been.
“I see your a Knight now. Pitiful. The Jedi must be running out of Jedi.” I don't know exactly what happened, but I'd felt hate howl around me and I'd screamed. And suddenly I had been sprawled several feet away, on my back, severely drained. I heard slow, steady footfalls approach me and as I blinked, I saw the imposing black form of Vader swim into view.
“I'd kill you now. I would have killed you with your Master and the rest of your brethren, but my Master wants at least a few left. He wants...” he abruptly had stopped talking and strode off, but not before whispering.
“We will meet again, and next time I might not be so obedient.”

Aran Liander

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

I have some good news, some bad news, and some really bad news. My Master always said to stay positive that is what I will do, even if it is so very hard.
The good news is that I've been getting through my basic exercises faster and without as much exhaustion each night. I've even begun to practice Force jumps, pushes, and pulls. I've careful, of course, but each each time I go(which is about twice a week) I feel more and more like a Jedi again. If only that feeling would last when I go to school.
The first of the bad news is that I got into trouble at school today, which was something I swore I wouldn't let happen.
I had been standing in the mens' bathroom, washing my hands at the sink, when I heard voices coming through the door from out in the hallway. They sounded mean and felt something wrong emmanating from them. Closing my eyes, I used the Force to weave through the sound of running water and air traffic outside to get a sense of what these people were saying. Then I felt a warning rush towards through the Force and I spun around, hands lifted, just in time to see the three of the Imperial Youth Instructors come in, the leader charging at me.
“I'm gonna kill you, you damn little whelp!” I nearly used the Force to shove him back, but I flinched and instead punched my fists out before me, slamming them into his compact chest. He stumbled backward, his ankles tangling so that he crashed to the floor in an undignified sprawl.
The other two thugs with him spread out on either side, flanking me. I steadied my breathing, standing as still as I could, arms loose at my sides. When I heard their feet zipping towards me, I leaped forward, spinning out of their charge, just when they slammed into each other, dirty curses ringing in the air around me. I swung around, fists raised, as I watched the three stand, all clutching at some part of their body, wincing in pain.
“I don't want to fight you. Now, stand down,” I said, putting as much emphasis on these words, a feeling of dread welling up in me as I remembered that stupid party where I helped that ungrateful Satana. I had knocked the leader out that night and now he wanted revenge. I wanted to beat myself over the head at forgetting about that important information; I had been too caught up in my sadness of loosing Kayla's friendship and still simmering with anger over Satana's lies, I had forgotten.
Now I faced the wild pack of angry gundark-like bullies, their huge faces puffy and flushed scarlet with rage and pain.
“You damn little punk. Who do you think you are, picking fights with us?” the leader growled, cracking his meaty fists against each other.
“The only ones picking a fight, are the three of you,” I answered bitingly, drawing in breath through my nose and exhaling it back out through my mouth. The leader roared with rage and charged me again and suddenly I felt as if I were in the flaming Jedi Temple, Anakin looming towards me, my body frozen beneath his stony cruelty. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I let loose a scream, the sound ripping from my chest, and sprang into the air, spinning into a 360 crescent kick, which I slammed into the boy's face. He thudded to the ground, eyes shut, an ugly bruise beginning to clot the right side of his face. The other two stood staring at me, mouths agape, and eyes wide.
“TROOPERS! TROOPERS!! COME NOW!!!” The bigger of the two yelled into his comlink.
