Actor, Writer, Jedi, Singer,

Actor, Writer, Jedi, Singer,
You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you
Showing posts with label The Force. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Force. Show all posts

Saturday, September 8, 2012

From the Holo-Diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice






981 ARR

School has been amazing lately. Well, not 'amazing' but you get my meaning. In the last two or so weeks since Kayla said she wanted to be friends with me, I've been feeling lighter than I have in such a long time. I've been doing better in school, top of my class in fact, and the shameful slashes of weakness on my arms are fading fast. Natalie and Ben, seeing that I wasn't insane as they'd thought, haven't said anymore about a 'psychologist' and for that I am glad. I don't want to unload my heart to anyone who isn't a Jedi. No one but a Jedi would understand and would be able to help me.
But enough of that, Kayla is my friend again! I don't think she's quite over her crush on me, but at least she hasn't said anything and for that I am thankful. I may be able to face an army of droids without feeling too much fear, but I don't have the courage to deal with someone liking me.
Santana, of course, as been all sulky and babyish as always, sending me what she thinks are dirty-looks but instead make her look like she's either over-acting on pouting or constipated.
Kayla, I'm happy to see, is no longer friends with Satana. I wish I knew what had happened to make her suddenly drop the girl she's been so obsessed with being all buddy-buddy with, but since she hasn't told me, I've decided not to push it. I just want to enjoy it while it lasts.
Besides Kayla's surprising renewal of friendship, I haven't had any problems with the bullies from the Empire. I'm not sure why, but everything seems to be going to well.
Of course, even though everything has been going so well, I haven't forgotten what Vader said to me.
That's why I've been bringing my pack of my past with me to school everyday. Just encase.
Well, I'm off to school. I'll see you after my training session tonight, diary.

The cell is cold.
I've been curled up in the corner for so long that I don't know if its the same day or if a night has passed. Maybe it doesn't even matter. At least they left everything with me. I tried to cut through the walls of the cell but I shouldn't have bothered; they were lightsaber resistant. Of course.
I was soaring too high and my wings were incinerated by the sun. Guess Jedi aren't supposed to be happy anymore. I can't believe it. How could this have happened. How-
I'm probably not making much sense, so I think I will start from the beginning.
I went to school like I did everyday, happy especially because Kayla was my friend again. Was that only this morning? Yesterday. Whatever. Well, anyway, when I got to school, everyone seemed to tense, even the teachers who never let anything but an annoying student faze them. I remember I could feel the intensity pulsing in the very air around the hallowed halls and stuffy classrooms. But I'd tried to ignore it, not wanting the strange sensation to ruin my good mood. I was a kriffed up idiot it turns out.
I should have followed my instincts and trusted that little warning voice inside me.
It happened at lunch. I'd sat down with my horrible has usual meal at the table I always sat and waited for Kayla, forcing the nasty soup down my throat. Nothing had seemed amiss, but I'd felt a flutter of foreboding in-between my ribs and insides, as if a winged insect was beating about inside me, trying to find a way out. I'd tried to dismiss it, but just as I managed to push it to the further-most parts of my brain, it surged back; such a deep tremor of warning in the Force I nearly fell from my floor.
The doors had swung open with a bang and a mass of Clones-I mean, stormtroopers, swarmed in, their feet thundering against the stone of the floor. I'd instinctively thrust my hand to my left hip, which was weaponless, before remembering that my lightsaber was in my bag. I hadn't pulled it out at first, instead just letting my palm rest against the soft cloth. Keeping my head down, I'd tried to look not involved but it didn't matter because I heard the lead stormtrooper shout loudly to us all words that froze my blood to sludge.
“Where is the Jedi? We have information that one is hiding in this school and we need to know who it is.” I had felt dread hit me so hard in the stomach that I almost gave myself away by gasping. I clenched my jaws shut to lock the rest of the gasp inside me as I fought the urge to bolt.
My first thoughts had immediately turned to Satana. She had done this. She'd somehow found out who I was and reported that there was a Jedi at the school. I remember wondering how she could have possibly figured it out. I hadn't let anything slip, had I?
Then was when I heard the horrible. I heard her say.
“I already told you who it was, you idiot. It's him.” The Clones had toward me then, guns raised. I somehow managed to push through the shock that had reduced my mind to gelatin and pull my lightsaber from my pack and ignite it, the blue blade a zigzag of vividness. I heard a crescendo of gasping from those all around me; so well synchronized that they could have been doing a performance.
“Surrender, Jedi.” I swallowed hard, looking around at all the teens sitting around me. I could fight, I could but someone would get hurt. Someone might even day. I deactivated the lightsaber, the thrumming, which had felt so assuring against my palms, vanishing completely. I dropped it into my pocket and made a run for it.
I had made it to the door before they hit me with a stun beam- powered down so that I was still conscious. But I hadn't been able to move. Two stormtroopers had hefted me to my feet, my arms hanging limply against their shoulders as they dragged me to the door.
And there she stood, red hair fanning out around her shoulders, a hard look on her face, her tears wet with angry tears. I had felt tears sting my own eyes. I had known it was her when she'd spoken but up until that moment when I saw her there, I hadn't wanted to believe.
Kayla...WHY???? I'd tried to speak, tried to whisper that to her, but I even though I could speak through the stupor my body was in, I just couldn't force the words out. Instead, I am ashamed to say, I said
“Kayla, please. What did I do?” Her face twisted and she spat in my face.
“You....you want to know what you did?” She flashed a look at the troopers who dragged me to the hallway entrance and tossed me into an undignified heap on the ground. Kayla had leaned down over me, the strands of her scarlet hair touching my face, and her right hand jammed into my chest, grabbing onto my stiff shirt with a vicious strength.
“You chose Satana over me, didn't you? You were with her at that party, weren't you?” Before I could answer, she shoved her fist against my lips.
“Wait, don't even answer that. I know what you did. Satana told me all about it. She told me that the best way to get revenge was to find something out about you. I didn't want to do it at first but I finally decided to. So I called you and when you weren't looking, I read your diary.” I'd felt an audible gasp escape me, pain a ever-growing stone at the pit of my stomach.
“Not all of it of course. Just enough to know who you are.” Her fist pressed harder against mouth and after that, I'd felt her other hand dig hard into my stomach.
“And you know what?” She had leaned even closer then and her voice had fell to a feathery hiss.
“I used to like the Jedi. I had felt bad for them when they were all slaughtered. But now I see they are just as the HoloNet said. Hypocrites. Pathetic hypocrites. I'm glad they were killed.” Her hands fell away suddenly and she was coming straight towards me. Realizing what was about to happen, I turned my face away and her lips fell against my cheekbone. When I had turned my face back to her, I saw that her eyes were red and clotted with tears. Tears of hurt and rage and such warped emotions that I finally understood what she'd meant.
“No, No, Kayla, I didn't. I swear. You don't have to do this.”
“Shut Up!” She'd screamed and her hand had slapped me so hard, that if I hadn't used the Force, my head would have slammed into the floor.
“That is quite enough, ma'am,” one of the troopers said, pulling her back. She'd fought to free herself from his grip but to no avail. She looked me straight in the eye and suddenly I didn't see a young girl. I saw someone older than I. Too old to be in school. I don't know who she was but she wasn't a student. Not in the least. How had she done that?
“You've been duped, you damn Jedi, and I hope you rot.” The troopers had lifted me up again and had set off with me towards the school's docking bay and all I could do was cry.
They brought me here on a ship. I'm not sure, but I think I heard something about the Imperial Academy.
I know I should be working on a solution to getting out. I know I should be planning my escape, meditating, practicing, doing SOMETHING.
But all I can do is stare at the wall.
The cell is cold.
And I no longer care.