I tried to move, to open my mouth to protest or move to intercept the boy's comlink, or even to run. But I couldn't. Blood-red smog seemed to have filled the room and I couldn't see straight. It was just like the nightmares I'd had right after Order 66. Blood was everywhere, running down the walls, clouding in the air, chocking me to death in my mouth. I was shaking; I tried to stop myself but as I said, I couldn't move, my muscles and bones turning to stone beneath my skin.
I looked down through the blood-clotted air to the crumpled form of the boy on the floor and I suddenly felt as if all the air had been knocked out me. I swayed and crashed into one of the sinks, the hard, marble edge jamming deep into my stomach before sucker-punching me in the forehead. I nearly blinked out, the cold tile underneath me reminding me of those cold nights of hiding from Imperials. The shaking got even worse and I felt myself chocking, my eyes raw. My hearing seemed to echo around me and as I somehow managed to thrust myself to my feet, I heard the sound of the pounding footfalls of Clone-I mean, Stormtroopers coming. The door was jerked violently open and five troopers came in, guns raised. A felt another scream bubbling up my throat but I clamped my jaws shut. I couldn't scream or I'd be done for.
“What happened here, sir?” the leader of the troopers said to the biggest of the conscious boys while another trooper stooped by the unconscious one still lying heavily on the floor.
“He-he fought us sir. I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen. He-” he made a face that I supposed was meant to look embarrassed and mumbled.
“He blasphemed the Emperor.” The stormtrooper turned his blank, helmeted face towards me. I wanted to protest, to shout that he lied, but I couldn't summon the resolve to. Looking back, I am horrified at how despondent I had been feeling right then. It wasn't befitting a Jedi or me.
“Come with me,” the trooper said evenly in his iron voice, and took my arm. I didn't even try to remove my arm from his grip, instead just following him passively out the door. The waves of crimson still swayed before my vision, the scream a bubble in my chest, ready to pop at a moments notice. I inhaled and exhaled through my nose as I shuffled along, wishing with all my heart to just drop through the floor and loose myself for a time. The agony that I had managed to stave off for so long had come back and I didn't know how I would ever be able to force it back again.
Suddenly, I had found myself in front of the headmaster's office.
“Enter,” the trooper told me tersely and I obeyed, pushing the door open and walking in. Why I did, I still don't understand. Maybe I hoped a punishment would be able to numb the bleeding mess my pain had caused inside of me. The headmaster stared down at me, his brows pinched in disapproval.
“Please sit, Mr. Shyn.” I had dropped into the chair, staring blankly ahead, as the headmaster rambled and shouted about how my behavior was unacceptablle and how if I broke one more rule I would be thrown out and blah, blah, blah. I didn't really pay him much attention turning his tirade. What did it matter? My family what dead and I was forever going to be alone and nobody cared. Not one person in this kriffing galaxy.
This is where the really bad news comes in. I had been fighting back tears, when I heard a voice spoken my the headmaster.
“Vader.” I snapped back to reality, the shaking stopping and the blushed smears vanishing from the air.
“What was that, sir?” I asked, trying to keep the alarm out of my voice.
“I said, Mr. Shyn, that Lord Vader will be coming tomorrow and I don't have the time to deal with the likes of you picking fights with out esteemed Imperial Youth Instructors.” He looked down at a paper before him.
“Now for your punishment, you will have to lead Lord Vader from his ship to my office where he will speak with me.” A smile, a wicked smile, spread across his face.
“How does that sound, Rune?” I barely heard him over the sound of my beating heart.
Vader? Vader was coming?
Now that would be bad enough, but you see, Vader is also Anakin Skywalker. Anakin who killed my Master, Anakin who nearly killed me but didn't. He would recognize me and I'd be dead.
Now as I sit here in my room, writing this entry, I know I have to do something. I can't let him see me. But what can I do? I'm not even a proper Jedi Knight. I'm just a kid who's braid was cut way to soon.
I have to do something. But what?