Aran Liander 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice




(sorry this is so short- it's kind of a bridge between larger events you could say.)

981 ARR

I am ashamed. I can't let what happened yesterday happen ever again.
When I got back home, Natalie and Ben freaked out over the slashes on my forearms; I'd tried to hide them behind my sleeve but part of it had shown and they'd demanded that I show them and when they'd seen my arms they'd began screaming and yelling at me like I was some crazy lunatic. Maybe I was.
Never again, however. I will NOT slip into such desperation again. I am a Jedi and we do not allow ourselves to let desperation drown us. I'm not sure how my resolve came back to me but I'm guessing that it might have had something to do with two things: hearing my name spoken aloud once again and actually doing something to Vader. I HAD knocked him back- not as much as he'd done to me, but still enough to know that it had surprised him.
I redoubled my efforts earlier this night at my training grounds; I'm not up to where I once was but I think I'm getting closer. I'm not as tired or as sore and I can do more and stretch further than I have in a long time. I'm very glad I decided to be training again since I think it's one of the few things keeping hope a kindled fire in my chest.
Natalie and Ben made me stay home from school today and I stayed in my room except for meal times and when I snuck out to train. From my door, ear pressed to the metal, using the Force to hone my senses, I could hear them whispering. About me. They kept talking about 'A psychologist' and 'mental problems'. I know that can't be good. Did they regret taking me in? I think so. I mean, who wants to take care of a wretched Jedi child anyway?
No, no, I'm not a Jedi child and I don't think I was even before Order 66- I lost my childhood the day the war started and I haven't looked back since. Wait, I hear something. I'll be right back.

Words can't express how happy I am! Kayla called on my com-unit and said she wanted to be friends again and that she is sorry. I then told her that, no, I am sorry, and that I'll see her tomorrow.
I haven't been this happy since before that dark day, maybe even before the Clone Wars. Kayla wants to be my friend again. I'll have at least one friend in this life. Should I tell her who I am? Can I trust her to keep my secret? No, no I cannot do that. I would only endanger her. I already have the worry that I'll be pressed into military service at the Academy and I definitely don't want that.
When I remember what Darth Vader said to be yesterday, I feel a cold chill zigzag up my spine; he said that we would meet again. He had said his Master, that despicable, evil emperor, had plans. What they were and why they included me I don't yet know. I'll have to be even more careful now; two Sith Lords want me for something and I know that it won't be good, whatever it is.
Great, now my good feelings are going away and that dread and shame is settling back in. I really don't want this, I really don't. But I will take it. I am a Jedi and I will take it.
We aren't the villains the public sees us as; we will still protect you galaxy, I will protect you, even if you all hate me and cry out for my blood. I will protect you as best I can because...because it is the right thing to do.
Good night now, dear diary. Tomorrow, go back to school where I know I will at least have one friend.

Aran Liander 

Monday, July 16, 2012

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice


981 ARR

What in the nine Corellian hells am I going to do? I have to leave for school in ten minutes and Darth Vader will see me and kill me without a second thought. I'm going to die today. I know I will. I saw it in my dream last night after I'd managed to fall asleep after tossing and turning for unbearable hours. In my dream Vader had descended from his ship and came towards me, raising his right arm and clenching his hand into a fist. Through the Force, I'd felt as if two tree trunks were being pushed against my neck. Vader- Anakin -had stared at me with that blank face until my vision had been ripped to red fractures before turning black, a million voices screaming of indescribable terror in my mind as I fell forever....
He'd killed me like he hadn't before. Why had he spared me the last time? Why?
I had awoken screaming, so hot, so scared. Natalie hadn't come in this time and I'd lain there shaking and crying.
I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm sorry Master, I'm so sorry. I failed you.

* * * * *

I'm at school, waiting for Vader's ship to arrive. I'd brought my holo-diary and lightsaber with me. If I was going to die I wanted my only friends left in the galaxy with me.
I know it's cowardly, but I don't want to die. Especially not by the Sith Lord who slaughtered everyone in the Temple. Maybe I can fight him...? No, no that would be futile, he's older, stronger, and more powerful than I'll ever be. I don't stand a chance. I'm going to die.
I wanted to apologize to Kayla for whatever I did to her but she completely ignored my stumbling efforts. I broke into her locker and put a single flower inside, along with a note. I want her to know I will always be her friend and I'm sorry that I hurt her or gave her the wrong idea. Now I'm going to die alone and friendless. I see something long and metallic nearby. Maybe....

I hate myself. I'm covered in blood and my arms are stinging. Why the HELL did I do that? Where did that rage come from? I'm scared. I'm so, so scared. Master, please come help me. I need you.
I went to the bathroom to wash the blood off my arm, but my skin still hurts. How could I have done such a thing? Who am I anymore? Am I going crazy?
The water running out from the faucets is soothing; maybe I'll just stay in here. They won't find me, Vader won't find me, Natalie, Ben, Kayla, and Satana won't find me. I'll be alone like I should be.
I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense. Get your act together, Aran, you can't keep doing this. You have the Jedi Order to uphold.
But I'm not doing a very good job of it, am I?