Aran Liander

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice

981 ARR

Last night I snuck out of the house, lightsaber hidden beneath my loose sleep-shirt. I didn't know what I'd do if stopped by stormtroopers; hopefully I could have just used the Force on them and went on my own merry way before they realized that they'd been duped. Luckily, I needn't have worried since I made it to the empty storage building without any Imperial-related incident.
The largest storage room in the building is mostly empty except for a few piles of boxes shoved against one wall. Dust clogged the air, though, and I wished I could have found a better place to practice. I forced away my whining thoughts- at least I had a place to practice.
First, I went through my stretches- doing things like both kinds of splits, leg stretches and exercises; then, I did 500 push-ups and 500 sit-ups. I was out of breath when I finished which greatly disappointed me, I used to be able to do that many no sweat not that long ago. However, I was glad that I was still able to do all of them; If I had caved in from exhaustion at, say, 100 I'd have been mortified at myself.
Then I took my lightsaber out from underneath my shirt. I nearly cried as I held it, the feel of the hilt against my hand so familiar, so comforting, I more a moment felt the sense of my Master's hand on my shoulder, the swish of a Jedi's cloak as they walked passed me in the hallways in the Jedi Temple. When I'd pulled it from the bag under my bed, I was glad to see that it hadn't collected as much dust as I'd feared it would. I guess the bag protected it for the most part.
I'd ignited the lightsaber, the blue luminescence hovering in beautiful, thrumming waves in the shadowy gloom. I started to weep in earnest when I saw the blade glowing before me. Stupid Empire. Stupid Sith. Why did you kill them all? How could you?
I started going through my basic Shii Cho exercises, beginning slowly but soon moving more and more vigorously. My body felt a little stiff, my movements not as fluid as they should have been, but I was thankful that I hadn't forgot anything. Every-time a I heard an imperial vehicle pass by the window, I'd feel panic enter my chest, worrying that someone had seen my lightsaber blade and had reported me to the authorities. But they always passed me by and I was able to finish my Shii Cho forms without a horde of stormtroopers bursting through the doors, ordering me to come with them.
When I finished, I'd tenderly deactivated my lightsaber, placing it sadly back under my shirt. I was exhausted but as I stood there, looking up at one of Coruscant's moons through the window, I felt elated for the first time in months....maybe even years. I don't really know.
“I love you Master,” I whispered to the moon as I turned and left, promising myself that I would return as soon as possible.

Sadly, school has been so much worse than I had ever thought possible. I hadn't realized how much Kayla's friendship had meant to me over the last few months. I had been lonely for so long and I'd come to enjoy our friendship and time spent together. When I'd been with her, my longing for my old life and friends and pain would lessen and I could be myself...well, almost myself.
Ever since that stupid party, Kayla has been avoiding me. When I came to the class we sat together at today, it had gotten worse; I saw she'd moved to sit next to Satana. At lunch it was the same thing; however, that time, as I walked passed she cast me a withering glance before turning to Satana who began to giggle with her about something. I'd felt about ready to cry again, so I hurried away and sat down at an empty table with my soggy sandwich, runny soup, and overly-sweet cookie.
Was she angry at me for leaving so abruptly at the party? Or had Satana told her a warped version of what had happened between us?(Oh my Force, I cannot believe I just wrote that).
I'm guessing it's a bit of both. When I walked passed the table to depose of my tray and plate, I saw Satana give me a smug, cruel smirk. She mouths “I'll get you” and waves her hand in a strange, fluttery way. That was when I realized she wanted revenge on me for turning her down at the party.
Why did she have to be so vindictive? I helped her, for stars sakes! You know, she really reminds me of that dark Acolyte, Asajj Ventress who fought for the Separatists during the Clone Wars, who killed my beloved friend, Lint. Looking at Kayla's stormy face, I realize again why Jedi don't let attachments rule their lives, especially the romance kind. It just makes things difficult and complicated which we Jedi don't need since our lives are confusing enough as it is. Of course, we sometimes fall for people, but we always put it aside. Well, except for Anakin Skywalker, that kriffing traitor.
Sorry for the language.
Now that Kayla is no longer my friend, all I have for a friend is this holo-diary. I remember back when I first started writing in here, I wondered why my Master wanted me to have it. Now I understand and I am so thankful it makes my chest hurt. If he hadn't given it to me, I'd be friendless.
I'd be completely and utterly alone.

Aran Liander

Star Wars Challenge Day 11

Today it's all about battles!

So here goes- my Favorite Battle

Well, I like all of them since the battles are awesome to watch. Especially the lightsaber duels!

Okay, so here are my top two favorites.

I really love the above picture. Found it last night.