* * * * * *

So much has happened in the last hour and I'm going to try and write it all down.
I had went back stood where the headmaster had told me to stand, and looked up into the sky, waiting for Vader's ship When I'd seen its black, sleek form appear as a dot in the sapphire heavens, I'd felt myself start shaking all over again as spider-webbed hands of the darkside began stroking the insides of my skull, causing nausea to nearly overcome me. As the ship landed before me, I felt wave after wave of the darkside buffet me and I nearly collapsed to my knees. How could I stand against such evil? Somehow, perhaps from that strong, Jedi boy I'd once been, I stood tall, face squarely facing the ship as the ramp lowered and Vader strode down it. His cape had swished around his booted feet as he approached me and I readied myself for the invertible, waiting for his hand to lift and clench, waiting for my life to me finally be jerked from my grasp. In a vain effort, that stronger, Jedi part of me again, I thrust up metal shields, blocking my Force presence, but I'd known it was no use. Vader would recognize me, I'd known it.
I'd been so surprised when instead of feeling my lungs being reduced to shriveled paper, I'd heard Vader speak in his deep bass tones.
“Well..” I'd opened my eyes, suddenly realizing I'd had them squeezed shut. Elation had flooded me, momentarily blocking the sheer pain in both my cut forearms. He didn't...recognize me?
I bowed hastily, apologizing to the entire Order over and over in my head.
“Yes, Lord Vader, right this way.” My mouth had been dry as I'd spoken those words. I'd begun walking, constantly conscious of him a hairbreadth away from my throat. I remembered how I'd suffocated in my dream last night and kept waiting and waiting for it, but that throttle through the Force never came.
“You have the Force,” Vader suddenly said and I felt myself go tight and stone-hard.
“Y-yes. Yes M-...Lord Vader.” We had continued walking in silence for some time, before he spoke again.
“Have you ever thought of joining the Imperial Academy? We have needs of the likes of you in our ranks.”
“Yes, Lord Vader,” I had said again, using all my Jedi training to hold back my trembling.
Just as we reached the Headmaster's office, he turned and faced me. I had froze, my gaze immediately dropping to his gloved, mechanical hands which hung by his sides.
“It's been a long time hasn't it...Aran Liander.” I really had frozen that time at those words.
I hadn't heard my name spoken in such a long time and hearing from this man, no this monster, was almost more than I could take. I hadn't said a word, just stared at Anakin, my heart bursting in my chest.
“Why---? Why...why didn't you kill me?” Vader turned and partially paced away from me.
“You weren't a threat,” he sneered, his voice chilling my skin with silky, cruel voice. My arms stung even more and I felt hot shame pour through me.
“But I couldn't let all die, now could I? My Master has plans, big plans, and we need as many of us as we possible can.” I could hear the cruel smirk on his face through his mask.
“What—what plans?” Vader suddenly was standing just inches from me, his life support systems nearly touching my face. His gloved hand had shot out and grabbed onto my throat, his muscles taut and strong against my neck, fingers pushing deep into my flesh. I'd stared deep into the empty eye globes in his mask, agony from the memory of his brutal murder of my Master pulsing rawly in my mind.
“I'd kill you now. I could you know, squash you like a little big, watch the life leak out of you. Your powers are weak and your resolve weaker.” I felt the gloved fingers of his other hand touching the spot on my hair where my braid had once been.
“I see your a Knight now. Pitiful. The Jedi must be running out of Jedi.” I don't know exactly what happened, but I'd felt hate howl around me and I'd screamed. And suddenly I had been sprawled several feet away, on my back, severely drained. I heard slow, steady footfalls approach me and as I blinked, I saw the imposing black form of Vader swim into view.
“I'd kill you now. I would have killed you with your Master and the rest of your brethren, but my Master wants at least a few left. He wants...” he abruptly had stopped talking and strode off, but not before whispering.
“We will meet again, and next time I might not be so obedient.”

Aran Liander

Saturday, July 7, 2012

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice





981 ARR

I have some good news, some bad news, and some really bad news. My Master always said to stay positive that is what I will do, even if it is so very hard.
The good news is that I've been getting through my basic exercises faster and without as much exhaustion each night. I've even begun to practice Force jumps, pushes, and pulls. I've careful, of course, but each each time I go(which is about twice a week) I feel more and more like a Jedi again. If only that feeling would last when I go to school.
The first of the bad news is that I got into trouble at school today, which was something I swore I wouldn't let happen.
I had been standing in the mens' bathroom, washing my hands at the sink, when I heard voices coming through the door from out in the hallway. They sounded mean and felt something wrong emmanating from them. Closing my eyes, I used the Force to weave through the sound of running water and air traffic outside to get a sense of what these people were saying. Then I felt a warning rush towards through the Force and I spun around, hands lifted, just in time to see the three of the Imperial Youth Instructors come in, the leader charging at me.
“I'm gonna kill you, you damn little whelp!” I nearly used the Force to shove him back, but I flinched and instead punched my fists out before me, slamming them into his compact chest. He stumbled backward, his ankles tangling so that he crashed to the floor in an undignified sprawl.
The other two thugs with him spread out on either side, flanking me. I steadied my breathing, standing as still as I could, arms loose at my sides. When I heard their feet zipping towards me, I leaped forward, spinning out of their charge, just when they slammed into each other, dirty curses ringing in the air around me. I swung around, fists raised, as I watched the three stand, all clutching at some part of their body, wincing in pain.
“I don't want to fight you. Now, stand down,” I said, putting as much emphasis on these words, a feeling of dread welling up in me as I remembered that stupid party where I helped that ungrateful Satana. I had knocked the leader out that night and now he wanted revenge. I wanted to beat myself over the head at forgetting about that important information; I had been too caught up in my sadness of loosing Kayla's friendship and still simmering with anger over Satana's lies, I had forgotten.
Now I faced the wild pack of angry gundark-like bullies, their huge faces puffy and flushed scarlet with rage and pain.
“You damn little punk. Who do you think you are, picking fights with us?” the leader growled, cracking his meaty fists against each other.
“The only ones picking a fight, are the three of you,” I answered bitingly, drawing in breath through my nose and exhaling it back out through my mouth. The leader roared with rage and charged me again and suddenly I felt as if I were in the flaming Jedi Temple, Anakin looming towards me, my body frozen beneath his stony cruelty. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I let loose a scream, the sound ripping from my chest, and sprang into the air, spinning into a 360 crescent kick, which I slammed into the boy's face. He thudded to the ground, eyes shut, an ugly bruise beginning to clot the right side of his face. The other two stood staring at me, mouths agape, and eyes wide.
“TROOPERS! TROOPERS!! COME NOW!!!” The bigger of the two yelled into his comlink.
I tried to move, to open my mouth to protest or move to intercept the boy's comlink, or even to run. But I couldn't. Blood-red smog seemed to have filled the room and I couldn't see straight. It was just like the nightmares I'd had right after Order 66. Blood was everywhere, running down the walls, clouding in the air, chocking me to death in my mouth. I was shaking; I tried to stop myself but as I said, I couldn't move, my muscles and bones turning to stone beneath my skin.
I looked down through the blood-clotted air to the crumpled form of the boy on the floor and I suddenly felt as if all the air had been knocked out me. I swayed and crashed into one of the sinks, the hard, marble edge jamming deep into my stomach before sucker-punching me in the forehead. I nearly blinked out, the cold tile underneath me reminding me of those cold nights of hiding from Imperials. The shaking got even worse and I felt myself chocking, my eyes raw. My hearing seemed to echo around me and as I somehow managed to thrust myself to my feet, I heard the sound of the pounding footfalls of Clone-I mean, Stormtroopers coming. The door was jerked violently open and five troopers came in, guns raised. A felt another scream bubbling up my throat but I clamped my jaws shut. I couldn't scream or I'd be done for.
“What happened here, sir?” the leader of the troopers said to the biggest of the conscious boys while another trooper stooped by the unconscious one still lying heavily on the floor.
“He-he fought us sir. I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen. He-” he made a face that I supposed was meant to look embarrassed and mumbled.
“He blasphemed the Emperor.” The stormtrooper turned his blank, helmeted face towards me. I wanted to protest, to shout that he lied, but I couldn't summon the resolve to. Looking back, I am horrified at how despondent I had been feeling right then. It wasn't befitting a Jedi or me.
“Come with me,” the trooper said evenly in his iron voice, and took my arm. I didn't even try to remove my arm from his grip, instead just following him passively out the door. The waves of crimson still swayed before my vision, the scream a bubble in my chest, ready to pop at a moments notice. I inhaled and exhaled through my nose as I shuffled along, wishing with all my heart to just drop through the floor and loose myself for a time. The agony that I had managed to stave off for so long had come back and I didn't know how I would ever be able to force it back again.
Suddenly, I had found myself in front of the headmaster's office.
“Enter,” the trooper told me tersely and I obeyed, pushing the door open and walking in. Why I did, I still don't understand. Maybe I hoped a punishment would be able to numb the bleeding mess my pain had caused inside of me. The headmaster stared down at me, his brows pinched in disapproval.
“Please sit, Mr. Shyn.” I had dropped into the chair, staring blankly ahead, as the headmaster rambled and shouted about how my behavior was unacceptablle and how if I broke one more rule I would be thrown out and blah, blah, blah. I didn't really pay him much attention turning his tirade. What did it matter? My family what dead and I was forever going to be alone and nobody cared. Not one person in this kriffing galaxy.
This is where the really bad news comes in. I had been fighting back tears, when I heard a voice spoken my the headmaster.
“Vader.” I snapped back to reality, the shaking stopping and the blushed smears vanishing from the air.
“What was that, sir?” I asked, trying to keep the alarm out of my voice.
“I said, Mr. Shyn, that Lord Vader will be coming tomorrow and I don't have the time to deal with the likes of you picking fights with out esteemed Imperial Youth Instructors.” He looked down at a paper before him.
“Now for your punishment, you will have to lead Lord Vader from his ship to my office where he will speak with me.” A smile, a wicked smile, spread across his face.
“How does that sound, Rune?” I barely heard him over the sound of my beating heart.
Vader? Vader was coming?
Now that would be bad enough, but you see, Vader is also Anakin Skywalker. Anakin who killed my Master, Anakin who nearly killed me but didn't. He would recognize me and I'd be dead.
Now as I sit here in my room, writing this entry, I know I have to do something. I can't let him see me. But what can I do? I'm not even a proper Jedi Knight. I'm just a kid who's braid was cut way to soon.
I have to do something. But what?

Aran Liander

Saturday, June 30, 2012

From the Holo-diary of Aran Liander: Jedi Apprentice



981 ARR

Last night I snuck out of the house, lightsaber hidden beneath my loose sleep-shirt. I didn't know what I'd do if stopped by stormtroopers; hopefully I could have just used the Force on them and went on my own merry way before they realized that they'd been duped. Luckily, I needn't have worried since I made it to the empty storage building without any Imperial-related incident.
The largest storage room in the building is mostly empty except for a few piles of boxes shoved against one wall. Dust clogged the air, though, and I wished I could have found a better place to practice. I forced away my whining thoughts- at least I had a place to practice.
First, I went through my stretches- doing things like both kinds of splits, leg stretches and exercises; then, I did 500 push-ups and 500 sit-ups. I was out of breath when I finished which greatly disappointed me, I used to be able to do that many no sweat not that long ago. However, I was glad that I was still able to do all of them; If I had caved in from exhaustion at, say, 100 I'd have been mortified at myself.
Then I took my lightsaber out from underneath my shirt. I nearly cried as I held it, the feel of the hilt against my hand so familiar, so comforting, I more a moment felt the sense of my Master's hand on my shoulder, the swish of a Jedi's cloak as they walked passed me in the hallways in the Jedi Temple. When I'd pulled it from the bag under my bed, I was glad to see that it hadn't collected as much dust as I'd feared it would. I guess the bag protected it for the most part.
I'd ignited the lightsaber, the blue luminescence hovering in beautiful, thrumming waves in the shadowy gloom. I started to weep in earnest when I saw the blade glowing before me. Stupid Empire. Stupid Sith. Why did you kill them all? How could you?
I started going through my basic Shii Cho exercises, beginning slowly but soon moving more and more vigorously. My body felt a little stiff, my movements not as fluid as they should have been, but I was thankful that I hadn't forgot anything. Every-time a I heard an imperial vehicle pass by the window, I'd feel panic enter my chest, worrying that someone had seen my lightsaber blade and had reported me to the authorities. But they always passed me by and I was able to finish my Shii Cho forms without a horde of stormtroopers bursting through the doors, ordering me to come with them.
When I finished, I'd tenderly deactivated my lightsaber, placing it sadly back under my shirt. I was exhausted but as I stood there, looking up at one of Coruscant's moons through the window, I felt elated for the first time in months....maybe even years. I don't really know.
“I love you Master,” I whispered to the moon as I turned and left, promising myself that I would return as soon as possible.

Sadly, school has been so much worse than I had ever thought possible. I hadn't realized how much Kayla's friendship had meant to me over the last few months. I had been lonely for so long and I'd come to enjoy our friendship and time spent together. When I'd been with her, my longing for my old life and friends and pain would lessen and I could be myself...well, almost myself.
Ever since that stupid party, Kayla has been avoiding me. When I came to the class we sat together at today, it had gotten worse; I saw she'd moved to sit next to Satana. At lunch it was the same thing; however, that time, as I walked passed she cast me a withering glance before turning to Satana who began to giggle with her about something. I'd felt about ready to cry again, so I hurried away and sat down at an empty table with my soggy sandwich, runny soup, and overly-sweet cookie.
Was she angry at me for leaving so abruptly at the party? Or had Satana told her a warped version of what had happened between us?(Oh my Force, I cannot believe I just wrote that).
I'm guessing it's a bit of both. When I walked passed the table to depose of my tray and plate, I saw Satana give me a smug, cruel smirk. She mouths “I'll get you” and waves her hand in a strange, fluttery way. That was when I realized she wanted revenge on me for turning her down at the party.
Why did she have to be so vindictive? I helped her, for stars sakes! You know, she really reminds me of that dark Acolyte, Asajj Ventress who fought for the Separatists during the Clone Wars, who killed my beloved friend, Lint. Looking at Kayla's stormy face, I realize again why Jedi don't let attachments rule their lives, especially the romance kind. It just makes things difficult and complicated which we Jedi don't need since our lives are confusing enough as it is. Of course, we sometimes fall for people, but we always put it aside. Well, except for Anakin Skywalker, that kriffing traitor.
Sorry for the language.
Now that Kayla is no longer my friend, all I have for a friend is this holo-diary. I remember back when I first started writing in here, I wondered why my Master wanted me to have it. Now I understand and I am so thankful it makes my chest hurt. If he hadn't given it to me, I'd be friendless.
I'd be completely and utterly alone.