The Battle of Mustafar, or the duel between Obi-Wan and Anakin/Vader, is my favorite; mainly because it is so heartbreaking and well done. Ewan and Hayden both did well in this duel- with BOTH emotion and choreography. You can see the panic, pain, and desperation on Obi-Wan's face and the pure rage/hatred on Anakin's. The choreography in itself is amazing since the actors were actually doing the fighting at the speed that it is shown(they were a couple of times where single frames were removed to increase the velocity of certain strikes). We also get to see Obi-Wan's mastery of Soresu and Anakin's of Shien which is pretty cool to see. Also, the emotional battle leads to my favorite scene in the Saga(the dialogue exchanged between Obi-Wan and Anakin). Also, the duel is the most intense, and emotional in the Saga(the second most being the one in Return of the Jedi). Oh, and some of the maneuvers used in the duel are just plain AWESOME- like when they swung from the ropes and landed on small floating bits of metal below.

My second Battle of the Saga is the one that takes place on Naboo in The Phantom Menace, especially the duel between the Jedi and the Sith. It is a quick paced duel, with lots of acrobatics and nice lightsaber moves. It is also heartbreaking since the great Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn is run through by the fiendish Darth Maul while Obi-Wan has to look on helplessly(I was just thinking how that would feel. It would be AWFUL! Poor Obi-Wan :( ).

My favorite part of the duel is when Obi-Wan duels Darth Maul alone. Before it seemed that it would have to take the combined efforts of the two Jedi but when you see him go all out on Maul, you can see how good of a duelist he is; his lightsaber moves are awesome and when he is kicked in the face he flips it out and keeps on. Sadly, however, he was utilizing his anger and Darth Maul pushed him into the pit and he had to grab onto the nozzle. Then, he was able to calm himself, spring up, call his Master's lightsaber to him, and Sai tok(slice in half) the detestable Sith. Another reason I this duel is because it made Obi-Wan the first Jedi to kill a Sith Lord in over a thousand years(which is so AWESOME!)

Is it just me, or does Obi-Wan looks a little......scared here? I don't blame him- he's only a Padawan after all and the Sith are known to be extremely dangerous and haven't been seen in over a thousand years.

An Amazing book I read this month!