Aran Liander

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

My Choice: A Star Wars Fanfiction


Here is a fanfiction that takes place during Return of the Jedi. This is my first foray into writing from Anakin's perspective so I hope I did alright. I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy it :)

I do not own Star Wars. All material belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm. Dialogue is taken from Return of the Jedi.

My Choice: A Star Wars Fanfiction

'I am empty and the darkness if my friend.' A phrase repeated so many times that it has become true.

I look over at Luke as the door to the elevator opens. His face is calm; passive even, and his stands firm, like those foolish Jedi.

'I feel the conflict within you, let go of your hate!' The words Luke had spoken to me echo in my mind, entering the emptiness like a cry for help; like a child's cry for help. Something stirs in me, an emotion so long unfelt at first I cannot identify it. Then it hits me; pity. I close my eyes, the burned, chaffed lids sliding painfully over my weak, damaged eyes.

'Emptiness, darkness, That's all I need. That's all I am.'

We stride out, side-by-side and approach the throne of my Master, The Emperor, Darth Sidious.

For a moment a memory assails me, so faint and indistinct I can hardly say it was mine. Obi-Wan and I, approaching Palpatine in a similar chair; only then he was manacled to it. A part of a plan of his own design.

Now he sits in his throne in all of his decrepit glory. His dream realized.

We come to a stop. I reach out to Luke, trying to sense what he's feeling but they're so gnarled, twisted, and hard, that I can't decipher them. My Master turns slowly around, his sick, wrinkled face partially hidden by a hood. I hated that face, but I also loved it. He was all I had left in the galaxy and that had to amount to something.

"Welcome, young Skywalker. I have been expecting you." he says in his thin, raspy voice, his yellow eyes boring into Luke with interest. Something twists in my stomach; fear. I bit the ruined flesh of my lips, forcing the fear out of the hollow caverns inside me. Sidious would not betray me...right? I breathed in. Of course not. he would betray me. The Sith didn't work that way; they didn't show mercy. We were alone in the galaxy. Which is how it should be. If you cared for no one, then you could never be hurt. Never.

"You no longer need those," Palpatine says after a brief pause, referring to the manacles around Luke's wrists. They open and fall off, clattering to the floor.

'Just like I did on the invisible hand.' I think then, with a rush of fury.

'No that wasn't you, that was Anakin. That was back when you were weak and you loved. Now you are strong. Anakin is gone, you , Darth Vader, killed him long ago.'

"Guards, leave us," Palpatine says, his acidic gaze leaving Luke for a moment and turning to the scarlet-robed Imperial Guards. I listen as they leave, their feet nearly silent on the floor. Then he looks back at Luke and a sinking suspicion enters the void, trickling like the sand I've always hated so much.

"I am looking forward to completing your training." Anger pulses. 'So Sidious, you are going to betray me? Well, I won't have it. I'll always be your apprentice; till the day you die. You're stuck with me.'

"In time you will call me...Master," Palpatine, or Sidious's, voice is quiet; his presence commanding like it had been for me, back when I was called Anakin Skywalker and had been a fool, thinking I was doing good. I had fought for a republic rotten to its core.

'Master.' That words makes me remember things I hadn't thought of in years.

'-Master, I'm scared.- -Its okay, Anakin, I'm here. I will always be here-' My Master, my old one. His voice floats into my head, like a feather in the wind. I remember his hands on my shoulder, his smile, his embrace into which I sometimes sobbed my heart out. And I remember him walking away. Something erupts inside my chest, rage bubbling up like the lava fields of Mustafar. Some Master, he left me to burn.

"You're gravely mistaken," I hear Luke answer softly. I look at him. He stands calmly, hands before him, face emotionless, just like Obi-Wan did before every enemy I ever saw him face.

'Except for you,' A voice inside me whispers. I stamp the voice into the ground.

"You won't convert me as you did my father," he continues, his voice still that chilly, steel-ringing calm.

'Converted? I wasn't converted, I chose this! It was MY choice.'

"Oh no," Palpatine says in that deathly calm taunt I've come to recognize over the years, as he stands.

"my young Jedi." He walks towards Luke slowly, like a phantom rising from the nether-gloom in some horror legend.

"You will find that is is you who are mistaken. About a great many things." His voice is chilling and I understand what he wants. He wants us to fight; to see who comes out on top. He leers over Luke, a sick smile on his disgusting face.

"His lightsaber," I say, handing it to Palpatine. At least if he had it, it would give me a chance because Luke would have to take it.

"Yes. A Jedi's weapon. Much like your father's."

'Like mine. Like my old one. No! No- ANAKIN'S old one. I am Anakin no longer.'

"By you must know your father can never be turned from the darkside. So will it be with you."

'No, I'll never leave the darkside. Its given me strength and protection from the love and pain in the world.'

"You're wrong." The words Luke says surprise me.

'Someone thinks I can turn from the dark?'

This hasn't happened since Mustafar with Padme who pleaded, Padme who I force-choked.

'She was an unfaithful wench and you know it!' I tell myself, hardening my resolve, pushing the dust of doubt from my emptiness.

"Soon I'll be dead and you with me." Brave words, I'll admit, but also foolish. Did Luke really think he stood a chance against Palpatine? No one did. Not even me. He knew all, saw all, did all. Nothing could escape his notice. He could kill the both of us without lifting a finger.

Palpatine laughs then, a dry, low cackle.

"Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your rebel fleet." I feel something from Luke now; doubt, anxiety...fear.

"Yes," Palpatine continues, his words as slick as oil,

"I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here." His face crumples in disgust as he speaks the last words and he turns and walks slowly away.

"You're overconfidence is your weakness," Luke says, sounding like a Jedi...like Obi-Wan. Palpatine spins around, Luke's lightsaber held lightly between his pallid, decrepit hands.

"Your faith in your friends is yours." Luke really is a fool. He is not a Jedi yet and even a full trained Jedi couldn't take Palpatine. Yoda even couldn't.

"It is pointless to resist, my son," I say, knowing it is. Palpatine always gets his way, one way or another. But something inside me speaks, in the small, scared voice of a boy.

'Maybe,' I think 'Maybe we can both take him.'

But

'No! No, Palpatine will not have it. I must stay his apprentice because, what will I do without him?' He has become to me like blood and oxygen; I need him to survive.

Palpatine takes his seat, looking directly at Luke again and whatever remained inside my scorched, empty chest crumples. I know who he prefers.

"Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends up there on the sanctuary moon are walking into a trap, as is your rebel fleet."

I sense panic seize Luke's heart, feel him tremble slightly at my side.

"It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them."

Then his voice changes into that frail, mocking tone he uses to belittle you, to insult you into rage. He has done it to me many times...more than I can count.

"Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive."

Grief stabs Luke then, a tsunami of emotion that crashes down around him, splashing me with its sheer rawness.

"Come boy, see for yourself," I see him turn to the window and watch as a battle ensues. I feel his anger mounting, growing larger and larger as his fear begins to corrode his mind, corrupting it, leaving room for the darkside to take root. I walk over to join my Master, standing by his side like I have for years. Just the two of us.

'Without me, you're nothing.' He had said this to me many times and I believed it. What was I without him? A cyborg, like General Grievous? A husk, an empty void?

"From here you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion." Luke turns to him in horror and I see he understands what Palpatine has done. Then he looks down at his lightsaber, lying still beneath his old, withered hand.

'Should I give it to him? He is my son, after all.'

The emptiness is filling me now, so fast I can't force it away; and its pain, red-hot and stinging. But where the pain is coming from I cannot yet tell. I force a dam between me and it, trying to staunch it. I can't let weakness in. Not now.

"You want this, don't you?" Palpatine asks, patting Luke's lighsaber softly.

"The hate is swelling in you. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger!" Luke turns away sharply and I am besieged by yet another memory. Of me-no, Anakin- finding out Palpatine was the Sith Lord and him telling me in that tone of voice about my anger and hate and how I should use it. And I remember when he told me to kill Dooku.

'No, not you, Anakin. You are not Anakin. Anakin is gone.'

"With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant."

'Servant. So that's all I've ever been to you. A pawn in your plans. I've always known. But I'm nothing without you, right?'

I see the struggle in Luke, see his shoulders shudder, see him draw in a ragged breath.

He turns.

"No."

'You can't resist, Luke. He will get you in the end. He always does. Its no use.'

"It is unavoidable. It is your destiny."

'As it was mine? Or is it yours, Master?'

"You, like your father, are now...mine."

A sickening rush enters me along with the pain, breaking through my wall, a deep poison of rage, deeper and darker then anything I've felt since Mustafar.

"As you can see, my young apprentice your friends have failed." Luke turns to look at him once more. And another feeling corrodes into me.

'Young apprentice?'

I was once his young apprentice.

"Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station!" He turns to the arm rest on his throne and speaks into his comlink.

"Fire at will, commander!" We continue to watch the battle and see as the Death Star shoots a blast into the fleet. I feel a deep shudder run through Luke, a strong, unsteady tremor coming to me through the Force.

"Your fleet is lost. And your friends on the Endor moon will not survive. There is no escape, my young apprentice. The Alliance will die. As will your friends."

Luke is resisting, his chest and shoulders jerking as he turns away for a moment, his gaze raking the scene before him in desperation. Then he looks back and his eyes rest on the lightsaber once more.

'Take it.' The words come unbidden to my mind and I realize something...something is shaking in my brain, something long dormant and the scorched remains of my heart crackle with dread.

"Good," Palatine whispers, his eyes closing wistfully.

"I can feel your anger." Then his tone changes, to that seductive tremor of voice that had captivated me to the darkside.

"I am defenseless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the darkside will be complete." Luke turns jerkily to the window, his emotions reeling; confusion, rage, and fear become a tornado of feeling inside of him, ripping into a tempest, spreading through the room like a real storm. For a moment I think he won't do it, then he swings around, calls the lightsaber to his hand, and ignites the vivid green blade.

Out of instinct born from my transformation into Darth Vader, for protecting the man I had stood beside, who I had killed Jedi for, who I had killed Mace Windu for; I blocked the blow with my own blade. And Palpatine began to laugh. He had planned this from the start.

And so, our duel began.

'Father against son,"

Then as I look at Luke an image of...her appears to me.

'Padme...' My beautiful Padme. He was so much like her in some ways. Sometimes...I missed her- missed her so much the charred bits in my chest lightly stung. And the dormant...thing inside me would stir in its slumber.

Then, I feel his foot connect with my body and I tumble back down the stairs.

'How was he able to do that?'

I look up at him, standing tall and victorious, like a conqueror and suddenly I hear Anakin's voice speak in my mind, screaming from the bars of his prison in which I had locked him away.

'No my son, don't!'

"Good," I hear Palpatine say, and a flash, my battle with Dooku filled my mind. Of me taking Dooku's place at Palpatine's side.

"Use your aggressive feelings boy. Let the hate flow through you." I stand, feeling shaken, the rattle of Anakin against his prison echoing in my head.

'No, my son, no! Don't do as I did!'

'Get back, weakling!' Darth Vader, me, hisses, as Palpatine begins to laugh. Luke deactivates his lightsaber suddenly as I walk towards him. Anakin still screams at me but since I am stronger, I am able to place a gloved hand against his mouth.

"Obi-Wan has taught you well."

Suddenly, I see tears in Luke's eyes.

"I will not fight you, father," his says, an edge in his voice.

'Father.' The word resounds in my mind, creating a solid mass in the cavern that is my chest.

I feel Anakin's fingers creeping from their prison, pushing through the bars as if they were jelly.

'My son, oh my son.'

Then a shudder runs through me, anger smashing into me like a tidal wave.

'Get back you foolish, weak, pathetic, child!'

I will kill Anakin by killing his son. Luke has awoken Anakin and he shall pay for bringing my pain back. I walk up the stairs towards him until I have come to face him. He stares at me, his face intense with emotion.

"You are unwise to lower your defense!" I roar, striking out with all my fury at him. He ignites his lightsaber and blocks the blows. Suddenly he leaps onto a ramp overhead, reminding me of Obi-Wan standing above me on the lava bank just before I foolishly jumped at him.

'Luke!' Anakin screams, his voice sobbing, his hands grappling with me, Vader, his fingers crushing me and I hesitate.

'I can't kill my own son!' Anakin shouts in desperation, his fists flailing against the bars that hold his soul forever entrapped.

"Your thoughts betray you father, I feel the good in you. The conflict."

Fury rages in me now, slamming Anakin into the back of his cell, Vader rising up, rage pouring.

"There is no conflict," I say in disgust.

'I have to kill him. I have to kill him so Anakin can't come back.'

"You couldn't bring yourself to kill me before and I don't believe you will destroy me now."

'I won't Luke, I won't!' Anakin whispers, his voice a razor against my mind.

"You underestimate the power of the darkside," I tell him just as another similar sentence echoes in my mind.

'You underestimate my power!'

"If you will not fight then you will meet your destiny!" And I do what I should have done on Mustafar. I throw my lightsaber at him. He dodges but my spinning blade cuts into the supports and half the ramp collapses. Luke tumbles away and out of sight and I go looking for him, a feeling of victory beginning its growth in me. Then I hear Palpatine murmuring.

"Good, good.." I ignite my lightsaber, searching for Luke who I know is hiding down there.