My absolute favorite book of the month would have to be the adult novelization of "Revenge of the Sith" by Matthew Stover, which is one the darkest and saddest tragedies I've ever read.
This is it!  The decision that Anakin Skywalker makes now will change the galaxy forever. The book is about darkness and treachery, brotherhood, betrayal and seduction and how a good man can fall farther then he ever imagined possible.
In part one which is titled "Victory", we are thrust into a space battle over Coruscant. As lasers rip through space and starfighters dance against a dark backdrop of stars. In this section, we are shown Obi-Wan and Anakin's camaraderie and we see just how close Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are; like father and son, best friends, and brothers.  It all felt so real, the descriptions are stunning, the fight scenes quick paced and exciting. The author was able to capture the true spirit of the characters.
We follow Obi-Wan and Anakin as they land in the hangar of the Invisible Hand and desperately rush to rescue Chancellor Palpatine, whom General Grievous has captured .
This part of the novel was just amazing,   Matthew Stover completely set the mood of the story, which we know is bound to be dark and emotional, fringed with a shadowy foreboding.  Some may think the author spent too much time on the battle over Coruscant, but I think it fit. It was just the right balance between action and character development, which I love.
The fight between Dooku, Obi-Wan, and Anakin captures Anakin's anger and fear perfectly and you understand why it was so easy for him to kill Dooku, instead of taking him prisoner.
In part two titled "Seduction",  the story starts to get darker. Trust frays and even the steel bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin is tested to the breaking point. Anakin, upon being reunited with his secret wife, Senator Padme Amidala, finds out that she is pregnant. Later, he is besieged by dreams of her dying in child birth. Desperate to save his wife from death, which he'd failed to do with his mother, Anakin begins to unravel.  He doesn't sleep and his mind is filled with doubts in his own abilities and a suspicion of everyone begins to take hold of his heart. Meanwhile, tensions between the Jedi Council and the Chancellor are running high and Anakin, already filled with turmoil, is thrust in the middle of it. It begins with the Jedi Council asking Anakin to spy on the Chancellor, who was a close friend of Anakin's since childhood. This section was wonderfully gripping and dark and the explanation of how Anakin was seduced, slowly and methodically to the dark side, is completely believable and heart wrenching. It also explains why Anakin became so arrogant, why Anakin wanted a seat on the Jedi Council and why Anakin would risk everything to save his loved ones.
It was Palpatine and fear that caused his fall. Over the years Palpatine had planted seeds in Anakin, telling him that he was the most powerful Jedi ever, even more powerful than Master Yoda. It was Palpatine that told Anakin of how a Sith Lord named Darth Plagues had been able to influence the Force to create and preserve life. Hearing this, Anakin was filled with a burning desire to become a Master so he could have access to the Sith holocrons which, he believed, he could find the information he could use to save Padme. Also, when Anakin needs his guidance the most, his greatest friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi, is sent off to Utapau to fight and defeat General Grievous, which the Jedi believe will end the war. Alone in the tense ocean, Anakin begins to slowly drift away from the Jedi, fed by Palpatine's lies that the Jedi no longer trust him. The emotion and confusion is so strong that I felt sorry for Anakin and makes him very human to me, which is rare because with most authors he comes across as a whiny, immature being.
And when I finally reached the part where Palpatine reveals that he is indeed Darth Sidious, the devastation Anakin feels springs from the page and strikes you like a lightsaber. First Anakin draws his lightsaber then, when Palpatine tells him that if Anakin kills him, his knowledge dies with him. Anakin then collapses into a chair, struggling with whether or not to tell the Jedi about his horrific discovery. Finally he makes his decision and flees back to the Temple. The scene when Anakin tells Master Mace Windu that Palpatine is Sidious is one of the best scenes in the novel. Its extremely more devastating than in the movie and has much better emotion. Instead of just walking up to Mace Windu and telling him that Palpatine is a Sith, Anakin falls against the door frame, telling Mace  that he need to speak to Obi-Wan. Reminding him that Obi-Wan is on Utapau, Mace asks whats wrong. Anakin shakes his head and mumbles incoherently. Then Mace literally has to wrap his arms around Anakin and assist him over to a chair while Anakin, in a state of shock, tells Mace Windu the terrible truth with nine words. "Palpatine is Sidious. The Chancellor is the Sith Lord." Stover is a Master at writing Mace Windu and conveys his reaction truthfully in such a way that it makes your stomach clench in fear, for we know how all this will end.
In part tree, titled "Apocalypse", we watch as four Jedi Masters board a ship, the rain pounding all around them, as they fly to fight the Sith who had the Republic in his clutches for more than a decade. Anakin, whom Mace Windu had stay behind, is struck with fear that the Jedi will kill the Chancellor so he rushes from the Temple to the Senate building. The fight between the Sith and the Jedi is amazingly written, you actually feel saddened and when the end of each Jedi comes you realize that the worst is yet to come.