I want to find him but I want a confrontation, a real one, no more of this piddling around, telling me he doesn't want to fight. Anakin must stay locked away or better yet, killed so that Darth Vader can flourish without a conscience. I walk quietly under the rest of the ramps, searching the shadows with my burning, lava-red blade.

"You cannot hide forever, Luke," I say, casting my gaze around for him.

'Come out and fight me! So I can end you and Anakin once and for all.'

"I will not fight you!" his tone is low but with an edge, a defiance; just like the pitiful Jedi refusing to let the darkness into themselves.

"Give yourself to the darkside," I say, then a thought strikes me. I shall do what Palpatine did to me; I will manipulate him. I can feel with a shudder Anakin's fists railing against his prison, the clattering growing louder, the bars around him growing weaker.

"It is the only way you can save your friends." Which was true, the darkside did save everyone. It would have saved Padme is only she had followed me, if only she hadn't betrayed my love for another, for someone else. For Obi-Wan. Worry explodes from Luke, shuddering and shaking like a person dying out in the cold. I can even see faces, names; I know who they are and I know how much they mean to him. They are his everything.

'Like mom, like Obi-Wan, like Padme, like Ahsoka...'

I hear Anakin whisper into my mind, his arms reaching out as he begins to push himself out.

I had to hurry and kill the both of them or Anakin would return and I would be once again strangled by grief.

"Yes...your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong, especially for..."

An image, burning bright as a firework, appears before me. The young Princess who helped steal the plans for the Death Star. Then a startling truth. His sister. My-no, not mine, Anakin's- daughter.

'Padme had more than one child?'

"Sister...So you have a twin sister?" Luke's panic spasms out in controlled bursts and I know I've landed a nerve. Good, I'll break through his resolve soon. Then I realize what must have happened- Obi-Wan must have separated the two, so I, or my Master, wouldn't be able to find them.

"Your feelings have now betrayed her too,"

'I know who she is. I can use her against you...'

'NOO!' Anakin's roar gives him new strength and he continues his desperate attempts at escape.

"Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me.."

'She could turn, if Luke won't. They are both powerful in the Force.'

"Now his failure is complete." I turn to where he is hiding and slowly step towards him, speaking the threat that had just entered my mind.

"If you will not turn to the darkside then perhaps she will."

The words I speak finally break Luke's fragile control over himself. He springs up, lightsaber igniting screaming "Never!" with such fervent rage I know he will turn. Maybe I won't have to kill him after all-

He attacks with such a vicious wildness that I am, for the first time since turning to the darkside..actually afraid. I had felt fear earlier but this was different- this was the terror I had once felt as Anakin.

He drives me back, his lightsaber swinging before him like a club, his rage a growing storm behind him, becoming even larger than my fury. Then I realize where I am- I'm by the shaft that leads to the main reactor.

Anakin is almost free and as I mentally force him back, Luke drives me down, striking with his lightsaber so viciously I know I will loose. I collapse into the railing, exhaustion suddenly filling me, Anakin howling in my mind so loudly I nearly pass out. I hold up my blade in a meek attempt to protect myself from Luke's onslaught. Suddenly his blade cuts through my wrist of the hand holding my lightsaber and I fall to the ground, weaponless.

'So my son, you will betray me, like everyone else?'

I hear Anakin whisper, scrabbling half-in, half-out of the prison.

'No, get back! I can't die as you! I can't die a weakling.'

I stare up at the end of the green blade, swishing before me, Luke's face twisted with rage.

'No my son, don't give up on me..'

Then I hear Palpatine laugh and I know, I know, that he has also betrayed me-again.

"Good!" he says as he approaches us.

"Your hate as made you powerful. Now, fulfill your destiny, and take your father's place at my side."

Anger, pouring hot and red, pulses into me, joining the jumbled up feelings that had been building inside of me since I brought Luke to my Master. I had always known Sidious would betray me like this, he had already betrayed me more than once, lied to me more than once. But betrayal always seems to take me by surprise.

Luke doesn't answer for a moment, just stares at his clenched had- his now machine hand.

'He'll turn,'

I tell myself, huddled on the ground.

'He'll turn. Palpatine always gets his way. Luke will turn and replace me.'

'All the better,' I hear Anakin say

'Now I don't have to kill him.'

Anakin is almost out now, but it doesn't matter. I'll be dead soon anyways.

But then, Luke deactivates his lightsaber.

'What?'

But I feel Anakin smiling.

Then I realize I'm smiling.

"Never," he whispers, tossing his lightsaber away, refusing just like he'd refused to fight me.

"I'll never turn to the darkside."

Something swells in me then. Is it pride? Pride for the boy- no, the man- who can say no to this seductive liar?

'No,' I tell myself harshly

'He's a fool. The darkside will always win.'

'But the darkside didn't save Padme, did it? It killed her!'

Fire, my had squeezing darkness around her throat-NO!

I would not let doubt get to me. I had chosen my path long ago and I could never turn away.

"You failed, your highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me."

'Father before me...father before me...Luke...'

Something cracks in me then and I realize what it is; Anakin's prison is crumbling. And I do nothing about it.

Then I look over at Palpatine and feel the fury sizzle around him, sparking like electricity.

What is he going to do now that he hasn't got his way?

"So be it," he says, deathly calm, and a terror so large grasps me that for a moment I am frozen.

"...Jedi." The last word is dripping with disgust. Then he lifts a hand to Luke, fingers slightly bent.

"If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!" Then he lifts the other hand and lighting springs from his fingers, waves and waves of it, slamming him pitilessly into the railing.

Then it stops. I stand. Maybe I can make him spare Luke...

"Young fool...only now, at the end, do you understand."

No, no, Palpatine won't let Luke live. Luke defied him, spit him in the face and now Palpatine will kill him.

Then he sends blast after blast of azure lightning into Luke and walks ever closer.

"Your feeble skills are not no match for the power of the darkside." He walks even closer, shooting more lighting, this time more intense; a steady stream of his harshest, darkest blasts of power.

The prison splinters, metal buckling, splitting apart, Anakin screaming.

'Luke!'

Sidious pauses as he growls out another string of stinging words.

"You have paid the price for your lack of vision."

Luke screams, writhing underneath the bolts of blue, his face twisted in pain.

Then he looks straight up at me and says, desperate, pleading.

"Father! Please!"

And I remember-

-Padme pleading with me to run away, leave it all behind, her begging. But I ruthlessly chocked her, causing her to die.

-Obi-Wan begging me not to jump, begging me so he wouldn't have to hurt me, so he wouldn't have to destroy himself to do what he had to do. But I did anyway.

-The child, asking me what to do, fear inflicting him and the rest of the younglings hiding with him. But I mercilessly killed them all.

Then the prison breaks open and Anakin, sobbing, screaming, leaps out. He grabs Darth Vader by the throat, and Vader grabs Anakin, their hands pushing, both vying for control.

"Now, young Skywalker, you will die."

'die Die dIe diE, DIE.'

Luke was going to die and it would be all my fault!

'I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you! I will learn to even stop people from dying!'

Suddenly I, both Anakin and Vader, were pulled away, into limbo, in the Force.

I was at a crossroads; just like I had been back at the Chancellor's office when I had to choose- choose between the Jedi and the Sith; The light and the dark side- right and wrong.

Anakin and Vader look at me. I have a choice. Who should I choose? Then I hear voices, speaking, one after another

Shmi: I love you my son...We will see each other again.

Obi-Wan: You are my brother, Anakin! I love you!...He is like my brother, I cannot do it!

Padme: I love you, Ani... I'd never hurt you.

Luke: Father! Please!...I know there's still good in you!

Then it hits me, like a fist of stone in my stomach, doubling me over.

And I stand here, gasping, stripped naked, all the fortifications build around me, the hard shell, destroyed. Gone.

How could I have doubted Padme? She loved me, loved me until the end. How could I have thought her unfaithful? She would never have done that. She had cared about me so much she'd been brave and confronted me. She'd died because she loved me so much. I'd killed her.

How could I have betrayed Obi-Wan? He'd always been there for me. He'd been my father as an apprentice- the father I'd never had. He'd been my brother, my best friend, my hand to hold when I'd slipped. He'd stuck up for me and covered for me so many times that I could no longer count. And how could I have thought he was with Padme? He had never looked at Padme, never see her as anything but a friend. That's all he'd been. My friend and hers. I'd killed him too. Not physically, but mentally for having to fight me. To maim me. Now I saw why he let me strike him down on the Death Star. He couldn't bring himself to do it again.

And my son. My son! He hadn't given up on me, even after all I'd done. He still believed in me. And he loved me.

And Palpatine...he'd never been my father. He was the cause of it all- of everything. Then I understand. I see how love works, how it saves.

'You may have ruined Padme's life, and Obi-Wan's life, and my life, but you won't, you WON'T harm my son! This is the final straw! You won't, you WON'T. There is a world without you. I don't need you anymore! I have more then the shadow with me, now. I no longer need you!'

Then Anakin smiles and Vader gives a cry, bursting into flames, his hideousness finally dying, vanishing forever.

And I am Anakin once again.

I'm back, standing beside Palpatine. And I hate him. Because now I see, in the flashes of sapphire light, Mace Windu dying because of me- another victim because of me.

'But not this time. I see the light now, Palpatine. I understand. No matter how strong the dark is, the light will always find a way. Because love can hold back hatred. And I won't let you harm my son!'

And I grab Palpatine, lifting his thin, dead body over my head.

Because he is dead inside; like I was for so long. A mind with a dormant soul.

His lighting cascades around me and I feel it rip into my life-support, tearing it apart, killing it.

And I rise up and destroy him, throwing him into the main reactor of the Death Star.

Finally, I made the right choice. My Choice.

But I am dying.

'It doesn't matter. He's gone, he's gone.'

I sob with relief. And as gas billows up after Palpatine's descent I hear his final screams vanish.

Then I feel Luke pull me from the railing, from the precipice. For a moment I lean into his shoulder and as I look up at him through my mask, I think.

'You saved me, Luke. You saved me from myself.'

And then he's hoisting me up and pulling me to the docking bay and I sense that the battle station will be destroyed.

'I'm slowing him down. With me, he'll never escape.'

Then I slip from his grasp but even though he is exhausted, he continues to drag me to the ramp of a vessel. He pulls me forward, staring at me with his blue eyes so like mine. And sorrow fills me that I will never know him but... I have to save him.

Then I realize I have never seen him, not really. Just through a mask, never with my own eyes.

"Luke, help me take this mask off," I manage to say through my painful, fire-filled breathing.

"But you'll die," he whispers.

I feel the air becoming thinner, my damaged lunges wearing thin, my burned heart tightening.

"Nothing...can stop...that...now. Just for once, let me...look on you with my own eyes."

For a moment he hesitates, then nods, slowly lifting the helmet off first. Then the mask comes off and air, real unfiltered air, hits my damaged face for the first time in over a decade. And I see him fully, now. I see how much he looks like Padme and like me. I can see my stubbornness and Padme's kindness in him. And I feel tears burn in my eyes, falling slowly onto my scarred cheeks. Oh how I wish I could spend more time with him, get to know him.

My breathing is becoming more difficult, like I'm trying to breathe in liquid. I force myself to speak through the fire spreading through my chest.

"Now...Go, my son. Leave me." He shakes his head, denying it like I had so many times in my past.

'Please listen, Luke. Do what I could never do. Listen.'

"No! Your coming with me. I'll not leave you here, I've got to save you!"

I smile sadly at him.

"You already...have, Luke." The world fills with gray and Luke begins to fade.

"You were right," I whisper and Luke leans closer to catch my words.

"You were right about me." I remember his sister, my daughter. Leia. I'll never know her and I know she will never forget what Vader- no, what I did,- to her home.

And my heart breaks, shattering like glass one stone.

"Tell your sister, you were right." The last words rip into my throat, and as everything fades, I think of my children, of Padme, of Obi-Wan, of Shmi, of Ahsoka; I think of how much I love them...

*****I wake in a dark place, like space, cold and empty. Far away I see a pinprick of light and I begin moving towards it, like I was piloting a podracer towards the suns on Tatooine.

"Anakin."

'Obi-Wan! Master! Father, brother...' Pain grips me so hard I choke on a sob.

"Master? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

"Anakin listen! You must listen closely. I am going to give you the power to travel from the netherworld of the Force to real-space and I need to tell you before you join the light."

"Master, why-why me?"

"Because you ended the horror, Anakin. Because you fulfilled the prophecy," his voice, soft and kind, just like it had been so long ago.

"And because, because you are my friend." His voice cracks as he says this and I know the secret. I had it all along.

Love.

"Yes." I say and I know Obi-Wan hears me.

I reach the light, now so bright I have to squint, its rays shimmering like the blades of lightsabers. Then in its pure gleam, I see a figure approaching. And its Obi-Wan; young, his body fit, face shinning, lips smiling, eyes full of tears. He reaches a hand out to me, his pale skin glowing with a beautiful luminescence.

"Come home, my son. Come home." And as happiness fills me, I reach out, taking his hand, sobbing, laughing, as he pulls into the light and into his arms.******

*And later, as the whole galaxy celebrates, two figures appear in the gloom. And as Luke turns, he sees a third appear beside Obi-Wan and Yoda; Anakin, his father. He smiles at them and they smile back.

His father, the Jedi was back. He had finally got it right. He had made the right choice.

And as Luke walks away with his sister and friends, the hearts of the three Jedi fill. Because they know that balance has been brought to the Force and peace has been restored in the galaxy. And all is right. At last.*