Once Anakin runs in and sees Mace Windu and Palpatine locked in combat, bands of azure joining them together, the choice he makes will alter the fate of the galaxy. And when he makes his choice, he seals his life to the Sith. With the death of Mace Windu, Anakin finally falls into the trap and is anointed Darth Vader and as he rids himself of the name Anakin Skywalker he also destroys his inner self. What ensues is the most heart wrenching of all-Order 66. Clones turn on their Jedi Generals and Darth Vader, along with the 501'st legion, attacks the Jedi Temple, murdering even the younglings in cold blood. Obi-Wan, after defeating Greivous with a laser gun and fighting the remaining droid army, barely escapes Utapau with his life. The story grows darker and even serene Obi-Wan is emotionally damaged by the near annihilation of the whole entire Jedi Order. Reunited with Master Yoda, they travel with Senator Bail Organa back to Coruscant. And more heart break is in store for Obi-Wan when he arrives at the Jedi Temple and sees the dead bodies of all the Jedi-young and old alike-which renders him to tears.
But the worst soon comes when Obi-Wan watches a security holocam and sees Anakin killing the Jedi along with the Clone Troopers. Shuddering in horror at the sight of the man he loved as a brother murdering the Jedi- the only family he has ever known- he falls to the floor and begins to blame himself for the monster Anakin has become. Yoda brings him out of his grief and tells him that he and Obi-Wan must fight the two Sith Lords and restore peace to the tatters of the Republic. Obi-Wan begs to be sent to fight Sidious because he can't-and won't-kill Anakin.
Yoda tells him that he is not yet strong enough to challenge the dark power of Sidious and Obi-Wan realizes that he must even though it will shatter his heart and rip him to pieces. Heavyhearted, Obi-Wan goes to Padme's residence to ask if she knows where Anakin is. While there, he is forced to tell Padme about Anakin's turning to the dark side and his slaughter of the Jedi at the Temple. When she realizes that Obi-Wan is going to fight, and possibly kill, Anakin she grows faint and Obi-Wan has to catch her and lay her down on one of the couches in her seating room. She tells Obi-Wan to leave but before he leaves he sees that Padme is pregnant and asks if Anakin is the father. Gaining no reply he says "I'm so sorry," and quickly runs out of her residence. When Padme secretly leaves the planet to question Anakin, Obi-Wan stows aboard. They fly to the planet of Mustafar where Anakin has already killed the Separatist leaders on order of Darth Sidious.
Darth Vader, putting on his Anakin face and letting Anakin's love for Padme fill him,  goes out to meet the ship as it lands. While Padme and Anakin reunite, Obi-Wan exits the ship. Overcome with rage at the thought that Padme had betrayed him, he grabs her in a mighty Force-choke, while Obi-Wan yells at him to let her go. Once Padme is unconscious he lets her fall to the ground and screams at Obi-Wan, blaming him for everything. The duel that ensues between two men is one of the best moments in the film and the book.
I loved the way it switched back and forth between the two duels- the other being the fight between Sidious and Yoda. I also loved how Mr. Stover described the fights. The ones between the Masters of the Jedi and Sith Orders is a battle between good and evil itself, light vs. dark, winner take all while the duel between Obi-Wan and Anakin is described as a personal, grief-ridden struggle between two beings who love each other. In the end, Obi-Wan manages to best Vader and Vader tumbles onto the banks of a river of lava, with his remaining flesh limbs severed from his body. While Anakin screams his hate for Obi-Wan- his father, his brother, his best friend, Obi-Wan responds with the best line in literature or film-
"You were my brother Anakin, I loved you." Obi-Wan leaves Vader's fate to the Force and departs Mustafar to take Padme,  to a medical center. She gives birth to twins, whom she names Luke and Leia and dies soon after but not before giving Obi-Wan the japor snippet which Anakin had carved for her so many years ago. Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Senator Organa discuss their next move and decide to separate the twins until they are old enough to over throw the Galactic Empire and their father. Yoda goes into exile on Dagobah, Obi-Wan takes Luke to Tatooine to live with his aunt and uncle and lives nearby, to watch over him. Bail Organa adopts Leia into his family and he and his wife raise her as their own. Darth Sidious rescues his apprentice from the lava river and manages to heal him.
The part when Anakin wakes up in his suit might as well be the best scene in the entire book.
"This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker forever" it reads and we see how truly alone Anakin is now and how he must live with the consequences of his actions-towards Padme, towards Obi-Wan, towards the Jedi Order, and towards the Republic. The shadow is all he has left.
This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker..forever.
Luckily, the ending has a glimmer of hope, of good yet to come and even as the surviving Jedi weep, even as twilight descends on the Jedi and the republic and the galaxy is thrust into a dark infinite night, even though it appears all hope is lost Mr. Stover shows us that we still have hope that the galaxy will be set right.
Someday.

"The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins-but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars"

Thank you Mr. Lucas and Mr. Stover for your beautiful and tragic well-spun tale.
May the Force be with you.
May the Force be with the surviving Jedi
and May the Force be with us all.
Thank you,
Love can ignite the stars.